“We are all
equal in the fact that we are all different. We are all the same in the fact
that we will never be the same. We are united by the reality that all colours
and all cultures are distinct & individual. We are harmonious in the
reality that we are all held to this earth by the same gravity. We don't share
blood, but we share the air that keeps us alive. I will not blind myself and say
that my black brother is not different from me. I will not blind myself and say
that my brown sister is not different from me. But my black brother is he as
much as I am me. But my brown sister is she as much as I am me.”
~ C. JoyBell C.
In a nightclub, a group of cute
coffee-brown to high-yellow skin toned (and carefree) girls were walking around
the crowd and dance floor, when one of them stopped. Her attention became focused
on the middle of the dance floor and that attention quickly became a stare; a
stare at this tall, light-skinned, gorgeous black man with easy dance moves. Their eyes connected for a brief moment. He
kept on dancing and she kept on staring. Her attention shifted to his dance
partner; the person that had kept him on the dance floor for the past 6 minutes
she had been staring. She was white… and that simple fact (at that exact moment) didn't sit well with her. She was pretty… but she thought she was prettier. She
could dance… but she knew she danced better. But the obvious was that she was
white… why wasn't he giving his attention and time to some of the black girls
in the club? By now her stare had become obvious and intrusive, with sole
objective being to generate a reaction from this handsome guy. He stopped
dancing, and then whispered in her ears; they laughed, hugged and parted
ways…finally. He turned around, stared back and started to walk towards the
girl and her friends who had been watching him. Confidently, he stood in front
of her, extended his hand and asked her to dance. She smiled, put her hand in
his and they made their way to the dance floor, complete with a background full
of giggles and laughs from her friends.
Was it a subconscious challenge that she
had just won? Was it just the satisfaction that her assumption that this “black
man she didn’t know would only like white women”, had been proven wrong?
Whatever the case was, they danced all night long and today, 21 years later, they
are still dancing…
That young girl who felt entitled to this
black man’s attention, and that young girl who for the first time saw the “white”
in white and the “black” in black as being different (just because she needed any
reason to dislike the person taking the attention away from her); that young
girl was me… And boy, was I silly.
What is it that leads us to evaluate people
based on race anyway? Why do we care so much about the ethnicity of others? Are
we that petty, or are we taught early to stay within the realm of our
environments, and not to stray too far from people who look like us? Let’s
delve a little deeper…..
“It is when we
think we can act like God that all respect is lost, and I think this is the
downfall of peace. We lie if we say we do not see color and culture and
difference. We fool ourselves and cheat ourselves when we say that all of us
are the same. We should not want to be the same as others and we should not
want others to be the same as us. Rather, we ought to glory and shine in all of
our differences, flaunting them fabulously for all to see! It is never a
conformity that we need! We need not to conform! What we need is to burst out
into all these beautiful colors!”
~C. JoyBell C.
I always have a good laugh when in the
midst of a certain discussion. There were some Caucasians being questioned
about not being honest about their feelings towards black people. They were
saying “I like black people… I have 2 friends that are black and I let them
come to my house…”
But at this moment, reading my intro story,
I feel very hypocritical. I feel just the same, as I wanted to say at that
moment in time, and certainly now, I had and have plenty of white friends; I’ve
even dated a white manJ. Yet
still, I had an undeniable pinch in my heart, for the first time, when I looked
at the mixed couple as they were on that dance floor…
In hindsight, I realize that race had
absolutely nothing to do wit hit. It wasn’t necessarily what she looked like
and the color of her skin that upset me, but the simple fact that it wasn’t me
on that dance floor with him… The fact that “she” was on the dance floor with
the object of my desire, made me want to find something wrong with her… and
unfortunately the only thing I could find (and the most obvious thing) was the
fact that she was white. If he had been on the floor with a black girl, I’m
sure I would’ve found something wrong with that picture also. Maybe she
would’ve been “too Ghetto”, or maybe I would have called her a “No-good
tramp”…. Who knows? It could have been one of my friends dancing wit him; that
might have burned me to the core too. So, I’m hypocritical for snarling when
Caucasians are on the defensive and trying to justify or prove their alliance
to blacks, but I’m definitely relieved that (in spite of my silly fixation back
at the club) I’m not a “closet racist”!
I was brought up in an atmosphere that had
us believe that you shouldn’t get into an intimate relationship until you’re
ready for marriage, and where it was a given that me and my siblings’ mates
would be black. It was an assumed, unwritten rule which we quickly overlooked,
with few of my brothers dating white women and one getting married to one. I gradually
learned that attraction is far bigger and beyond race. We are attracted to
characteristics, things that are not specific to a particular race. We like to
focus on only a few specifications that don’t necessarily guarantee us finding
a good mate. We all have our preferences and definition of what’s attractive to
us, so shouldn’t we be able to focus on what’s appealing to us without exposing
ourselves to criticism as our spectrum is self-limited and self-defined?
Why is there a feeling of that big “elephant
in the room” when referring to interracial couples? Why the big controversy?
Why do interracial relationships still stir up bitterness? Is it insecurity
that makes us dislike the mixing of races, or is it simply (and sadly) the
result of a history. which created this palpable interracial antipathy?
Early America US
So what are we left with? What did history
give us as baggage to carry and overcome other than bitterness and resentment? What
do we have, other than the need to have to fight tooth and nail for what we
believe in and our freedom?
While interracial relationships have become
widely accepted and enshrined, there are many myths and stereotypes that have
surfaced. These myths cast a shadow on couples involved and sometimes prevent
them from being fully comfortable open about it, like same race couples.
Here are some of the myths and stereotypes
that have been floating around for years:
- · White guys treat black women better
- · Black women treat black men too harsh and that’s why they stay away and refuse to deal with them (black women)
- · White women let black man get away with more (are more accommodating)
- · Black men think of white women as a prize
- · White women are “easier”
- · Black women are insecure about their appearances and try to get “white people looks” i.e. straight hair, skin bleaching…
- · White women get into a relationship with a black man just to spite black women
- · All successful black men date white women because they are socially better, as they “know how to act” and will help their economic stature
- · White women are with black men because they have low self-esteem or want to rebel
Are we ever going to be in the position of
accepting that love is beyond
color and laws?
I don’t think these stereotypes are what Mildred and Richard
Loving fought for (against Virginia
“I believe in recognizing every
human being as a human being neither white, black, brown, nor red; and when you
are dealing with humanity as a family there's no question of integration or
intermarriage. It's just one human being marrying
another human being or one human being living around and with another human
being.”
~ Malcom X
…But at the end of the day isn’t there only
ONE race?
There’s only the human race. And within
that race, there are different ethnicities, diversity in skin colors and different
physical characteristics…
So my belief about interracial relationships
is that whatever your heart desires should be dictating the course of your love.
We should not base our relationships and love base on pigmentation, melanin and
certainly not on someone else opinion. But have no fallacy on that matter; the
acceptance from others concerning your relationship is not the biggest problem
you will face. YOUR biggest issue (and the only that should matter) will be
your ability to deal with and overcome culture clashes as the issue of
interracial marriages/relationships is so much deeper than dealing with one’s
color.
Picture a Muslim in a relationship with a
Christian or a Irish person in a relation with an African… the relationship is
possible but becomes more of a intercultural relationship which requires
acceptance and concession of some of your core values; of what was ingrained in
you from the start.
Imagine a blind person in a relationship,
unless you let them know of the color of your skin, they would never know; but
given some time, they will be able to assess like everyone else the cultural
compatibility or lack thereof…
Let me ask you, have you ever been in an
interracial relationship? If so, what was the “response” to your relation?
Where your family and friends open to the relationship? Do you think most
people date different race for experience or out of genuine attraction? Would
you be upset if your child, brother or sister dated/married outside your race? Why
or why not? Are you like me and think that most issues interracial couples face
are more culturally and socially base than racially base?
To the freedom of love and acceptance,
RosieSandz
