Monday, June 18, 2012

A Parent's Choice-Less Choice...

“Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
–by Elizabeth Stone

                                                                    Picture Source

This evening, while driving with my son to my brother’s house (to pick up his sister), he started to ask me a series of questions. At first, I thought that they were funny questions with obvious answers, but then it turned into deeper subject matter (which he covered up with laughter). I could sense that my answers were very carefully analyzed and digested. He would ask the same question (turned many different ways) over and over, just to test the consistency of my answer(s).
At the heart of the conversation was him and his sister “always being there for their mom, no matter what,” and it moved on to his own unconditional love for me. In his words, “Well, I can’t speak for my sister but I know I would,” to his pragmatic side taking over and declaring, “Well, I don’t want to make any promises because you never know what could happen to me and I’m unable to be there for you.” To that I replied, “I would never let anything happen to you, if it was left up to me.”
“Mommy, what if Scientists needed my brain, because I’m so smart, to help save the world... then what then?” he said.
“Well son, they would have to find another solution because I’m not letting them take you away from me” I responded.
“But mommy what if I’m the only one that could help save thousands of people?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to tell you but I will never decide to let you go to save someone else” I replied.
Giggles…and you can tell he was happy with my answers but not quite sure if I would bend…
“Mommy, what if you, daddy, and my sister were all sick, along with grandma and grandpa? What would you say, would you let them save you (using my brain)?” he asked.
“Baby, if God decided that it was our time to deal with a terminal disease and you would be the only one not affected, then so be it. It will probably be harder for you to be left behind by yourself but I could never decide to be a part of the detriment of you! You probably won’t understand until you become a parent yourself; then you will realize that when it comes to your kids, the pragmatic and rational gets trumped by emotion and love.”
Again he giggled and said “Mommy I love you!”

While the conversation started as a light, fun back and forth, it now had me a little despondent as I thought of how much love I have for my angels but how sometimes it is just not enough to keep us safe and together. As a mom, I know deep in my core that there is not a situation on this earth that would make me decide to put my kids in danger nor protect them first and foremost before myself or anyone… The ONE thing I pray to be spared of is to be put in a situation where I would have to choose between saving one of my children over the other…That’s the one thing that I couldn’t stomach, couldn’t decide… I couldn’t live with!

We got to my brother’s (house) and as he was there with his wife and daughter, my son decided to share our conversation to see what their point of view was. As expected, their view was the same as mine, as most/all parents out there should… But soon, as we were finally done with the topic, my sister shared a story that had just come up in the news the previous day and just how heart wrenching it was. Police were speed-chasing a car that a robber was trying to flee with. The car rolled over a couple times and a 1 year old got ejected through the window. The poor child gets up, trying to run after the car which is still attempting to move, tumbles and gets up again until the car stops and someone comes out and grabs the childSee video caught on tape

I was flabbergasted and heartbroken watching the video. Watching this poor little girl instinctively run after those who are supposed to keep her safe (but unbeknownst to her just put her life in great danger), I’m dumbfounded…
Didn’t I just say to my son that as a parent the sense of protection and the need to keep our children safe (of course I’m talking about sane, healthy, normal parents) is an innate predisposition, inherited even before giving birth?
Didn’t I just tell him that “they” become first and foremost, before sense and sensibility?
Didn’t I just give him a whole monologue about how a parent’s love is greater than anything/anyone in the world and how our main focus is protecting “them?”

Deciding to become a parent is a choice, regardless of whether the timing is right or if it’s something that you didn’t envision in your future. Once you’ve decided (for whatever reasons) to accept the idea and carry your pregnancy to term, you decide to make changes in your life. You decide to change your priorities. You decide to rearrange your ways. For some, the process is started before conception (when a planned pregnancy occurs) and for others, after finding out about the pregnancy. The idea is not to sacrifice your happiness for your child but to willingly prioritize for their well-being. The idea is to realize that they are more important than you and your needs. They didn’t ask to be here, we brought them.
There should never be an instance that would justify putting, keeping or leaving your child in or near harm’s way. They are dependent on us, our experience, and our values. Because of that, they should be our number one priority. You should love your children, not only because they are yours but because you’ve brought them into this world. They are the start of your legacy and who would be better to protect it?

Now-a-days, there are so many instances where our children are being targeted by predators, psychopaths, molesters and bullies. There are so many negative entities that we have to shield and protect them from that, to me, it is of inexplicable sadness to hear that a child has been put in danger by the very ones who brought them into this world…

Is there anything more rewarding than when your child reaches maturity/adulthood, they look you in the eyes and thank you for who they are and having brought them this far in life; safe, loved and with knowledge? That is my aspiration. That is my number one goal and there is NOTHING on God’s green Earth that could or would make me behave or forget the pecking order of those in my life…

“...the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy.”
― Louisa May AlcottLittle Women

To embracing our most important role...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blogger Widgets