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Monday, May 28, 2012

Letter to Myself...

Dear Self,                

 I figured that I’d write to you today instead of playing mind tag. I think we need to catch up and talk about all the conversations, events, wishes and desires you have in your heart; and the ones you’re yet needing to let out. I know how much of a loner you can be at times, so I know that there is a lot that must be bottled up inside of you. You have not shared it with me, so I know you haven’t shared it with anyone else either.

How are you self? And please, no need to tell me “all is well”, because as you know, I know everything about us. Maybe this time you will feel more comfortable with me telling you what I feel, being the inner you? We amount to one soul but we are very different at time…while I would like to go and make things happen for us, you always hold us back with your doubts and insecurities.

Self, you have to take the time to stop and let us decide what determines our happiness, and what our ultimate desires and wants are. I am growing tired of the internal turmoil that boils inside of us every day. I’m also tired of working towards a fulfilled “us” and then having to stop because someone else’s tales are priority over us. I’m tired of our insecurities that make us doubt what we can accomplish and become. I need you to take some me-time and work on us.

Every day I listen to your thoughts. I help you organize them in our head, and then put them together with you on paper. That way, everyone can read and understand what our process is, and where we’re trying to go with our life and vision. You are so good at knowing what is right, and you’re so good at being in tune with us, so why the guilt; why the hesitation, why are you trying to hold us back?

Our to-do list has not moved since the last time we spoke. I can hear it now, even before the words get typed; you want to blame the kids, the hubby and work. You’ll say that they are the reason why nothing you promised you would do got done. You want to blame the whole world as the reason of you being overwhelmed and frustrated but let me stop you there… let me be true to us and for us. Nothing gets done because you want to consider and manage others’ expectations of you before ours and you are being disorganized. You say "any goals are achievable through process and priceless is the feeling through achieving those goals"... Why don't you follow your own advice? Why not let our process take its course?

Rose, you and I are 1, and even though we are two very strong sides that make the one you, we are still only human. We have weaknesses, shortcomings, flaws, and inadequacies, regardless of all of our good intentions…
Be honest…at least with me… You have fears. Although you say “Be Fearless”, and preach that perfection doesn’t exist, you still set your bar at trying to achieve “Perfection”. Then when you hurt, you want to pretend that everything is okay…
You are amazing for being able to recognize that a lesson needs to be learned in any given situation. You have a great talent in your ability to convey your thoughts, but don’t think the life lessons learned are to be practice only on the day that you learn or unveil the meaning of them… it take times…sometimes a short time and sometimes a life time to adjust and change your ways… I don’t want us to continue fooling ourselves and pressure ourselves, while I know we need the time to master the new “we”.

Let’s enjoy the life we have now! 2 beautiful children, a gorgeous husband, amazing friendships, a home, a career… let’s work our issues out by looking at them through all the positives that surround us. A different outlook or point of view will make our “to Be” list more manageable and easier to confront. I’m done witnessing the tears of frustrations; I’m tired of hearing the self-criticism and self-abuse, all because of an unreachable goals and skewed time frame… I refuse to ever be 2nd to anyone, and then be rushed to be that new me/us.

Self, I started this letter by asking you how you were doing but I should have been straight forward and let you know this was my intervention for us. All I needed was for you to shut up and listen to the inner you/me.  While I understand that we need to keep evolving; I also need us to enjoy where, who and how we are at this time of our life. Don't discredit all that we have accomplish for the possibilities that have yet to be...

To listening to the inner me… Thank you Niks!

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Steve Jobs

What about you? Have you ever felt the need to have a conversation with yourself? Needed your inner voice to set you back straight? 

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