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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

When Reaching Rock Bottom is Not Enough...

When hitting that brick wall doesn’t hurt or even faze you enough to make a necessary life change, when stubbornness leads you to self-destruction, and when the need to “win” leads you to lose yourself; what is the price you are willing to pay for guarantee unhappiness? What mirror do you need to walk in front of, to catch that mere reflection of the essence of the real you… of what used to be you?

I find that there is an interesting disconnect in the way some of us perceive ourselves. How can you fight so hard for someone’s (exclusive) love and attention because you feel you are good (or you are “it” for that person), but you can’t love and care for yourself enough to know you deserve the same, if not better? Love should see you evolve and not regress. While the love you feel for someone should encompass the majority of your thoughts, you can never let it make you forget that you are your first priority. How much are we willing to lose of ourselves, for a mockery of love; for a parody of a relationship?
Reality can’t be that blind when the pain is screaming shamelessly…

Love should be chanted and proclaimed on roof tops and not whispered as a best kept secret between two lovers…when real; it is a gift to truly celebrate. Love is both substantial and generous. I just posted not too long a go, “When Love Doesn’t Mean Everything”, where I stressed that love is not meant to last forever, *UNLESS* you put in the work, effort and commitment to make it everlasting. However, before thinking of the forever you need to make sure that what you are feeling and receiving is not a dream; which means that it is always real, not imaginary, and shared, not imposed.

When the “love” you feel for someone else takes over the love you have for yourself, you know you are treading on damaging ground. Be independent, selfish but selfless, assert yourself and value yourself… the standards you hold yourself up against need to be higher than what you hold him/her against.

Most of us have been there; where we thought “this is it!”, “this is the love of my life!” and “this is the person I was meant to spend my life with!” How many times over the course of our lives can we look back and wish we hadn’t made that proclamation? It’s easy to get wrapped up into a comfortable lie, where we ignore the many warning signs, the sound advice of those who care about us, and even the many examples we see all around us. You can spend half an hour watching any popular “Jerry Springer” type show, and clearly see that lies will always be brought to the light eventually. Just because we convince ourselves that what we have is real, does not automatically cause a shift in the universe, which will allow us to re-write the facts. As good as it might make you feel, it is simultaneously ripping you apart. You’re losing a piece of yourself with every moment that passes by, and eventually you become unrecognizable. How sad would it be to wake up one day, look around and say, “Who am I?” You have gone beyond your limit. You’ve already been given your last warning. You’ve already been told by life that this was your last chance to make things right, but deep down inside, you still feel like you need this. What do we do when we find ourselves there?
Love is actual, yet not always powerful, due to the fact that love can also be weak; as such is the nature of the heart. As a child, you’re told to “follow your heart”. How funny is it then, that some of the most simplistic advice on earth can lead to our ultimate demise. Yes, following your heart is right, as long as it’s being lead by your rationally thinking brain. That said; don’t follow your heart after you’ve had 4 drinks. Don’t follow your heart after you’ve been fired, and it’s telling you to jump off a building. Don’t follow your heart after you’ve caught him/her cheating, and it tells you to shoot everyone. Certainly, don’t follow your heart when it’s telling you to go home with that shady character you just met. Don’t always follow your heart. Instead, follow sound judgement. Listen to your heart, and measure it against what you know to be right, that’s the winning recipe.

When reaching rock bottom isn’t enough, you’ll find yourself in something worse; your own personal Hell. If you can’t find the necessary self-love to walk away from the thing that’s killing you from the inside-out, then do it for those who care for you the most. The one’s who have invested time, energy and love in you deserve to see you succeed! They should see you find the right kind of love and success, not witness you fall deep into a bottomless pit of depression and self-abuse. If this is you, and you’re reading this, I am no expert. However, I have observed a certain truth; anything celebrated in the “dark” will usually leave you empty. Take the necessary steps you need to take. Do it for yourself. Do it for your family. You deserve better. Do you agree?

Tony Robbins once said “there are two things that motivate people to make dramatic changes in their lives: inspiration and desperation. 

Believe it or not, there is incredible force that generates from hitting rock bottom; so be inspired by your desperation and turn the debilitated comportment into a stronger you…
Rock bottom is the dead end you couldn’t avoid but the beauty in reaching that place is knowing that it is your opportunity to turn things around and start over toward expectations that can only be higher and bigger than that lower-point you are willing to leave behind.

To loving you first, 

Photo by Neal

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