Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The pursuit of Unconditional Love…

The real question is: why do we have to pursue Unconditional Love? Isn’t Unconditional Love, by definition, love given without conditions or expectations? Isn’t Unconditional Love our God given right? Aren’t we supposed to expect this kind of love from our parents, families, lovers and (sometimes) friends? So why then, should we pursue something that is due to us?

Unconditional Love says: “I love you, simply because of our relationship” (but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I like you). I will always love you (but I may be angry at you, disappointed with you at times and I don’t want you around me).” Should you be content (and become complacent) knowing someone “says” they feel Unconditional Love for you, regardless of your sometimes inappropriate behaviour?

The following is part of my definition of love:
Love is the result of being able to continuously give without ALWAYS expecting an equal quantity back (at all times). As we all love differently, however, you do need to get some of that love back. You do need to set expectations, and you should see potential and prospect in the situation. Even if you like the similarities, the likeness you share and learn to respect the differences and dissimilarities in any given relationship, I’m not sure it’s possible for love to be 100% unconditional!

I believe Unconditional Love is Mythical. A beautiful concept but mythical…
I truly believe that God is the only one that holds the power to unwaveringly, continuously, and unconditionally love someone at all times.

I have a husband and 2 beautiful children that I love to death. There are also many more who are part of my life and that I love dearly. Like many, I’m guilty of using the term “Unconditional Love” to describe the extent of my love for them; however, if I want to be honest, I know that my love comes with conditions. I expect respect, love, care, consideration of my opinions, feelings and mostly, acknowledgment and appreciation of the person that I am and the love I’m giving. How can you give your total love to anyone who is of age, and of a sound mind (able to understand right from wrong and capable of acting in ways that are acceptable versus unacceptable) but refuses, choose to or feels that they don’t have to put forth any effort; simply because they know regardless of anything they do, you will love them unconditionally?
To promote Unconditional Love is to tell someone that their behaviour does not matter in any given situation because your love for them is without limit.
Unconditional Love means Love for granted.

Instead, strive to reach the “Conditional Love” and “Conditional Like”…

Isn’t it more rewarding to hear “I love you, I like you, I like the person that you are, I like the things that you do, and I like what you stand for?” Where is the joy or fun in hearing, “I’ll always love you because you are my son, my brother or my family member, BUT, I don’t like the person that you are or have become”?  This translates to: “I love you but I don’t want to have you around me.”

As humans, we have a strong love and close bonds toward our kids. We have unconditional responsibility, attachment, and we also feel duty toward specific people in our lives such as kids and family members. I also believe that we can unconditionally accept someone into our lives, surroundings (close friends) but when deception is too profound and hurts leave open wounds, the love is no longer present in its purity. Love, in any shape or form, should not be created by guilt or a mere sense of responsibility.

I believe we need to put an emotional value on our love and teach people the value of our love.
I believe that we need to clarify the fact that our love is a gift and not to be taken for granted.
I believe that the love you have needs to be striven for and you should expect that it be appreciated.
I do believe that Love has to be earned and deserved, not only because expectations are set but because you have learned right from wrong. Love is earned based on conscious or unconscious preconditions that we’ve learned from childhood on…
There can’t be Unconditional Love if there is resentment; resentment because of the behaviour, of the deception, of…

Conditional Love and Conditional Like…

People rejoice about Unconditional Love just because it gives them a sense of comfort, security and assurance but do you really strive for it? Do they really deserve it? Doesn’t Unconditional Love simply mean that you don’t have to do anything, my love for you is a given rather you’re good or bad?
But the reality of it is, people long for the concept of Unconditional Love from someone, all the while putting forth the effort in the relationship. I believe that they are striving for the “Conditional Like” and “Conditional Love”, trying to determine which will be more rewarding.

Many of the relationships that end in separation, divorce or broken friendships occur because the 2 (or more) parties have stopped liking each other. They stopped putting forth the effort. You will hear quite often “I will always love you but I just can be in this relationship any more” and “let’s be friends”. Love has been taken for granted and the desire to put forth the effort into pleasing has been forgotten. It has been forgotten to the point of not wanting to (or being able to) be around each other. Strained relationships between parents and their children are often due to giving in and being accepting of your child’s wrong doing, without showing consequences

What are your thoughts? Do you believe in the “Unconditional” with no conditions? What would you rather?
 To sharing appreciative love...


  1. Hmmm you have jumped into my thoughts today. Struggling with the person I love conditionaly and uncondditional, this helps put things in prospective. Thanks Big sis!
    Love conditional and unconditionaly ;)

    1. Dear Autie,
      your comment came really quick after the posting of this piece; I'm glad it came about when you needed help with a different perspective... You will know what's acceptable and unacceptable and if your love is placed where valued!
      Love ... (fill in the blank! LOL)

  2. Unconditional means... "NO CONDITIONS."

    I guess I think that "unconditional" isn't necessarily un-ending or un-damaged or "un-damagable". There are people we love that way (if we don't have our own emotional problems with loving people), and often we love them unconditionally forever, because nothing happens to damage that love. Sometimes, we may love someone that way until they do something bad enough, and/or bad enough and often enough, to damage it. Some people might say that's "conditional".

    I guess my definition (correct or not) is that it's unconditional provided it's within the bounds of what's "normal" (what's within the bounds of what makes a person loving, lovable, and worthy of love when it comes to his own actions).

    1. Hi Jas,

      Thank you for sharing your point of view!
      What's "normal" within your bounds is undeniably different than what's "normal" for someone else's.
      Any occurrence or behavior you may define as normal or damaging translate as having conscious or unconscious expectation within a given relation.
      I will agree with you on this; Unconditional does mean NO CONDITIONS.


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