“Don't let your
past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you will be.”
My Big Fat Greek
Wedding
A while ago I decided to clean through
boxes of “stuff” packed up in the garage. I had so many boxes which meant
nothing (from the looks of them) and Summer was fast approaching, so a Spring
cleaning was due…
I don’t usually dwell on the past, and I
don’t get hit with the nostalgia syndrome. Actually, I do believe (that generally)
that I rebound pretty well from deceptions and quickly move away from any feelings
of regret, as if it all was part of another life.
Opening those boxes opened the gateway to
forgotten memories; to the innocent, naïve, carefree, gullible, youthful and
immature girl I use to be before the present…
I found pictures that told a thousand
stories. I found notes, memorabilia and I found journals… several leather bound
notebooks that, as soon as I lay my eyes on, made me face the past, my past… I
remember how I loved to write to myself. I loved to tell myself the stories of
dreams I had, of dreams I wished, of days with friends, of interests I had, of
loving my prince charming (or who I believed was my prince) and the stories of heartbreaks…
There are so many things I wished that I
had done differently. There are so many things I wished I hadn’t chosen to
pursue, because now I know how stupid, reckless, unwise, thoughtless and
hurtful those actions were towards me and possibly others.
But wishing is different than regretting…
Wishing can challenge and inspire you,
while regret can leave you hopeless and empty. It’s like trying to drive a car, only looking in the rear view mirror; while you’re focused on what’s
behind you, you forget that you’re still moving forward, and you could
potentially end up in a life-threatening accident. It’s true that you have to occasionally
look back, to see where you’ve come from, and to get a point of reference, but
you cannot live in the past. The past is there to learn from, to occasionally glance
at for smiles and lessons learned, and ultimately to move on from… On the other
hand, I believe that “wishing” is much different. Wishing can create a burning
desire within you for better; better for yourself, better for your loved ones,
better for your world. As humans, we should always want to improve, and if
there is no wish (or dream), there can’t be a “dream come true”. We all have to
understand the differences between “wishing” and regretting”.
Through reading pieces of my stories, I
understand why I made some of the subsequent decisions in my life. Spontaneity
has been replaced with less impulsive ways…
While looking at some of the pictures, I
visualize how I wish I still looked and a pinch of regret surfaces, but understanding
that the physical progressed with time and maturity shapes you makes everything
okay.
Stumbling into my past actually brought a breath
a fresh air…
While I miss the grandiose plans to change
the world, to conquer the world, to rule the world, while I miss the
insouciance, carefreeness and always being light hearted, I love the wisdom,
maturity, knowledge and ability to prioritize that the present is bringing into
my life. I have grown as a person, and although I might have wanted things to
turn out exactly as I dreamed, they turned out exactly as they should have.
Have you ever stumbled into your own past? How
did it affect you? Has it left you with regrets or did it fill you with hope?
Love always,
RosieSandz
RosieSandz
