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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Facing my nightmare...

I am a good mother! Or am I?

“Through life, having a FEARLESS attitude (recognizing fear and facing them) is liberating
Seeking to live a fear free life is a lifelong commitment as long as the “unknown” is relevant and true in our path”
~Rose Sanderson

Have you ever found yourself wide awake, at any given moment or in an environment, having scary thoughts or "worst case scenario" endings? Do you have nightmares during the day? I do..... and most of the time it has to do with my children, their where-abouts and their well-being. I like to take the philosophical approach to understanding why my mind dwells on certain questions; questions like, "What if my kids get kidnapped?", or "What if my kids get abused?" Then there are the worries that include my hubby, like; "What if they get into a bad accident?", "What if I don't show them enough love?", or "What if they're not happy?" However, no matter how rational I try to be, I can't seem to understand the random dark thoughts. Neither do I understand why they seem to surface at the oddest times...

Far worse than these elusive fears, is my fear of not being a good mother.
I am a good mother, I am a good mother, I am a good mother...
Why am I chanting this? Who am I trying to convince?
This one thing I do know; I live this love and I welcome the commitment!

I observe and learn from what I see around me. I am also in awe of mothers who are masters of their time and are able to be actively present in all moments of their child's life. While I 'm in awe of them, do they see me as a "bad mother", due to the fact that I don't have the same availability (of time) to my kids? 

Children only know what they are taught and what they live. Their everyday lives are filled with normalcy; their version of normalcy may differ from that of their little friends, however, it will not differ so much as to make them question your motherhood. Especially when your motherhood is laced with love.
Still we question ourselves and each other. There is always judgment out there, positive or negative. There will always be someone looking, lurking, analyzing and judging your actions. That difference among us will have you labeled as either a "good mom" or a "bad mom". You'll either come across as a "deserving" or "unworthy" mother. You'll be judged against society, and compared to images and misconceptions promoted in all forms of media and entertainment.

I need to confront my fear of not being a good mom, because I AM a GREAT MOM. I need to immediately stop worrying about not being good enough, not giving enough, not teaching enough, not loving enough, not listening enough, not playing enough, not hugging enough, not being present enough, not being lenient enough, or simply not being enough.... because I am committed to being all and enough for my children.

The many kisses, "I Love You's" and hugs that I get daily, tell me the story that I need to remember when I'm confronted with "The Fear".

I'm not a perfect mother, but I am a good one. That's my reality.  

 “Intense Love does not measure…it just gives.”
                                                                         ~ Mother Teresa

What about you, Do you have a fear of being inadequate as a mother? Do you fear not being enough? And for those who are not mothers yet, is "the fear" stopping you from being a mother?

To all the mothers out there, give yourself credit for a job well done!

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