Last month, I shared my thoughts with a small groups of friends
about "Me" first or "Others" first, in relation to
happiness. Reading it again this afternoon, I figured, why not "blog"
it and see what you all think...
One of the responses I got back was, "I think balance is
the key word, we shouldn't let one outweigh the other". And I'm thinking,
Duhhhh...... RosieSandz!!!!-
If I’m happy, than you’ll be happy….
When did it become custom to put others first, in order to become
good members of society, good friends, good wives, or good mothers? When did
the word egoism start carrying such a negative connotation? Couldn’t it just be
synonym of self-love, or a way to build our inner strength? When did it become the
norm that showing altruistic behavior is a virtue?
Altruism… Definition: The principal or practice of unselfish
concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to EGOISM).
What a big word…what a meaningful big word, a big adjective…that
implicates self-sacrifice… So is that the path to absolution and a fulfilled
life?
From the day I came through, unscathed, my wonderful but different
adolescence, where being self-centered and care free was expected, to
maturing into a young woman (to whom meaningful, lasting relationships were the
focus but learning to make room for others was novelty), to falling in love “2
becomes 1”
style, where slowly but surely you learn that your happiness can only be defined
in association with someone else’s…. I've condition myself, through
all these rites of passage, into believing true happiness is fed to me through
other’s happiness and not from within.
This has me thinking…
You give 100% of yourself to your job/employer because you want
them to be happy and keep you employed … What about giving yourself 100%
because you love what you do and it makes you happy, which would translate to
great results?
You give 100% of yourself to your friend because you want them to
stay your friend…
What about giving yourself 100% by embracing you first and then watch
who your true friends will be?
You give 100% of yourself to your relationship because you want to
make sure your significant other is happy… What about giving yourself 100%
because he/she makes you happy?
For those who have kids, you give 100% of yourself to them because
you want to make sure they don’t want or need for anything… What about giving
yourself 100% because when you are fulfilled, uncompromised and accomplished
they will feed off your happiness?
When has being able to put you first become a selfish action and
not ability?
I've come to a place in my life where, I’m learning that
whatever my body, mind and heart desires, whatever makes my heart skip a beat
and smile, when given into, will only bring me true happiness. Happiness
generated from others is needed but temporary (even when you are the cause of
it). Someone told me not too long ago that the mistake I’m making is to think
life as I know it will halt if I stop worrying and carrying the weight of my
world… She said, “Be spontaneous Rose and do for you and you will see things
may not be exactly be the way you would have done them but your world will
still be…” All of us are not made of Mother Theresa’s “genes”, granted we are
all able to self-sacrifice for the good of others but we can’t think that just
because something makes one "feel better", it automatically makes it
a selfish action… to the contrary. If you are happy than I’m happy… was an old
tune. If I’m happy than you will be happy…. this sounds just so much better and
rings true to my ears.
As always, love others but yourself first...
RosieSandz
