Wednesday, January 11, 2012

If I'm happy than you'll be.

Last month, I shared my thoughts with a small groups of friends about "Me" first or "Others" first, in relation to happiness. Reading it again this afternoon, I figured, why not "blog" it and see what you all think...
One of the responses I got back was, "I think balance is the key word, we shouldn't let one outweigh the other". And I'm thinking, Duhhhh...... RosieSandz!!!!-

If I’m happy, than you’ll be happy….

When did it become custom to put others first, in order to become good members of society, good friends, good wives, or good mothers? When did the word egoism start carrying such a negative connotation? Couldn’t it just be synonym of self-love, or a way to build our inner strength? When did it become the norm that showing altruistic behavior is a virtue?
Altruism… Definition: The principal or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to EGOISM).
What a big word…what a meaningful big word, a big adjective…that implicates self-sacrifice… So is that the path to absolution and a fulfilled life?

From the day I came through, unscathed, my wonderful but different adolescence, where being self-centered and care free was expected, to maturing into a young woman (to whom meaningful, lasting relationships were the focus but learning to make room for others was novelty), to falling in love “2 becomes 1” style, where slowly but surely you learn that your happiness can only be defined in association with someone else’s…. I've condition myself, through all these rites of passage, into believing true happiness is fed to me through other’s happiness and not from within.

This has me thinking…

You give 100% of yourself to your job/employer because you want them to be happy and keep you employed … What about giving yourself 100% because you love what you do and it makes you happy, which would translate to great results?
You give 100% of yourself to your friend because you want them to stay your friend…
What about giving yourself 100% by embracing you first and then watch who your true friends will be?
You give 100% of yourself to your relationship because you want to make sure your significant other is happy… What about giving yourself 100% because he/she makes you happy?
For those who have kids, you give 100% of yourself to them because you want to make sure they don’t want or need for anything… What about giving yourself 100% because when you are fulfilled, uncompromised and accomplished they will feed off your happiness?

When has being able to put you first become a selfish action and not ability?

I've come to a place in my life where, I’m learning that whatever my body, mind and heart desires, whatever makes my heart skip a beat and smile, when given into, will only bring me true happiness. Happiness generated from others is needed but temporary (even when you are the cause of it). Someone told me not too long ago that the mistake I’m making is to think life as I know it will halt if I stop worrying and carrying the weight of my world… She said, “Be spontaneous Rose and do for you and you will see things may not be exactly be the way you would have done them but your world will still be…” All of us are not made of Mother Theresa’s “genes”, granted we are all able to self-sacrifice for the good of others but we can’t think that just because something makes one "feel better", it automatically makes it a selfish action… to the contrary. If you are happy than I’m happy… was an old tune. If I’m happy than you will be happy…. this sounds just so much better and rings true to my ears.

As always, love others but yourself first...



  1. Hey Rose, I absolutely agree! We have to put value on everything we do. In life if we don't understand what it is to value oneself, how can we give or appreciate others? If I'm not loving me properly; I can't love you right! Nor can I show you how to love me. It all must come full circle one way or another. I say it's best to start on the right foot. Love Yourself first, and everything will fall harmoniously into place. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Luv ya always.. O

  2. I always look forward to reading your blogs ma Rose...For as long as I can remember, I have gave 100% of myself to others ( kids, husband/boyfriend, work etc), never thinking of giving MYSELF 100% first and I truly believe it all comes from my relationship with my mother and how much I lacked her love and attention. Now that I live away from my children and not having them around to continue giving them 100% I'm having a difficult time functionning even though I am with a good man and looking forward to the future, it simply isn't the same . I often ask myself what do I do next, how do I feel complete and fulfill without the kids around, what are the things I used to enjoy doing, what do people do on their '' me time'' not even knowing what that means. Somehow, along the way, I forgot about me altogether and while I'm writing this, I can't hold back my tears realizing how much I have missed out on LIFE...Will be 45 next month and wondering how do I get Isabelle back, how do I give myself 100% without feeling guilty, being called selfish, self-centered ???? I have a long road ahead of me, will I be able to start living again before it's too late....Wouldn't even know where to start but I know that I have to in order to be happy & complete again...I love you ma Rose, thanks for sharing, u continue to make me think about a lot and forgive me if I sounded depressed, it was not my intent but I will always write how I truly feel on the subjects you bring...

    1. Hi Izzy,
      Our upbringing, our past does determine the kind of person, life, legacy we want to leave. I thing the mistake that a lot of us make is setting goals for ourselves that truly benefit others because we want to make sure "we don't do like..." or "don't want to be compare to..." or just that we have a misconception of what true happiness is...and in the process we create this life we are servant in instead of one we flourish in.
      Just like you I'm learning, I'm now realizing that all in the universe stems from a trickle down effect; in your life you are the cause of the effect. If you don't put yourself first, the 100% you believe you are giving your kids, your relationship, your the base of a life full of regrets.
      Find your balance Izzy, focus on you! Until then know that what you think is you giving 100% is truly you giving 40%. you are cheating not only the ones who loves you but are cheating yourself!
      What Oni said sums it all up, "Love yourself first, and everything will fall harmoniously into place"


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