Friday, June 8, 2012

What Puts The "Best" in Best Friend?

It’s amazing to me how easily people use the terms “friend” and” best friend”, when at best they should use the term “acquaintance”…
I can say that I am well-travelled and have been witness to many different cultures and belief systems. Because of that, I can state that I’ve never been in a society where those terminologies are used as freely as saying “hi” and “goodbye”, which translates into the quickness of when the relationship starts and ends…
I’ve come to notice that in this part of the world, where we mostly glorify the superficial and shallow, and the primarily focus is on self, there’s a serious issue. All that, combined with a strong one-sided capitalist mentality that leaves you with no time to develop and focus on anything other than self-survival, meaningful terminologies like ‘friendship’, ‘sisterhood’, and ‘brotherhood’ are used stupidly; more for show than for what they truly stand for…

I believe that the media plays a big role in the decline of society’s common sense; sense of value and sense of relationship. From game shows that promote competition, where when all is going well people become best friends in a matter of days, and meet the soul mate they have been looking for all their lives. Then, when all fails (in a matter of hours or days in most cases) you move on ready to kill your “former-best friend/new adversary”. Then there are the reality shows like “Basket Ball Wives”, “Housewives of …” who are truly just a disgrace to any relationship by the way they portray and behave themselves.

So now when there are so many situations that call for a label on relationships between individuals, the different tiers of friendship need solid definition:

  1. Acquaintances: (which are occasional amity/relationship between people who have basic characteristics, personalities and interests in common, who see each other socially more than privately, mainly for fun, although at times serious moments are shared. When distance gets in the way (due to moving away, or life obligations), these relationships usually don’t survive, and fade away with only a thought…
  2. Friends: People who meet up at times regularly or not, for lunch, dates, shopping trips, catch-ups on life and gossip. You genuinely like each other and always manage to keep in touch somehow, as you appreciate them and their company. You trust each other and have each other’s back when you are in need or are right there in times of rejoicing.
  3. Best friends: These are the people who truly understand you, know the actual you, and appreciate the person you are. There is no façade, there is never a need to perpetrate, hide, embellish, lie or preserve them from your behaviour, as we/you accept each other with your faults. Through thick or thin, high and low, best friends/true friends stand the test of time.
What is a friend?
It takes constructive effort to take a relationship from acquaintance to friend. After you learn to know someone and spend a great deal of time with them, you develop a need and understanding for each other. The “wish-for-the-best” attitude towards each other will be and is the basis of the relationship. Friendship is based on the belief that the person will not harm you and their interaction with you will always be genuine and consistent. When in challenging situations, they will always be truthful, honest and in difficult situations they will feel sympathy and show you empathy.
A friend will be very similar to you in personality and character; they will have many of your likes and dislikes. While you will share many common grounds, some of the differences you will find in them won’t be a deterrent; however to the contrary, they will be inspirational. Friends are ultimately an asset to your life as they enhance it with new outlooks and challenges that are in line with your vision and provide you with the necessary support you need to achieve it by cheering you on.
From one friend to another, the nature of the relationship will be different as individuals bring different layers of quality. However, you need to identify and cherish each ones qualities as real. Deep friendships are needed in everyone’s life.

There are 2 categories of relationship management when it comes to bond between people; either you are the kind of person that has many friends but only have very little unit of close friends/best friends or like me, you have few friends but most are considered close. Especially with experience and age, I have been able to identify the few that I share a strong kind of friendship with. To those I’m closest…my besties.

What puts the “best” in friend?

“I haven't seen you in a while, yet I often imagine all your expressions. I haven't spoken to you recently, but many times I hear your thoughts. Good friends must not always be together. It is the feeling of oneness, when distant that proves a lasting” Unknown

What puts the “best” in my friends is not necessarily the length of time that I’ve know them but actually how well we’ve progressed in our relationship. It’s the fact that when we are together (or even apart), the thought of them and our memories makes me happy. It’s the fact that they are part of my extended family. It is easy to make friends and foster great friendships. However, it isn’t a given that the latter will fall into the BEST friend category: that selective category where your inclusion means that in times of crisis, in times of need, in times of sorrow, in times of joy, and in times of celebration or just because, the people that come to mind, apart from direct family are the faces of those I created the unconditional bond with. My best friends are the ones who, when I finally decide to do or go anywhere, will be there along with my family or who I would rather go with. Now, I’m not the conventional best friend; I enjoy my time alone. I’m not an introvert or a withdrawn person but I appreciate, enjoy and do best when with myself and direct family. So for me, a best friend is one that knows me and knows that regardless of my sometimes recluse attitude, I’ll always be there for them (no matter what). I will help, listen, and stand up for them no matter what and vice versa. A best friend is someone who, even if you wanted to (after an argument, fight…), you couldn’t ever let go of the pure love, and you could never forget them. A best friend is someone you love whole-heartedly and with no reservations, which are gems very rare to find.

The one thing I have to keep on reminding myself is to not take any friendship or relationship for granted. Like with human, the relation need to be loved, acknowledged, given at times undivided attention so it can keep growing healthy and strong. In good times be present and in still quiet times, make your presence known, if only to share a smile so that in challenging times no back will be turned…

“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." - Pam Brown

What about you, are you able to define all your relations and why certain people fall in certain categories? What does it for you? What puts the "best" in best friend?

   Love always...

1 comment:

  1. Meilleure amie ...c est la personne à qui tu peux TOUT dire j ai beaucoup d amies des personnes qui sont là aussi bien dans les bons comme dans les mauvais moments ...Et cela est deja rare ! Mais j ai une meilleure amie malgré qu on se voit pas souvent , malgré qu elle ne me donne pas souvent des nouvelles meme si elle m a promis de remédier à cela mais je la connais tellement bien , meme si à chaque fois j espère qu elle va tenir parole !!! je sais qu elle n y arrivera pas mais comme c'est ma meilleure amie je lui pardonne tjs , cette personne est comme une soeur et je penses que depuis 26 ans qu'on se connais on s est engeulée enfin elle m a engeulé 1 fois autant dire que du bon temps toutes les 2 .Je regrette juste de ne pas la voir assez souvent tellement de chose que j aimerais partager avec elle mais la distance ...mais l amitié est tjs et restera une chose HYPER importante ....Elle sait et se reconnaitra ma meilleure AMIE


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