Monday, April 30, 2012

A Defining Year...

My fingertips are in constant reach....
Ultimate happiness can be such a tangible feeling. It could be such an achievable state of constant being (and experience), if only it were based on reaching and achieving the outcome of one condition."
-Rose Sanderson

Answering the questions...

These past 12 months have combined to become the most eye-opening, challenging, thought-provoking, stimulating and inspiring year of my life.

If I could go back 20 years and give myself some advice, I'd say a few things: "Trust yourself and trust your instincts, if they are based on self-love. Understand that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes. Surround yourself with trust and positivity. Be assertive but know that challenges will come and inevitably shape you. The fact that your life is already written on the stones of the universe, does not give you exemption from accountability to your actions. God is watching. Because of that, keep Him in sight and in your heart, as He will help you through uncertainty."

At about this time last year, as I was planning my 40th birthday celebration, it was important for me to be surrounded by positivity and love. For some reason, I was feeling my life, not shifting, but taking shape. I was finally starting to understand myself. I began to understand my choices, my life (as a whole) and how I had all the power in deciding which direction this life of mine needed to take, moving forward. Celebrating 4 decades on this Earth certainly put things in perspective as far as accomplishments, goal-reaching, and failures. My close encounter with death, as I almost lost my husband, was the major turning point in my life. It helped me to understand events I was going through, and the changes I needed to make. That tragedy necessitated changes; changes in the way I see things, deal with things and how I appreciate things. 

I saw my life drastically change, right before me. It was as if the outcome of this tragedy had been the worst-case scenario and I knew that I wasn't ready mentally, emotionally, and to a certain extent, physically for the unexpected in life. Life called for changes in me, which would allow me to grow in those 3 aspects. Once that took place, I would be better equipped to handle the unknown. The maturity I've gained in the past year has allowed me to understand my past journey. It has allowed me to expand my knowledge, given me new insight, and has allowed me to discover myself and my needs. In the process, I've had to deal with new perspectives.

Family, friends and acquaintances all wondered about the "changes" they saw in me (and still see); whether positive or negative, it's all a matter of understanding the source. I can try to partially answer the questions many have asked me, both directly and indirectly; questions regarding the change (what?), the reasons (why?), the process (how?), and (where?) the Rose they knew went.....

It's funny that when your behavior changes (even the slightest bit), all of a sudden your entourage perceives it as a turning point from what once was. They will then label it as "a newness" and then decide if they like it (or not), and if they want to be around (or not).

The Rose you knew is still.....

For some, maturity and growth is a slow process. For others, it's a hand-in-hand, step-by-step occurrence, with every moment of their life. And then for some, it's an epiphany that blind-side's them. Was I blind-sided? No. Was I taking things seriously, and learning from the life lessons that I had been granted access to? No. Growth doesn't wait for your approval; It happens whether you want it or not. It will also happen whether or not you understand it. Awareness comes when you accept it, and learn conscientiously from it.

I had come to a point in my life where the journey needed to make sense. It needed to be about something and not just be me here, going through the motions. The life lessons had always been there, and now I'm at a place where I need to understand and learn from them. Every day is a classroom; whether something significant happens or something minor happens, the lessons are daily.   
I didn't have an epiphany. I didn't just become righteous, blameless, empowered with all the answers and endowed with an almighty attitude. Am I any smarter? No. Wiser? Yes. It's amazing what one year has taught me.

Over the past year, I've learned what an honor and privilege life is, and to not take advantage of it (and certainly to not take it for granted or waste it). I've learned to be self-aware. I'm trying to learn and seek truth, so my guilt doesn't overwhelm me. I'm trying to allow my faith to grow by "being about it", not just speaking about it, and reaching for it in times of need. And ultimately, I'm seeking for my truth, so I may know who I am, and what my potential is (and not that perpetual image some may know me to be).

This is me; The Rose that you know. My evolution has been taking place from the day we met until today. While along our journey, we may experience the same stories and the same rides, my understanding and comprehension of them will most likely be different than yours. 
ALLOW ME TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS. ACCEPT THIS PLATFORM THAT I OFFER FOR YOU TO SHARE YOUR POINT OF VIEW..... but mostly, accept the inevitable. Come into the realization of who you are (really), your stand, your dreams and aspirations, and reach out with your fingertips for the never ending journey towards ultimate happiness....

“Change your life today. There is no greater act of personal power than to move towards your dreams. It is really quite easy to do this, and so much fun! If you don't feel confident, no problem. Just fake it 'till you make it!”

Have you ever felt the need to change, refocus and growth? What was your turning point?

          Love always...

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