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Monday, April 30, 2012

A Defining Year...



My fingertips are in constant reach....
Ultimate happiness can be such a tangible feeling. It could be such an achievable state of constant being (and experience), if only it were based on reaching and achieving the outcome of one condition."
-Rose Sanderson

Answering the questions...

These past 12 months have combined to become the most eye-opening, challenging, thought-provoking, stimulating and inspiring year of my life.

If I could go back 20 years and give myself some advice, I'd say a few things: "Trust yourself and trust your instincts, if they are based on self-love. Understand that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes. Surround yourself with trust and positivity. Be assertive but know that challenges will come and inevitably shape you. The fact that your life is already written on the stones of the universe, does not give you exemption from accountability to your actions. God is watching. Because of that, keep Him in sight and in your heart, as He will help you through uncertainty."

At about this time last year, as I was planning my 40th birthday celebration, it was important for me to be surrounded by positivity and love. For some reason, I was feeling my life, not shifting, but taking shape. I was finally starting to understand myself. I began to understand my choices, my life (as a whole) and how I had all the power in deciding which direction this life of mine needed to take, moving forward. Celebrating 4 decades on this Earth certainly put things in perspective as far as accomplishments, goal-reaching, and failures. My close encounter with death, as I almost lost my husband, was the major turning point in my life. It helped me to understand events I was going through, and the changes I needed to make. That tragedy necessitated changes; changes in the way I see things, deal with things and how I appreciate things. 

I saw my life drastically change, right before me. It was as if the outcome of this tragedy had been the worst-case scenario and I knew that I wasn't ready mentally, emotionally, and to a certain extent, physically for the unexpected in life. Life called for changes in me, which would allow me to grow in those 3 aspects. Once that took place, I would be better equipped to handle the unknown. The maturity I've gained in the past year has allowed me to understand my past journey. It has allowed me to expand my knowledge, given me new insight, and has allowed me to discover myself and my needs. In the process, I've had to deal with new perspectives.

Family, friends and acquaintances all wondered about the "changes" they saw in me (and still see); whether positive or negative, it's all a matter of understanding the source. I can try to partially answer the questions many have asked me, both directly and indirectly; questions regarding the change (what?), the reasons (why?), the process (how?), and (where?) the Rose they knew went.....

It's funny that when your behavior changes (even the slightest bit), all of a sudden your entourage perceives it as a turning point from what once was. They will then label it as "a newness" and then decide if they like it (or not), and if they want to be around (or not).

The Rose you knew is still.....

For some, maturity and growth is a slow process. For others, it's a hand-in-hand, step-by-step occurrence, with every moment of their life. And then for some, it's an epiphany that blind-side's them. Was I blind-sided? No. Was I taking things seriously, and learning from the life lessons that I had been granted access to? No. Growth doesn't wait for your approval; It happens whether you want it or not. It will also happen whether or not you understand it. Awareness comes when you accept it, and learn conscientiously from it.

I had come to a point in my life where the journey needed to make sense. It needed to be about something and not just be me here, going through the motions. The life lessons had always been there, and now I'm at a place where I need to understand and learn from them. Every day is a classroom; whether something significant happens or something minor happens, the lessons are daily.   
I didn't have an epiphany. I didn't just become righteous, blameless, empowered with all the answers and endowed with an almighty attitude. Am I any smarter? No. Wiser? Yes. It's amazing what one year has taught me.

Over the past year, I've learned what an honor and privilege life is, and to not take advantage of it (and certainly to not take it for granted or waste it). I've learned to be self-aware. I'm trying to learn and seek truth, so my guilt doesn't overwhelm me. I'm trying to allow my faith to grow by "being about it", not just speaking about it, and reaching for it in times of need. And ultimately, I'm seeking for my truth, so I may know who I am, and what my potential is (and not that perpetual image some may know me to be).

This is me; The Rose that you know. My evolution has been taking place from the day we met until today. While along our journey, we may experience the same stories and the same rides, my understanding and comprehension of them will most likely be different than yours. 
ALLOW ME TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS. ACCEPT THIS PLATFORM THAT I OFFER FOR YOU TO SHARE YOUR POINT OF VIEW..... but mostly, accept the inevitable. Come into the realization of who you are (really), your stand, your dreams and aspirations, and reach out with your fingertips for the never ending journey towards ultimate happiness....

“Change your life today. There is no greater act of personal power than to move towards your dreams. It is really quite easy to do this, and so much fun! If you don't feel confident, no problem. Just fake it 'till you make it!”
~Unknown

Have you ever felt the need to change, refocus and growth? What was your turning point?

          Love always...
RosieSandz

Sunday, April 29, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...


“Don't let time fly by without being a liable participant.
Make your existence count…”
                                Rose Sanderson
Jump in, slow it down, be a presence, absorb it all, create your memories and your story.

Where are you when looking at your list of things to do and accomplish?
Make every minute count...

   To a meaningful week!
RosieSandz

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Facing my nightmare...




I am a good mother! Or am I?

“Through life, having a FEARLESS attitude (recognizing fear and facing them) is liberating
Seeking to live a fear free life is a lifelong commitment as long as the “unknown” is relevant and true in our path”
~Rose Sanderson

Have you ever found yourself wide awake, at any given moment or in an environment, having scary thoughts or "worst case scenario" endings? Do you have nightmares during the day? I do..... and most of the time it has to do with my children, their where-abouts and their well-being. I like to take the philosophical approach to understanding why my mind dwells on certain questions; questions like, "What if my kids get kidnapped?", or "What if my kids get abused?" Then there are the worries that include my hubby, like; "What if they get into a bad accident?", "What if I don't show them enough love?", or "What if they're not happy?" However, no matter how rational I try to be, I can't seem to understand the random dark thoughts. Neither do I understand why they seem to surface at the oddest times...

Far worse than these elusive fears, is my fear of not being a good mother.
I am a good mother, I am a good mother, I am a good mother...
Why am I chanting this? Who am I trying to convince?
This one thing I do know; I live this love and I welcome the commitment!
I AM A GREAT MOTHER!

I observe and learn from what I see around me. I am also in awe of mothers who are masters of their time and are able to be actively present in all moments of their child's life. While I 'm in awe of them, do they see me as a "bad mother", due to the fact that I don't have the same availability (of time) to my kids? 

Children only know what they are taught and what they live. Their everyday lives are filled with normalcy; their version of normalcy may differ from that of their little friends, however, it will not differ so much as to make them question your motherhood. Especially when your motherhood is laced with love.
Still we question ourselves and each other. There is always judgment out there, positive or negative. There will always be someone looking, lurking, analyzing and judging your actions. That difference among us will have you labeled as either a "good mom" or a "bad mom". You'll either come across as a "deserving" or "unworthy" mother. You'll be judged against society, and compared to images and misconceptions promoted in all forms of media and entertainment.

I need to confront my fear of not being a good mom, because I AM a GREAT MOM. I need to immediately stop worrying about not being good enough, not giving enough, not teaching enough, not loving enough, not listening enough, not playing enough, not hugging enough, not being present enough, not being lenient enough, or simply not being enough.... because I am committed to being all and enough for my children.

The many kisses, "I Love You's" and hugs that I get daily, tell me the story that I need to remember when I'm confronted with "The Fear".

I'm not a perfect mother, but I am a good one. That's my reality.  


                 
 “Intense Love does not measure…it just gives.”
                                                                         ~ Mother Teresa

What about you, Do you have a fear of being inadequate as a mother? Do you fear not being enough? And for those who are not mothers yet, is "the fear" stopping you from being a mother?

To all the mothers out there, give yourself credit for a job well done!
RosieSandz




Sunday, April 22, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...



"When You Know Better…
                 You Do Better"
                                                                            Maya Angelou

   The mere fact that I have to remind myself of this proves my point…

I need to stop wasting away all the wisdom, information, insights, life lessons I've learned and still learning EVERYDAY by enacting or falling AGAIN into the same trap (mistakes) because I chose to IGNORE what I now know to be FACTUAL… 

To a week of doing better
Love,
RosieSandz

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Avoiding The Guilt...


When the “too late” happens “too soon”…                     

Yesterday, I visited one of my favourite blogger’s page and read this piece she wrote about “Grace in the marriage”. The message was very nice and made me think of how amazing we, mere people, really are. We can be in separate parts of the world, living different lives and dealing with different cards handed to us BUT the challenges we face are basically the same. It’s quite intriguing how easily you can find solace, comfort and answers in a stranger’s story.

I was just about ready to write my comment, when I started reading the ones already left by other readers. Reading one comment in particular, I had an “AHA” moment…

The blog reminded this reader about a story she heard a long time ago. Her recollection of it may have been slightly distorted, so bare with me as I pass it on to you guys....

“There was this woman who nagged her husband for years about the tooth paste splatters on the mirror.  She would vocally scold him.  She loved him, but knew if he could just fix that, he would be perfect.  Years later he passed away.  After cleaning her bathroom, she began to notice the toothpaste splatters on the mirror again.  At that moment she realized it had never been him, but her, and it was too late at that point to say sorry.”

How easily do we choose to forget the lessons life has taught and is teaching us?
I say, pick your battles wisely, yet still I linger on the unimportant…
I say, always being right is not the “end-all and be-all”, but I still want to prove my point…
I say, be his number one cheerleader, but I lay complacent knowing he is all mine…
I say, love him and accept him for who he is, yet I still try to “change” him…

Unlike this woman in the story, I was given a do-over before it was too late; http://rosiesandz.blogspot.com/2012/01/day-i-knew-it-was-okay-to-let-go.html. Although things were put in perspective (in more ways than I can comprehend), at times I find myself forgetting the importance of letting go (of the insignificant) and just simply saying “thank you”.

Every day I nag about something, actually, about a lot of things (deep sigh… these are just behaviours that come with the territory). Every day, instead of learning to master my own schedule, I want to make sure his is optimized to fit what I feel is important. And while I don’t really see anything wrong with that, I need to make sure I say THANK YOU for his every day TOLERANCE and have an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE for the simple and necessary things he brings to my life, while dealing with my expectations and entitleness.  


The great thing about coming into this truth and realization is, it’s not just relevant the marriage dynamic. This truth stands for any and everyone. I’m sure many of you can attest to the fact that there’s someone you need to appreciate more, show that you appreciate more. There’s someone out there, that you probably haven’t spoken to in a while, that you’ve been thinking about calling/texting/facebooking. Instead of making excuses, get on your phone and make it happen. You never know when their last day will be; when your last day will be. Tomorrow is not a given. Don’t wake up one day and realize that their “toothpaste splatter on the mirror” was really yours, and all you needed to do was examine yourself first, instead of examining the faults in others.

For me, being able to write these blogs and share my opinions about everyday life events with complete strangers, is significant. You can only imagine that I make no qualms about letting the ones close to me know how I feel and what I want, but again, it’s finding the right balance in communication that will bring you success…

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”
~Tony Robbins

We certainly don’t always get the change of a do-over, but when the opportunity presents itself, don’t waste it all away. Do well by it.

Whichever way our story ends, (if I’m the one left behind) I don’t want it to finish like the woman in the story; with me realizing all the mistakes I’ve made, and never having tried to make amends, apologize or even acknowledge that I was in the wrong. And if I’m the one to leave, I want him to remember the LOVE in the nagging, the GRATEFULLNESS in the complaints and that the longing for a BETTER us was my ultimate motivation.

    Be Thankful and voice it! 
RosieSandz

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The pursuit of Unconditional Love…


The real question is: why do we have to pursue Unconditional Love? Isn’t Unconditional Love, by definition, love given without conditions or expectations? Isn’t Unconditional Love our God given right? Aren’t we supposed to expect this kind of love from our parents, families, lovers and (sometimes) friends? So why then, should we pursue something that is due to us?

Unconditional Love says: “I love you, simply because of our relationship” (but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I like you). I will always love you (but I may be angry at you, disappointed with you at times and I don’t want you around me).” Should you be content (and become complacent) knowing someone “says” they feel Unconditional Love for you, regardless of your sometimes inappropriate behaviour?

The following is part of my definition of love:
Love is the result of being able to continuously give without ALWAYS expecting an equal quantity back (at all times). As we all love differently, however, you do need to get some of that love back. You do need to set expectations, and you should see potential and prospect in the situation. Even if you like the similarities, the likeness you share and learn to respect the differences and dissimilarities in any given relationship, I’m not sure it’s possible for love to be 100% unconditional!

I believe Unconditional Love is Mythical. A beautiful concept but mythical…
I truly believe that God is the only one that holds the power to unwaveringly, continuously, and unconditionally love someone at all times.

I have a husband and 2 beautiful children that I love to death. There are also many more who are part of my life and that I love dearly. Like many, I’m guilty of using the term “Unconditional Love” to describe the extent of my love for them; however, if I want to be honest, I know that my love comes with conditions. I expect respect, love, care, consideration of my opinions, feelings and mostly, acknowledgment and appreciation of the person that I am and the love I’m giving. How can you give your total love to anyone who is of age, and of a sound mind (able to understand right from wrong and capable of acting in ways that are acceptable versus unacceptable) but refuses, choose to or feels that they don’t have to put forth any effort; simply because they know regardless of anything they do, you will love them unconditionally?
To promote Unconditional Love is to tell someone that their behaviour does not matter in any given situation because your love for them is without limit.
Unconditional Love means Love for granted.

Instead, strive to reach the “Conditional Love” and “Conditional Like”…

Isn’t it more rewarding to hear “I love you, I like you, I like the person that you are, I like the things that you do, and I like what you stand for?” Where is the joy or fun in hearing, “I’ll always love you because you are my son, my brother or my family member, BUT, I don’t like the person that you are or have become”?  This translates to: “I love you but I don’t want to have you around me.”

As humans, we have a strong love and close bonds toward our kids. We have unconditional responsibility, attachment, and we also feel duty toward specific people in our lives such as kids and family members. I also believe that we can unconditionally accept someone into our lives, surroundings (close friends) but when deception is too profound and hurts leave open wounds, the love is no longer present in its purity. Love, in any shape or form, should not be created by guilt or a mere sense of responsibility.

I believe we need to put an emotional value on our love and teach people the value of our love.
I believe that we need to clarify the fact that our love is a gift and not to be taken for granted.
I believe that the love you have needs to be striven for and you should expect that it be appreciated.
I do believe that Love has to be earned and deserved, not only because expectations are set but because you have learned right from wrong. Love is earned based on conscious or unconscious preconditions that we’ve learned from childhood on…
There can’t be Unconditional Love if there is resentment; resentment because of the behaviour, of the deception, of…

Conditional Love and Conditional Like…

People rejoice about Unconditional Love just because it gives them a sense of comfort, security and assurance but do you really strive for it? Do they really deserve it? Doesn’t Unconditional Love simply mean that you don’t have to do anything, my love for you is a given rather you’re good or bad?
But the reality of it is, people long for the concept of Unconditional Love from someone, all the while putting forth the effort in the relationship. I believe that they are striving for the “Conditional Like” and “Conditional Love”, trying to determine which will be more rewarding.

Many of the relationships that end in separation, divorce or broken friendships occur because the 2 (or more) parties have stopped liking each other. They stopped putting forth the effort. You will hear quite often “I will always love you but I just can be in this relationship any more” and “let’s be friends”. Love has been taken for granted and the desire to put forth the effort into pleasing has been forgotten. It has been forgotten to the point of not wanting to (or being able to) be around each other. Strained relationships between parents and their children are often due to giving in and being accepting of your child’s wrong doing, without showing consequences

What are your thoughts? Do you believe in the “Unconditional” with no conditions? What would you rather?
      
 To sharing appreciative love...
RosieSandz

Sunday, April 15, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

Nothing is impossible.
The word itself says
                      “I’m possible”                                                                                                                                     AUDREY HEPBURN

Sunday is for some the beginning of their week and for other the end of it. Beginning or end, it is a day of processing the concluding week and lessons you've learned, a day of reflection on your actions and reactions, and a day of preparation for a better you. ~RS

My Sunday post will be me sharing a simple quote that I chose to outline my week ahead
Have a wonderful week full of joy, surprises and love!
RosieSandz
                                                    

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Evolution of Dreams...


Evolve with your dreams… Evolve with your goals… Evolve with your life…
The evolution of our being and surroundings brings changes to our priorities. It inevitably brings a different focus into our lives and can even alter our dreams. Unfortunately, we sometimes allow the challenges of life to take over and we forget about our dreams and desires.


Yesterday Me
From focusing on me, me, me and more me
To finding love – I went from purposely being in doomed relationships, to being head-over-heels in love and wanting to do any and every thing for “the love”
And then on to creating a space for our history
To keep enjoying, romancing, and spontaneously maintaining “the love”
Marriage
To redefining, romancing, and conventionally maintaining “the love”
Children
Transforming our space into a home
To trying to find time to enjoy, define, romance and maintain “the love”, that I am fighting to not take for granted, as best as you can in the mist of new responsibilities…”

Did I resolve within myself that I’d live a boring, uneventful and even monotonous life? 
No!

I have evolved, I have changed, and I have grown alongside my dreams and wishes. While in the past I only wished to see results for my own selfish needs, my current goals, wishes and dreams are mostly selfless and are spread to my love ones.

Did I settle?
No!

“Remember, what you have now was once among the things you had only hoped for”
So I cherish everything I have, as wisdom and prudence are what’s driving me, instead of fully relying on feelings (and temporary emotions).

Today me
Motherhood has brought a different dimension to my life. Fear and boredom are not what made me more cautious and pacified in my reaction towards life; it’s bringing new life into this world. It’s wishing for world peace so your children will forever be safe. It’s wishing for an end to world hunger so that they will never find themselves starving and in need. It’s wishing for a flourishing world economy so that they can always be independent and in pursuit of their own dreams. Fear is not what’s guiding me or changing my perspective (or reaction) to things; its having learned the power of one’s soul, and what desire can accomplish. I’m learning to not waste it away with the frivolous but with meaningful!

Look at yourself! Remember the old you and look at who you are today. Can you see how much you’ve evolved? Can you see how insignificant your then challenges and aspirations were? Ask yourself, what do you value most in life? What are your goals today? If you were the winner of that $640M lottery jackpot, what would you have done? If you only had 5 months left on this earth, what would you make sure you did? What is the 1 wish you would want to be granted and why?
When you’re finished answering these questions, can you see that your current state of mind is different than the old? Can you see that your new thinking reflects the evolved, wiser, focused being you’ve become?

                  
Desires, visions and reveries don't come to by the snap of your fingers. It takes work, ambition and commitment… lasting commitment. From the frivolous dreams to the more thoughtful ones (that require hard work and sometimes, a lifetime of struggle), you need to appreciate any blessing. You should specifically appreciate the ones that are the realizations of your dreams, especially when at times, people around you or life makes you believe that your dreams are crazy and you are foolish for dreaming them.
Don’t ever be ashamed of your dreams, as they may not be big, exciting, or thrilling. Your self-evolution will allow you to keep your dreams and wishes meaningful, relative to where you are in life. Remember to keep dreaming, for without your dreams, you will have definitely started your downward spiral into a boring life, void of all real purpose.


"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true. ~Woodrow Wilson
      
Dreaming bigger and wiser... Evolve
RosieSandz

   

Saturday, April 7, 2012

My little princess’ own bedazzled stiletto…

                  Once Upon a Time... The 21st Century Fairy Tale...

                                 
I went to a baby shower this weekend, and while the parents-to-be were opening their presents ( we were all “oohing and aaahing” and loving the cute little pink dresses, frilly skirts and cutesy outfits), I couldn’t help but to think of when it had been me expecting, with impatience, the birth of my little princess… I can’t help but wonder if they are experiencing the same butterfly sensations, worries, foresight and precautions I used to have, even before she saw the light of day…

                                  Sprinkle of Gold Fairy Dust...                                    
It’s amazing how different the dynamic is, bringing a baby girl into the world, from that of having a boy.
“Whimsical” is the keyword for everything that surrounds your child.
“Precious” is the keyword for everything that belongs to your child.
“Beautiful” is the keyword to describe her.
I dreamt of lullabies to sing to her while rocking her in my arms and remember all the fairy tales that could describe her life to come…

The birth of my princess renewed my belief in fairy tales and “happily ever after”….


                                                               
"Fairy tales were not my escape from reality as a child; rather, they were my reality -- for mine was a world in which good and evil were not abstract concepts, and like fairy-tale heroines, no magic would save me unless I had the wit and heart and courage to use it wisely."  
~Terri Windling~

Why not let today’s little girls, our own 21st century little princesses, believe in the prince charming (gentlemen)? Why not reassure them that he is out there and will come for her, holding "the" glass bedazzled stiletto made just for her, and will sweep her off her feet in his white stretched limousine, headed toward their “happily ever after”?

                                      
We are so worried about teaching our girls to be independent; not to rely on or trust in anyone but themselves that instead of someone casting a spell on them which would keep them being single forever, we teach them how to build the cage that imprisons their own heart, as soon as we can crush the myths and fairy tale stories. While coaching and educating our princesses on today’s world possibilities, equality and their limitless capabilities, let’s also teach them the reality of their self-worth and how deserving they are of a prince charming. One who will pursue them and want to take care of them. Let’s elevate their standards by teaching them not to settle for anything but the best.

So that day, looking at my beautiful friend expecting her first baby girl, reminded me of all the fairy tales that as an adult helped me created and fight for my own happily ever after. I created and believed in them, not only for myself, but mostly for my princess, as she deserves nothing short of a fairy tale life from beginning to ever after...

Take a sprinkling of fairy dust, 
An angel's single feather,
Also a dash of love and care,
Then mix them both together.  
Add a sentiment or two,
A thoughtful wish or line,
A touch of stardust, a sunshine ray...
It's a recipe, for a Baby Girl truly fine.
Author Unknown 

Dedicated to my Princess Jazzmine... Might all your wishes come true.   Bibbity Bobbity Boo!  

    RosieSandz                              

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Fearless...




I sometimes feel misunderstood, even though I know that I say what and how I feel, when and where I see fit. So how do you expect others to hear and understand you, if all you do is “think” your message is clear?

“My tearless cries drowned my pillow
My blindness kept me from staring
My muted screams didn't shout loud enough
My emotionless pain welcomed the abuse
My absent presence wasn't noticed
My voiceless opinion wasn't heard
My heart kept me from loving
My life kept me from living
My projection kept my confidence hiding”
~Rose Sanderson

I remember being young, naive and wanting to fit in and be accepted. At the same time, I never was a follower. To the contrary, I had a group of friends that loved to be around me because of the kind, “fun seeking” person I was. And I relied on those friends just as much they relied on me. My personality flourished as I sailed through life, through experiences. I was guided through the years by the certainty that I was somebody; that I was destined to become somebody, so I acted like that “somebody” that was special, and had value. I learned that the acceptance of others was not more important than the fear of not reaching my true potential. The fear of becoming a failure always pushed me away from giving up. The fear of failure always motivated me to work harder. The fear of becoming a disappointment to me, or to those around me, opened up a sometimes-blind trust to others. There was the possible influence of my peers and society’s brain washing, but my love for myself and the fact that I knew I was “somebody” (even though I hadn’t meet that “somebody” yet), coupled with the knowledge and the belief, prevented all my fears from taking over and overshadowing the “me” I was meant to be.

Fear is a healthy feeling, as it is meant to push you beyond your well-kept-up potential and open you up to a new horizon…
Fear is damaging, however, if it oppresses you, represses you and dominates you…

Conquer your fears and feel liberated! Stop checking yourself out and be your own hero!

Be the superhero in your life that will liberate you, that will free and manage your emotions, that will give you a voice, and that will give strength to your heart. Be the superhero that will open your eyes to the world, that will make you relevant and that will let you love and let love in…

                                               

Remember that you are somebody!

First and foremost, you are your own treasure. Doubt will be cast on you but listen to that small, still voice that chants every day “you are somebody”. From the time you were created, you were the dream becoming reality of your parents (or the ones who took the parental role in your life). From the very moment you were born, you were the apple of someone’s eye. From the time you were able to make adult decisions to now, remember, your life in itself, is an accomplishment…you are UNIQUE. 
 
           
And you? Do you make sure you voice is heard ? Are you comfortable with the person you are? 
Make sure you believe that you are relevant, love yourself and your uniqueness...

Love always...
RosieSandz

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Looking back...


If only I could turn back the hands of time… would it make a difference?


Looking around me, I see many familiar faces (families, friends and acquaintances) but I also see many that are fading away. I see faces that I extend my arms to but can’t reach, smiles and laughter that use to be genuine and heartfelt, but are now forceful and disingenuous. I remember situations; conversations I use to share with particular people because I knew they would bring me the comfort I needed. But now, the desire to seek for them, their time and their advice, is no longer as the link has changed. The memories and the love are still there but the connection is gone; leaving me, at first, clueless as to why…

Always remember that differences/changes created in any relationship can be caused by the natural, organic course of life, in which we will see people change (and life change), but it can also be caused by our own unintentional (or at times, intentional) careless and selfish behaviour. It can happen in that one moment when we just forget to stop and think about the consequences of our actions unto others, and in that one moment we can change the entire course of the relationship.

After thinking of relationships and situations in my life that, little by little, took different turns (all the while, totally oblivious of the gap that was being created), I now clearly see the changes and the losses and why we are where we are.

In life there are actions, and also outspoken or implicit words that you can't go back on. You can’t take them back, and all you’re left with is the option to just move on and hope for the best. Surfing through the web, I saw this posting listing all the things you can’t recover from. And while I read all of them, to me (and the majority of people reading) only 5 stood out in my life and here is why:

Here is my list of the 5 things you CANNOT recover from

                                 The stone…….after the throw

                                      
                                       
Why do we think that we are perfect when we can’t even define and live up to the word ourselves? Thousands, thousands and thousands of years ago we were told “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…” which basically meant to judge only if your own backyard is clean and if you are without sin. It has become so easy for people to judge, label, criticize and condemn without taking a deep and long look into the mirror.

Prepare to be judged if you judge others! Remember, thinking your house is in order is YOUR perception!
In today’s society, the phrase “cast in stone” means that “it is fixed, and it can’t be altered”. So right before you throw that stone, take time and think of the irreversible act you are about to commit and as hasty as you are to throw, it may just come back at you stronger and faster!

                                   The word............after it's said.

Words once spoken cannot be unspoken or erased; they can never be taken back. One may attempt to take them back but the damage is already done. Hurtful words not only sting deep, but also leave lasting scars, so make sure you own everything that comes out of your mouth. After all is said and done, there’s really no recovering from it! In my previous post I wrote “ I've always disciplined myself and would advise others to not respond, comment or acknowledge (openly) a situation when your personal feelings are in turmoil. If my thoughts and emotions aren't levelled, I’d be putting myself on the defensive which could ultimately result in me saying or acting in a way that I might…just might, regret” At times, we forget the weight that words carry and how irreversible (good or bad) and lasting the aftermath can be. You can always sincerely seek forgiveness and forgiveness may be granted but remember that forgetting is a totally different beast to tame.

                   The opportunity.........after it's missed and passed.


                             
Those chances, and those blessings that we inadvertently let slip through our fingers…Nothing happens by chance; opportunities are blessings in disguise. Don't let them pass you by not understanding the “breaks” you are being handed. Don’t let them be in vain by taking them for granted, and don’t waste them away thinking that they will come back and knock on your door again.
We get side tracked by the irrelevant, the unimportant, the trivial and the petty things, and let the life changing openings/events and breaks pass us by. I sometimes sit and pray that I could change all the “should’ve, would’ve and could’ve” moments to “I have tried it, done it and mastered it”. But alas, I missed out on those opportunities, so all I can do is be sorry.

                                       The love.... after it's gone.

   
                              
I tried to remember the last time I had a broken heart. Even though I need to go very, very far back into my past, I still remember the pain of feeling hopeless, useless and not good enough. Every relationship you exit, leaves an invisible scar that you can’t recover from, however it shapes you for your next one so that you can make better choices for yourself. 
Stepping forward without looking back, might just be the most difficult thing to do. The thing you should realize is, in the end (if it is for your own happiness) then trust me, you are a winner. 

Love Liberates
"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold—that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, 'I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go.'" — Dr. Maya Angelou

                                      The Time.... after it's gone.

                                               
I (very often) catch myself being amazed at how fast the day has passed, and how little time I have to accomplish all that I’ve planned. My days seem to run shorter, meanwhile my obligations seem to require an additional 5 more hours than the 24 alloted. Time is quite often running ahead of me and I’m struggling to keep up.
This, to me, might just be the number one unrecoverable loss. While you can try to make up and attenuate the consequences/aftermath of hurtful words (and judging someone) by apologizing, and recreate opportunities to cover your losses and move on to new love, you can’t turn back the hands of time, nor can you replace it. 
Time wasted … While you can try to reach back for your youth, you can’t reach back for your innocence, nor can you reach back for the baby years of your children, you just can’t… Life will keep on pushing forward, whether you’re ready or not. Live your life, appreciating every second that you are given. Own up to your good and bad, chalk them up as instructions on how to do better. Be better and seek the best. When the hourglass of life drops those last particles of sand, you want to be able to feel like you have lived to your fullest and have made full use of your time.

Life isn't all made up of huge cataclysmic moments. We have to learn to appreciate and learn from EVERY day, EVERY moment, EVERY being in our path, and EVERY experience ... even if it seems ordinary. Let’s remember to take time to appreciate life, the people whom surround you and the little precious moments which are far, few and in between, in our busy schedules. Life will throw at you unexpected curve balls. You will need to learn how to dodge and handle them, however, don’t let time, life, circumstances and stress overwhelm you to the point where you no longer take the time to pause and think things through before speaking out, or making decisions… Learn to manage all the controllable situations in your life and to let go of the uncontrollable.


What about you? What are the things you can’t forgive or forget? What are the steps you take in life to avoid having regrets generated by unrecoverable actions?
To avoiding regrets, Love always...
RosieSandz
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