Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Knowing When To Take a Break...

Sometimes, to preserve a great relationship, you have to let it go and give it a break. In order to keep relevant and exclusive memories about the relationship good and happy, you have to learn to gage when the time has come to leave that part of your life behind; if even just temporarily…

The cue...
When relationships mature in different ways than the individuals involved, it is one of the best signs that it has run its course or is coming to a fork in the road. Does this mean the love and respect for the individual (who is part of the relationship) are long gone? No… Although I would like to think that all good things have no ending, I don’t believe that everything has to last forever to be of meaning and value. If the closeness is no longer, it doesn’t mean that the friendship has lost its worth. It only means that the togetherness has diminished and the worth of the relationship will still be if we learn to let go at the right time… and do we pick back up when the time is right again?

Knowing when...
We grow, get in and out of relationships, and go through experiences; having kids, family worries, losing a job, being promoted, financial success or hurdles, deaths, sickness, etc… all that in many different orders, all at once or not at all. All these experiences can’t help but change and shape you along the way. Integrity, compassion, and love will help you keep it levelled with your friend and your friendship, however; an attitude of superiority, know-it-all and lack of compassion will put a strain on any friendship interaction.       

In a relationship you should be honest, respectful, loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, caring towards the other person, and treat them like they matter. A good friend is not your hired “yes man (or ma’am)” or your personal robot. They do not have to agree with you on everything! Jealousy and envy should have no say or space in the relationship. They should have your back and give undivided support in challenging situations, even if in private he/she lets you know you were wrong. Sincerely praise them when they do something right (and do this publicly) and reprove them privately. Being true in a relationship, you have to know time is of the essence; from knowing when to listen, to scold, to share advice, to be there and to act like they’re not there but are ready to catch you…

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”
Gloria Naylor
Taking ownership...
Ultimately, I have to look at myself in the mirror. I have to ask myself if all those “must’s” I listed (of what a good friend has to be) I myself embody and exemplify towards my friends. Not everyone has the same values and morals, or the same definition of what true friendship is and how it should play out. Certainly, as the one writing this, I need to make sure that I walk-the-walk and not just talk-the-talk!
I have so many faults as a person, and although with age I’ve become more of a loner, I value my friends and their friendship by showing and giving the totality of me. I appreciate them and voice it so they know and everyone around knows they are loved by me.

For the only relationship that holds a candle to a family bond is… Friendship

Have you ever found yourself in a relation going south? What did you decide to do?

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