Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Facing my nightmare...

I am a good mother! Or am I?

“Through life, having a FEARLESS attitude (recognizing fear and facing them) is liberating
Seeking to live a fear free life is a lifelong commitment as long as the “unknown” is relevant and true in our path”
~Rose Sanderson

Have you ever found yourself wide awake, at any given moment or in an environment, having scary thoughts or "worst case scenario" endings? Do you have nightmares during the day? I do..... and most of the time it has to do with my children, their where-abouts and their well-being. I like to take the philosophical approach to understanding why my mind dwells on certain questions; questions like, "What if my kids get kidnapped?", or "What if my kids get abused?" Then there are the worries that include my hubby, like; "What if they get into a bad accident?", "What if I don't show them enough love?", or "What if they're not happy?" However, no matter how rational I try to be, I can't seem to understand the random dark thoughts. Neither do I understand why they seem to surface at the oddest times...

Far worse than these elusive fears, is my fear of not being a good mother.
I am a good mother, I am a good mother, I am a good mother...
Why am I chanting this? Who am I trying to convince?
This one thing I do know; I live this love and I welcome the commitment!

I observe and learn from what I see around me. I am also in awe of mothers who are masters of their time and are able to be actively present in all moments of their child's life. While I 'm in awe of them, do they see me as a "bad mother", due to the fact that I don't have the same availability (of time) to my kids? 

Children only know what they are taught and what they live. Their everyday lives are filled with normalcy; their version of normalcy may differ from that of their little friends, however, it will not differ so much as to make them question your motherhood. Especially when your motherhood is laced with love.
Still we question ourselves and each other. There is always judgment out there, positive or negative. There will always be someone looking, lurking, analyzing and judging your actions. That difference among us will have you labeled as either a "good mom" or a "bad mom". You'll either come across as a "deserving" or "unworthy" mother. You'll be judged against society, and compared to images and misconceptions promoted in all forms of media and entertainment.

I need to confront my fear of not being a good mom, because I AM a GREAT MOM. I need to immediately stop worrying about not being good enough, not giving enough, not teaching enough, not loving enough, not listening enough, not playing enough, not hugging enough, not being present enough, not being lenient enough, or simply not being enough.... because I am committed to being all and enough for my children.

The many kisses, "I Love You's" and hugs that I get daily, tell me the story that I need to remember when I'm confronted with "The Fear".

I'm not a perfect mother, but I am a good one. That's my reality.  

 “Intense Love does not measure…it just gives.”
                                                                         ~ Mother Teresa

What about you, Do you have a fear of being inadequate as a mother? Do you fear not being enough? And for those who are not mothers yet, is "the fear" stopping you from being a mother?

To all the mothers out there, give yourself credit for a job well done!


  1. Ne t inquiète pas nous sommes toutes dans le même cas que toi et je suis certaine que les pères aussi lorsque l on devient parent je penses que nous avons des idées sur le l éducation à donner à nos enfants ,mais au fur et à mesure nous sommes obligés de nous adapter à eux à l environnement, au monde dans lequel nous sommes, nous devons les éduquer et les préparer à affronter ce monde qui est parfois bien cruel ...nous devons faire cela au mieux avec nos peurs , nos angoisses ,on prie, on espère que jamais rien ne leur arrivera de grave , qu ils ne feront pas de mauvaises rencontres , qu'ils seront épargnés par les accidents de la route, mais malheureusement nous ne pouvons pas les protéger 24h/24 donc nous devons essayer de leur enseigner du mieux que nous pouvons à affronter la vie , à se faire une place en tant que bonne personne dans cette vie, dans ce monde , et nous ferons des erreurs car comme tu dis personne n est parfait de plus ta perfection n est peut être pas celle de quelqu'un d autre...Je me dis que j essaye de faire de mon mieux sans trop en faire ni sans trop peu,que j essaye de tout mon coeur être une bonne maman , et d'ailleurs je suis certaine d en être une ;-) ...Et j espère que j en ferais de bonnes personnes qui seront être fortes et faire de bons choix pour leur avenir ... voilà un petit commentaire d une autre maman ...

  2. U said perfectly.....the hugs,the kisses and the I love u's confirm what an amazing mom u are!!!! I think what u forgot to mention is the most u manage to juggle all the roles u woman,chef,amazing friend,house keeper,laundry lady,stylist,therapist and still find the time to be you!!! I think you are an amazing
    Mom and u don't need anyone to tell u thaiot because u are much more than that and that's what's so amazing about my rosy!!!! Love u SIS....The most important message about this blog is that today world is about being an incredible multiy tasker and we all experience these feeling because we all spread ourselves thin doing so!!!! So I would like to say "if u are a mother pat youself on your back for everything u accomplish in a day and always support and praise other mothers because we are all in the same boat!!!!! Xoxoxoxo

  3. Thank you Rose for sharing your version of Motherhood and for your honesty…

    I believe we all have different ideas about parenting and we should. “I respect everyone’s parenting style and I need everyone to respect mine”.

    So many of us struggled with whether we are a good mom or not and proving that there are all different kinds of mothers, I believe the love is the same across! But that is just my opinion, of course☺

    I believe the secret to being a great mother is “believing” in yourself because only you know what is right and wrong about your parenting and your children.

    I often have to remember that my children didn't come with manuals. I am a good mother that try my hardest; I’m willing to learn & admit I don’t not know it all but I enjoy my children, I am consistent, and listens. I am with my children all the time & it would be crazy to think we would not be pushing each others buttons from time to time. As for the other problems we face, I just keep trying new things, ask for advice when needed and be patient … I am still learning about each new phase of our lives and I live each day with a “meaning”…. and that is what matters the most.

    In the end we are doing the best we can and in comparison to so many kids out there, our children have it all and more!

    Rose, you are doing a terrific job as a mom with just the beautiful qualities you own and know how to express best. Your children have big hearts and are sweet and very smart. They will be successful in anything they do because of everything you have instilled in them.

    Your friend and sis always…

  4. The only way one can fail at being a mother is the minute she stops trying to be the best mother she can be. No matter who you are a woman will always fall short in some area because no one is perfect, but the woman that continually strives to be better for her kids and do better, (reflecting on motherhood constantly as you do), will always be a good mother.

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