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Tynt

Friday, May 25, 2012

In The Pursuit of Skinny Me...


When your vanity is not your priority…
When your motivation is not your entourage and what they think of you…
When your stimulation is not proving someone else wrong…
When your worry is not that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder…

Why are you pursuing the smaller you? Why are you chasing what “was” and might never again be possible?

I was at the office last week, having small talk with 2 of my staff members, and a discussion arose regarding a blind date that one of them was going to the following day. After talking about him (the gentleman who will be the “blind” date) and the little she knew about him, I asked her to show me a picture of the man in question; stating, “we need to make sure he is good looking”. One of the staff looked at me and said that to her, the physical “wasn’t important”. The other asked me, “Well... So what if you don’t find the person attractive, what then?” That was an easy question for me. I replied, “For me, the number one step is the physical attraction.  If I meet you, lay eyes on you and I’m not immediately attracted to you, then I don’t see how I can have an intimate relationship with you. I need to be attracted first, and then get to know you but it can’t be the other way around”.
Shallow? Maybe… but I don’t think so…
Everyone’s level of beauty/handsomeness or what they consider attractive is very different but I do believe that there is a threshold. I think that it is commune to everyone; however, the level of its importance is different…

You would think this is an issue that I would no longer have to worry about as I’ve been married for 15 years now. It’s a given that reciprocal attraction is what started this relationship, with stares (of barely two adults) from across a dance floor. We’ve since grown into the adults we are today…
I am blessed with a handsome husband, who even after I gained 40 pounds and went from a size 4 to a 10 (on good days), still loves and treats me the same. Every time I asked him the ultimate question, “Have I gained weight?” along the journey of my transformation, he keeps looking at me with a lost look and says, “Baby, you know I’m the wrong person to ask that question… I don’t notice those kinds of things”

Lies!...

“Beauty soon grows familiar to the lover, Fades in his eye, and palls upon the sense”
JOSEPH ADDISON

…And maybe not, his values in regards to that aspect are just different than mine… The love he has for me outside of the physical appearance overshadows any idiosyncrasies, quirkiness, and “blemishes” that create the visual me… Unfortunately for him and me, I’m not made from that cloth… All those changes are changes I didn’t agree with; I’m not comfortable with and are not part of me… And because I can’t find solace in the person I see in the mirror, the road to creating a better me, tapping into the person I am meant to be and getting to a place of inner happiness will never be completed unless I pursue and achieve a skinnier me…

The pursuit of skinny me is not the pursuit of vanity and shallow beauty…
It is the pursuit of who I am; who my inner self knows herself to be, who’s reflection in the mirror will finally overlap the picture of me cemented in my brain…
I believe the Rose I look at every day in the mirror for the last few years is beautiful, sexy and has no need to feel embarrassed but I just don’t connect with her. She is not a reality that I am able to connect with and there will always be sadness behind my eyes when I look at her…

When your spirit and confidence are your priority
When your motivation is the connection with self
When your stimulation is to not settle
When your worry is being able to live with your self

“I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there’s only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am”
Author Unknown

Be in the pursuit of what will make you whole…

Can you relate? Have you ever been in situation where you trying to accept something you don't relate to or accept? Is there anything in your life that you know unless you resolve or achieve it you will never be fulfilled and truly happy?

To loving yourself,
RosieSandz
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