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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

If I'm happy than you'll be.

Last month, I shared my thoughts with a small groups of friends about "Me" first or "Others" first, in relation to happiness. Reading it again this afternoon, I figured, why not "blog" it and see what you all think...
One of the responses I got back was, "I think balance is the key word, we shouldn't let one outweigh the other". And I'm thinking, Duhhhh...... RosieSandz!!!!-

If I’m happy, than you’ll be happy….

When did it become custom to put others first, in order to become good members of society, good friends, good wives, or good mothers? When did the word egoism start carrying such a negative connotation? Couldn’t it just be synonym of self-love, or a way to build our inner strength? When did it become the norm that showing altruistic behavior is a virtue?
Altruism… Definition: The principal or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to EGOISM).
What a big word…what a meaningful big word, a big adjective…that implicates self-sacrifice… So is that the path to absolution and a fulfilled life?

From the day I came through, unscathed, my wonderful but different adolescence, where being self-centered and care free was expected, to maturing into a young woman (to whom meaningful, lasting relationships were the focus but learning to make room for others was novelty), to falling in love “2 becomes 1” style, where slowly but surely you learn that your happiness can only be defined in association with someone else’s…. I've condition myself, through all these rites of passage, into believing true happiness is fed to me through other’s happiness and not from within.

This has me thinking…

You give 100% of yourself to your job/employer because you want them to be happy and keep you employed … What about giving yourself 100% because you love what you do and it makes you happy, which would translate to great results?
You give 100% of yourself to your friend because you want them to stay your friend…
What about giving yourself 100% by embracing you first and then watch who your true friends will be?
You give 100% of yourself to your relationship because you want to make sure your significant other is happy… What about giving yourself 100% because he/she makes you happy?
For those who have kids, you give 100% of yourself to them because you want to make sure they don’t want or need for anything… What about giving yourself 100% because when you are fulfilled, uncompromised and accomplished they will feed off your happiness?

When has being able to put you first become a selfish action and not ability?

I've come to a place in my life where, I’m learning that whatever my body, mind and heart desires, whatever makes my heart skip a beat and smile, when given into, will only bring me true happiness. Happiness generated from others is needed but temporary (even when you are the cause of it). Someone told me not too long ago that the mistake I’m making is to think life as I know it will halt if I stop worrying and carrying the weight of my world… She said, “Be spontaneous Rose and do for you and you will see things may not be exactly be the way you would have done them but your world will still be…” All of us are not made of Mother Theresa’s “genes”, granted we are all able to self-sacrifice for the good of others but we can’t think that just because something makes one "feel better", it automatically makes it a selfish action… to the contrary. If you are happy than I’m happy… was an old tune. If I’m happy than you will be happy…. this sounds just so much better and rings true to my ears.

As always, love others but yourself first...

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