Friday, August 24, 2012

Don't Get it Twisted... Life WILL Go On Without Us...

“All the cemeteries in the world are
full of indispensable men”
~Charles de Gaulle

What did I do to get this little piece of advice? Or should I say what did I not do?

The older we get, the more responsibilities we take on; and the more we allow people and situations to rely on us for their everyday function-ability. And we falsely believe that we have things under control; that no matter what, we are first and foremost … we are sometimes delusional in thinking that our priorities are in proper order.
And little we know…

During July 4th weekend, I organized a roller skating “challenge” with my relatives. There was my side of the family (the Euro/African contingent) and “the hubby's” side of the family (Detroiiiiiit represent!). Should I even say that from the time I concocted this “challenge,” I knew our fate…Shoot, no one on my side even knew how to skate and the “intense” class sessions we took just gave us the mere ability to perpetrate and talk s*** on the skating rink. The whole while, I knew darn well we were doomed! J But if there's one thing we're good at, it's being a good sport and staying competitive!
There wouldn’t be any purpose of this story without telling the highpoint (or should I say, "Low-point"); which was me (in all of my glory) being bulldozed on the rink by little kids, falling hard to the floor and twisting my ankle pretty badly. And there was my chance for the gold, rushing painfully down the drain!
Let me now elaborate on how I got my imaginary degree in General Medicine with a concentration in Radiology… Age… Age simply gave me the wisdom to be able to assess every ache and pain, and also gave me the wherewithal on how to treat those situations, it also gave me the opportunities to observe and apply all my “findings". And then there was luck…(yes luck), that kept me and mine alive!!!!
So here I am, almost 2 months after the “epic fall” in the skating rink, with an ankle that has a mind of its own; an ankle which after 1 ½ weeks of being kept elevated and in a soft brace, feels as if I wasted my time. I have an ankle which doesn’t allow me to contemplate any exercise, which swells at the sight of a high heel shoe, which at sunrise looks like a size 2 but at sundown looks like a size 14, which has developed a heartbeat of its own, that the pulse and throbbing keeps me in discomfort at night…and yet, through all of this, I still don’t see the need to go see a real doctor!

Simply because I’m needed, and simply because I’m indispensable; I’m essential to my surroundings and I believe nothing will get done the way it needs to be done (which is my way) if I were to be taken out of the equation… So I believe…

I was catching up with my "sistergirl" and giving her the rundown of all my physical troubles and then she asked me, “What are you doing about it?” After giving her the spiel about why I couldn’t and didn’t do anything about it, I had to admit (in shame) that I had self-evaluated myself but that I’m realizing that I might have been wrong.
That’s when the sermon…the word of wisdom befell on me…
(if anyone generally speaks in a language different than their first dialect with people that do speak your first dialect, when you want to make or stress a point you revert, at that moment –like a punctuation- to speaking your first language).
She said “Rose, ma grandmere me disait toujours pour me remettre les pendules a l’heure, les cimetieres sont remplis de gens indispensable…”
Meaning: “Rose my grandmother used to always say, to get me back on track, cemeteries are full of indispensable people…”

Wow… She went for the jugular! I suddenly could picture myself 6 feet under, my kids living their life beautifully and “the hubby” as true to himself, looking ahead and not behind…and yes, life would go on without me…maybe differently, as to be indispensable is a twofold perspective. Me with all my being, I’m a disposable commodity like every single one of us. It's a twofold perspective because even though the participants and inclusive beings in my everyday life rely on me for direction and solutions, there is nothing on this earth any one couldn’t accomplish without me. It might not be the way I would or would like it to be done BUT it will be done!

The sun will rise and shine every morning… The earth will continue to rotate… Children will continue to grow… Organizations will recoup of any disruption… Hurts and pain will dissipate… Memories will take the backseat with seldom reappearance…

So let’s learn to be first and foremost in our lives by taking care of “me”, making “me” happy, and by committing to loving “me” first before anyone else. A little healthy selfishness goes a long way. We need to realize that the idea of being indispensable is just that…an idea, that can be crushed as fast as it took for you to believe it!
When you finally realize that you are not indispensable, you can live and will be able to leave this evolving world with a clear conscience and peace of mind; knowing that your loved ones will be able to live on and continue to blossom without you!

Ode to the Indispensable Man

Sometime, When you're feeling important
Sometime, When your ego's in bloom
Sometime, When you take it for granted
That you're the best qualified in the room Sometime,
When you feel that your going would leave an unfulfillable hole
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how it humbles your soul
Take a bucket and fill it with water
Put your hand in it up to the wrist
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is the measure of how you'll be missed.
The moral in this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can
Be proud of yourself but remember
~by Saxon N. White Kessinger

I promise that I will take a better care of myself, my appearance and I'll do this by first getting my ankle properly assessed and treated (which I know will make “the hubby” happy that finally it will get done but upset as he has been telling me repetitively to get it checked and was ignored. Then again, no one has a hubby like mine, who makes sure the monthly investment we make into our healthcare is being used to the max!)

I like to tell people who seek advice about their job commitment, the next step; I like to tell them, “Always remember that you are expendable and replaceable. When making your decisions, think about you, your needs and what will fulfills you. Because, not only will the company survive after you but if they no longer need you, they will have no qualms about getting rid of you”. Well in a less cynical way, this applies also to our personal lives. So I’m going to live what I preach; enjoy life when doing my very best in my role as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend; understanding that I can’t be and shouldn’t be the “literal everything” for anyone  while psyching myself out of the realization that I’m not the center of the world.... L

To accepting the possibility of being “dispensable” so my present can be rich and fulfilling without the worries of possible tomorrow…


Photograph by Bruce Dale

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