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Tynt

Monday, May 21, 2012

Stumbling Into Your Past and Growing Into Your Future...


“Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you will be.”
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

                                         
A while ago I decided to clean through boxes of “stuff” packed up in the garage. I had so many boxes which meant nothing (from the looks of them) and Summer was fast approaching, so a Spring cleaning was due…

I don’t usually dwell on the past, and I don’t get hit with the nostalgia syndrome. Actually, I do believe (that generally) that I rebound pretty well from deceptions and quickly move away from any feelings of regret, as if it all was part of another life.
Opening those boxes opened the gateway to forgotten memories; to the innocent, naïve, carefree, gullible, youthful and immature girl I use to be before the present…

I found pictures that told a thousand stories. I found notes, memorabilia and I found journals… several leather bound notebooks that, as soon as I lay my eyes on, made me face the past, my past… I remember how I loved to write to myself. I loved to tell myself the stories of dreams I had, of dreams I wished, of days with friends, of interests I had, of loving my prince charming (or who I believed was my prince) and the stories of heartbreaks…

There are so many things I wished that I had done differently. There are so many things I wished I hadn’t chosen to pursue, because now I know how stupid, reckless, unwise, thoughtless and hurtful those actions were towards me and possibly others.

But wishing is different than regretting…

Wishing can challenge and inspire you, while regret can leave you hopeless and empty. It’s like trying to drive a car, only looking in the rear view mirror; while you’re focused on what’s behind you, you forget that you’re still moving forward, and you could potentially end up in a life-threatening accident. It’s true that you have to occasionally look back, to see where you’ve come from, and to get a point of reference, but you cannot live in the past. The past is there to learn from, to occasionally glance at for smiles and lessons learned, and ultimately to move on from… On the other hand, I believe that “wishing” is much different. Wishing can create a burning desire within you for better; better for yourself, better for your loved ones, better for your world. As humans, we should always want to improve, and if there is no wish (or dream), there can’t be a “dream come true”. We all have to understand the differences between “wishing” and regretting”.   

Through reading pieces of my stories, I understand why I made some of the subsequent decisions in my life. Spontaneity has been replaced with less impulsive ways…
While looking at some of the pictures, I visualize how I wish I still looked and a pinch of regret surfaces, but understanding that the physical progressed with time and maturity shapes you makes everything okay.

Stumbling into my past actually brought a breath a fresh air…

While I miss the grandiose plans to change the world, to conquer the world, to rule the world, while I miss the insouciance, carefreeness and always being light hearted, I love the wisdom, maturity, knowledge and ability to prioritize that the present is bringing into my life. I have grown as a person, and although I might have wanted things to turn out exactly as I dreamed, they turned out exactly as they should have.

Have you ever stumbled into your own past? How did it affect you? Has it left you with regrets or did it fill you with hope?

     Love always,
RosieSandz

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