“Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide
forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
–by Elizabeth Stone
This evening, while driving with my son to
my brother’s house (to pick up his sister), he started to ask me a series of
questions. At first, I thought that they were funny questions with obvious
answers, but then it turned into deeper subject matter (which he covered up
with laughter). I could sense that my
answers were very carefully analyzed and digested. He would ask the same
question (turned many different ways) over and over, just to test the
consistency of my answer(s).
At the heart of the conversation was him
and his sister “always being there for their mom, no matter what,” and it moved
on to his own unconditional love for me. In his words, “Well, I can’t speak for
my sister but I know I would,” to his pragmatic side taking over and declaring,
“Well, I don’t want to make any promises because you never know what could
happen to me and I’m unable to be there for you.” To that I replied, “I would
never let anything happen to you, if it was left up to me.”
“Mommy, what if Scientists needed my brain,
because I’m so smart, to help save the world... then what then?” he said.
“Well son, they would have to find another
solution because I’m not letting them take you away from me” I responded.
“But mommy what if I’m the only one that
could help save thousands of people?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to tell you but I will
never decide to let you go to save someone else” I replied.
Giggles…and you can tell he was happy with
my answers but not quite sure if I would bend…
“Mommy, what if you, daddy, and my sister were
all sick, along with grandma and grandpa? What would you say, would you let
them save you (using my brain)?” he asked.
“Baby,
if God decided that it was our time to deal with a terminal disease and you
would be the only one not affected, then so be it.
It will probably be harder for you to be left behind by yourself but I could
never decide to be a part of the detriment of you! You probably won’t
understand until you become a parent yourself; then you will realize that when it comes to your kids, the pragmatic
and rational gets trumped by emotion and love.”
Again he giggled and said “Mommy I love you!”
While the conversation started as a light,
fun back and forth, it now had me a little despondent as I thought of how much
love I have for my angels but how sometimes it is just not enough to keep us
safe and together. As a mom, I know deep
in my core that there is not a situation on this earth that would make me
decide to put my kids in danger nor protect them first and foremost before
myself or anyone… The ONE thing I pray to be spared of is to be put in a
situation where I would have to choose between saving one of my children over
the other…That’s the one thing that I couldn’t stomach, couldn’t decide… I
couldn’t live with!
We got to my brother’s (house) and as he
was there with his wife and daughter, my son decided to share our conversation
to see what their point of view was. As expected, their view was the same as
mine, as most/all parents out there should… But soon, as we were finally done
with the topic, my sister shared a story that had just come up in the news the
previous day and just how heart wrenching it was. Police were speed-chasing a
car that a robber was trying to flee with. The car rolled over a couple times
and a 1 year old got ejected through the window. The poor child gets up, trying
to run after the car which is still attempting to move, tumbles and gets up
again until the car stops and someone comes out and grabs the child… See
video caught on tape
I was flabbergasted and heartbroken
watching the video. Watching this poor
little girl instinctively run after those who are supposed to keep her safe
(but unbeknownst to her just put her life in great danger), I’m
dumbfounded…
Didn’t I just say to my son that as a
parent the sense of protection and the need to keep our children safe (of
course I’m talking about sane, healthy, normal parents) is an innate
predisposition, inherited even before giving birth?
Didn’t I just tell him that “they” become
first and foremost, before sense and sensibility?
Didn’t I just give him a whole monologue
about how a parent’s love is greater than anything/anyone in the world and how
our main focus is protecting “them?”
Deciding
to become a parent is a choice, regardless of whether the timing is right or if
it’s something that you didn’t envision in your future. Once you’ve decided (for whatever reasons) to accept the idea and
carry your pregnancy to term, you decide to make changes in your life. You decide
to change your priorities. You decide to rearrange your ways. For some, the
process is started before conception (when a planned pregnancy occurs) and for
others, after finding out about the pregnancy. The idea is not to sacrifice
your happiness for your child but to willingly prioritize for their well-being.
The idea is to realize that they are more important than you and your needs. They didn’t ask to be here, we brought
them.
There should never be an instance that
would justify putting, keeping or leaving your child in or near harm’s way.
They are dependent on us, our experience, and our values. Because of that, they
should be our number one priority. You should love your children, not only
because they are yours but because you’ve brought them into this world. They
are the start of your legacy and who would be better to protect it?
Now-a-days, there are so many instances
where our children are being targeted by predators, psychopaths, molesters and
bullies. There are so many negative entities that we have to shield and protect
them from that, to me, it is of
inexplicable sadness to hear that a child has been put in danger by the very ones
who brought them into this world…
Is there anything more rewarding than when
your child reaches maturity/adulthood, they look you in the eyes and thank you
for who they are and having brought them this far in life; safe, loved and with
knowledge? That is my aspiration. That is my number one goal and there is
NOTHING on God’s green Earth that could or would make me behave or forget the
pecking order of those in my life…
“...the love,
respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive
for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
To embracing our most important role...
RosieSandz
