Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Looking back...

If only I could turn back the hands of time… would it make a difference?

Looking around me, I see many familiar faces (families, friends and acquaintances) but I also see many that are fading away. I see faces that I extend my arms to but can’t reach, smiles and laughter that use to be genuine and heartfelt, but are now forceful and disingenuous. I remember situations; conversations I use to share with particular people because I knew they would bring me the comfort I needed. But now, the desire to seek for them, their time and their advice, is no longer as the link has changed. The memories and the love are still there but the connection is gone; leaving me, at first, clueless as to why…

Always remember that differences/changes created in any relationship can be caused by the natural, organic course of life, in which we will see people change (and life change), but it can also be caused by our own unintentional (or at times, intentional) careless and selfish behaviour. It can happen in that one moment when we just forget to stop and think about the consequences of our actions unto others, and in that one moment we can change the entire course of the relationship.

After thinking of relationships and situations in my life that, little by little, took different turns (all the while, totally oblivious of the gap that was being created), I now clearly see the changes and the losses and why we are where we are.

In life there are actions, and also outspoken or implicit words that you can't go back on. You can’t take them back, and all you’re left with is the option to just move on and hope for the best. Surfing through the web, I saw this posting listing all the things you can’t recover from. And while I read all of them, to me (and the majority of people reading) only 5 stood out in my life and here is why:

Here is my list of the 5 things you CANNOT recover from

                                 The stone…….after the throw

Why do we think that we are perfect when we can’t even define and live up to the word ourselves? Thousands, thousands and thousands of years ago we were told “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…” which basically meant to judge only if your own backyard is clean and if you are without sin. It has become so easy for people to judge, label, criticize and condemn without taking a deep and long look into the mirror.

Prepare to be judged if you judge others! Remember, thinking your house is in order is YOUR perception!
In today’s society, the phrase “cast in stone” means that “it is fixed, and it can’t be altered”. So right before you throw that stone, take time and think of the irreversible act you are about to commit and as hasty as you are to throw, it may just come back at you stronger and faster!

                                   The word............after it's said.

Words once spoken cannot be unspoken or erased; they can never be taken back. One may attempt to take them back but the damage is already done. Hurtful words not only sting deep, but also leave lasting scars, so make sure you own everything that comes out of your mouth. After all is said and done, there’s really no recovering from it! In my previous post I wrote “ I've always disciplined myself and would advise others to not respond, comment or acknowledge (openly) a situation when your personal feelings are in turmoil. If my thoughts and emotions aren't levelled, I’d be putting myself on the defensive which could ultimately result in me saying or acting in a way that I might…just might, regret” At times, we forget the weight that words carry and how irreversible (good or bad) and lasting the aftermath can be. You can always sincerely seek forgiveness and forgiveness may be granted but remember that forgetting is a totally different beast to tame.

                   The opportunity.........after it's missed and passed.

Those chances, and those blessings that we inadvertently let slip through our fingers…Nothing happens by chance; opportunities are blessings in disguise. Don't let them pass you by not understanding the “breaks” you are being handed. Don’t let them be in vain by taking them for granted, and don’t waste them away thinking that they will come back and knock on your door again.
We get side tracked by the irrelevant, the unimportant, the trivial and the petty things, and let the life changing openings/events and breaks pass us by. I sometimes sit and pray that I could change all the “should’ve, would’ve and could’ve” moments to “I have tried it, done it and mastered it”. But alas, I missed out on those opportunities, so all I can do is be sorry.

                                       The love.... after it's gone.

I tried to remember the last time I had a broken heart. Even though I need to go very, very far back into my past, I still remember the pain of feeling hopeless, useless and not good enough. Every relationship you exit, leaves an invisible scar that you can’t recover from, however it shapes you for your next one so that you can make better choices for yourself. 
Stepping forward without looking back, might just be the most difficult thing to do. The thing you should realize is, in the end (if it is for your own happiness) then trust me, you are a winner. 

Love Liberates
"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold—that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, 'I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go.'" — Dr. Maya Angelou

                                      The Time.... after it's gone.

I (very often) catch myself being amazed at how fast the day has passed, and how little time I have to accomplish all that I’ve planned. My days seem to run shorter, meanwhile my obligations seem to require an additional 5 more hours than the 24 alloted. Time is quite often running ahead of me and I’m struggling to keep up.
This, to me, might just be the number one unrecoverable loss. While you can try to make up and attenuate the consequences/aftermath of hurtful words (and judging someone) by apologizing, and recreate opportunities to cover your losses and move on to new love, you can’t turn back the hands of time, nor can you replace it. 
Time wasted … While you can try to reach back for your youth, you can’t reach back for your innocence, nor can you reach back for the baby years of your children, you just can’t… Life will keep on pushing forward, whether you’re ready or not. Live your life, appreciating every second that you are given. Own up to your good and bad, chalk them up as instructions on how to do better. Be better and seek the best. When the hourglass of life drops those last particles of sand, you want to be able to feel like you have lived to your fullest and have made full use of your time.

Life isn't all made up of huge cataclysmic moments. We have to learn to appreciate and learn from EVERY day, EVERY moment, EVERY being in our path, and EVERY experience ... even if it seems ordinary. Let’s remember to take time to appreciate life, the people whom surround you and the little precious moments which are far, few and in between, in our busy schedules. Life will throw at you unexpected curve balls. You will need to learn how to dodge and handle them, however, don’t let time, life, circumstances and stress overwhelm you to the point where you no longer take the time to pause and think things through before speaking out, or making decisions… Learn to manage all the controllable situations in your life and to let go of the uncontrollable.

What about you? What are the things you can’t forgive or forget? What are the steps you take in life to avoid having regrets generated by unrecoverable actions?
To avoiding regrets, Love always...

1 comment:

  1. I definetly have some regrets, not many....I don feel like I should be doing something else with my life! I know my clock is ticking and I'm bursting at the seems with what if's.......Everyday I wake up I feel it! However if I don't realize my dreams, this will be the biggest regret of my life!



Blogger Widgets