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Sunday, January 29, 2012

"Til Death Do Us Part"...

This blog was inspired by the video below, please if you never seen it watch it first..

I love his sentiment, his perspective that marriage will only be successful if put it the hands of God… Wouldn’t it be easy?
As a believer in God I do understand that my life is in his hand and nothing is of surprise to him, nevertheless, I also believe that as human we have to take responsibility of our actions and not leave it all in his hand. If this was all it really took, would we have the divorce rate in America close to 50% (projection rate from And who should that responsibility lay upon? Jefferson Bethke (author and narrator of the attached video) would say “it’s exactly because of those result we should leave it all up to him” but I would reply with something I read “When God allows man to sin, he knows that it will eventually be a means for the person to develop his faith and trust in the mercy of God” that’s why he gave us free will.
And what about atheists who have long lasting relationships; in whose hands did they put their marriage in but their own?
We can’t just act upon our choice and then leave to him to see us through it… How about using the tools he gave us which are the capability to recognize what’s right or wrong, the capacity to think, and the ability to make sensible, idealistic decisions… God foresight of our destiny does not exclude from man the power to use his free will.
We are opposing the gift of free will with the consequences of free will… As human we truly need to take responsibility of our actions.

Through sickness and health
Through good times and bad times
‘Til death do us part…

Do any of us really understand or comprehend the magnitude of these words when attached together at the time we speak them? Do we really understand the scale of the promise we are making when we deliver these vows?
We are going into the union of our lives taking a leap of faith that the vows we are making will be the “End All and Be All” but truly we are trading in such unfamiliar ground call Future.
We can be confident on how we believe our lives will be but like the process of anything we start in life we don’t know how it will unfold

15 years in a marriage 20 years in the relation, do I believe that we are the same person we married? No. Do I wish we were the same? No.  First few years of marriage where the honeymoon years; challenges arose when we grew and started to truly come into self, when what you didn’t mind accepting or doing in the name of adoration, lust, novelty is now being question by your sensibility. In time compromising become a task that is more and more challenging as it requires of you to give up half what you believe. You also learn that love is not always enough to keep a marriage together…

When I made my vows, I can say I didn’t truly comprehend the words; they were a means to an end, they were what I needed to say so everyone would recognize that WE were, they were the seal to a deal that I speedily wanted done. Because I loved him I didn’t think twice on the expectation I was setting myself up against…
Now 15 years later I have learn the meaning of those vows, I have stepped through and through the good times and bad times, sickness and health; and yes even dabbed into what death could have been…and now I can truly say meaningfully thank you GOD for putting this man into my path.
I command myself for believing and seeing through my choice even when we struggled, bumped head and sometimes reach what I thought was our breaking point.
As much as we are different we are perfect for each other, we balance ourselves out, and he is the yin to my yang, the normal to my crazy and the troubling factor of my Zen…
While the bad have been bad, the good always have been able to keep us in our love for each other, while mistakes have been made and hurts have been caused we were able to overcome them through forgiveness. We have candid conversations; we know how to laugh at each other and with each other.  I like to think he is my best friend and that I am his -although he will deny that ‘til the day he die-

There is a saying  “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between he does what he wants to do”; every day in my marriage I choose to make it a success by working at it.
Working at it doesn’t translate to having shackles on your ankles and dragging yourself through the relation; it means making every day better than the day before and to achieve that it takes work. Doubts and obstacles comes along the way and when at time I get to that cross road where I say “this is for the birds, why am I doing all this” I look at myself in the mirror staring at all my character flaws and realize how lucky I am he is beside me and accept the person I grew to be, the changes he didn’t know about but learn to love as part of me. We have the tendency to blame the other party for all the wrongs but cause and effect require two parties…
My marriage as worked thus far because I’ve made the conscience effort to push through and see beyond any “alterations”, hurdles and concentrate on the happy moments.

Yesterday my brother pulled out an old VHS tape from 1998 and for the first time I saw how much my husband had changed; I felt like I had an epiphany… Today I spend the day looking at him and telling him in amazement how much he has changed as if he was a different person and in a funny way I like that…I like the fact that 14 years has gone by -and even though I know his character, disposition and personality have evolved making him the man he is today-, I’m still able to look at him and see the man I meet and decided to honour 20 years ago…

This journey has been a work in progress and in the scale of where I want it to go and end, we are still at the early stage of our relation. Every day God will allow me in this world I will pray that I enjoy “working” in making it through the promise I made 15 years ago… Till Death Do Us Part…

Love always,

Below is an article my sistergirl sent me on Healthy Marriage/Relationships so I wanted to pass it on to you’all…

A LifeCare ® Guide: Tips for a Healthy Marriage
Building and maintaining a healthy marriage / relationship takes time and effort. With the day-to-day pressures of work, children and chores it can be easy to neglect to nurture your relationship and to take your mate for granted. This guide is designed to remind you about the importance of fostering a healthy relationship. It offers basic tips to help you build a successful marriage / relationship every day.

Learn to communicate effectively. Communication is perhaps the most important key to a strong, healthy relationship. Effective communication requires you to be an active listener—listening without judgment and focusing on what your partner is saying—as well as expressing your own feelings in a positive, truthful way. 
Make time for each other. Part of being able to communicate effectively is making time for meaningful conversations in a setting free of distractions. For example, turn off the television in the evening to make it possible to have a real conversation or order a pizza and catch up during a quiet night at home. 
Fight fair. Don’t expect to agree on everything. An important part of resolving conflicts is being respectful of your partner’s feelings, even when you are arguing. Let your partner know you value what he or she is saying, even if you don't agree. Try to avoid criticizing, ridiculing, dismissing or rejecting your partner or what he or she is saying. If you’re feeling frustrated and feel as if your anger is taking over, take a time out from the conversation and agree to resume it at a specific time later. Note--If you ever feel as if you may physically hurt your partner, walk away and seek help immediately. 
Make a commitment to your relationship. Make your relationship with your partner a priority in your life. A relationship is a work in progress. It needs attention and effort to grow. No matter how busy you are, make time to spend quality time together, even if you have to schedule out specific time slots on your calendars. Celebrate each other’s accomplishments together and support each other during harder times. 
Express appreciation. Saying thank you can go a long way toward making your partner feel special and appreciated. Even though you may feel that your partner knows you care, it doesn’t hurt to say thanks—even for everyday things like cooking dinner, putting the kids to bed, or taking out the trash. 
Maintain a sense of humour. Laugh often with your mate and be willing to laugh at yourself. Maintaining a sense of humour can relieve stress and tension, and help you get through a difficult time together. 
Learn to compromise. Compromise is important in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a marriage. If you disagree on an issue, discuss the problem calmly, allows each person to explain his or her point of view, and look for ways to meet each other in the middle. 
Practice forgiveness. There may be times when your partner makes a mistake or says or does something hurtful—whether intentionally or unintentionally. While it’s okay to be angry, it’s also important to then let go of the anger and move on. If you constantly bring up past hurts, it’s difficult to have a mutually loving relationship. 
Keep romance alive. Relationships are often romantic in the beginning, but as time passes and couples become distracted by other things—work, children, bills, the house—they often take each other for granted. Make your partner feel special by doing something romantic, no matter how small. For example, make breakfast in bed for your partner, make a date for a special night out, take a walk on the beach, or have a picnic. 
Take time for yourself. It’s normal for couples to have different hobbies, interests and friends. While it’s important to spend quality time with each other, it’s equally important to spend time alone or with friends. For example, plan a girls’ or guys’ night out, take a kickboxing class or join a book club. By making time for yourselves, you’ll appreciate each other more.

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