“All the cemeteries in the world are
full of indispensable men”
~Charles de Gaulle
What did I do to get
this little piece of advice? Or should I say what did I not do?
The older we get, the
more responsibilities we take on; and the more we allow people and situations to
rely on us for their everyday function-ability. And we falsely believe that we
have things under control; that no matter what, we are first and foremost … we
are sometimes delusional in thinking that our priorities are in proper order.
And little we know…
During July 4th
weekend, I organized a roller skating “challenge” with my relatives. There was
my side of the family (the Euro/African contingent) and “the hubby's” side of
the family (Detroiiiiiit represent!). Should I even say that from the time I
concocted this “challenge,” I knew our fate…Shoot, no one on my side even knew
how to skate and the “intense” class sessions we took just gave us the mere
ability to perpetrate and talk s*** on the skating rink. The whole while, I
knew darn well we were doomed! J But if there's one thing we're good at, it's
being a good sport and staying competitive!
There wouldn’t be any
purpose of this story without telling the highpoint (or should I say,
"Low-point"); which was me (in all of my glory) being bulldozed on
the rink by little kids, falling hard to the floor and twisting my ankle pretty
badly. And there was my chance for the gold, rushing painfully down the drain!
Let me now elaborate on
how I got my imaginary degree in General Medicine with a concentration in
Radiology… Age… Age simply gave me the wisdom to be able to assess every ache
and pain, and also gave me the wherewithal on how to treat those situations, it
also gave me the opportunities to observe and apply all my “findings". And
then there was luck…(yes luck), that kept me and mine alive!!!!
So here I am, almost 2
months after the “epic fall” in the skating rink, with an ankle that has a mind
of its own; an ankle which after 1 ½ weeks of being kept elevated and in a soft
brace, feels as if I wasted my time. I have an ankle which doesn’t allow me to
contemplate any exercise, which swells at the sight of a high heel shoe, which
at sunrise looks like a size 2 but at sundown looks like a size 14, which has
developed a heartbeat of its own, that the pulse and throbbing keeps me in
discomfort at night…and yet, through all of this, I still don’t see the need to
go see a real doctor!
Why?
Simply because I’m
needed, and simply because I’m indispensable; I’m essential to my surroundings
and I believe nothing will get done the way it needs to be done (which is my
way) if I were to be taken out of the equation… So I believe…
I was catching up with
my "sistergirl" and giving her the rundown of all my physical
troubles and then she asked me, “What are you doing about it?” After giving her
the spiel about why I couldn’t and didn’t do anything about it, I had to admit
(in shame) that I had self-evaluated myself but that I’m realizing that I might
have been wrong.
That’s when the
sermon…the word of wisdom befell on me…
(if anyone generally
speaks in a language different than their first dialect with people that do
speak your first dialect, when you want to make or stress a point you revert, at
that moment –like a punctuation- to speaking your first language).
She said “Rose, ma grandmere me disait toujours
pour me remettre les pendules a l’heure, les cimetieres sont remplis de gens
indispensable…”
Meaning: “Rose my grandmother used to always say, to
get me back on track, cemeteries are full of indispensable people…”
Wow… She went for the
jugular! I suddenly could picture myself 6 feet under, my kids living their
life beautifully and “the hubby” as true to himself, looking ahead and not
behind…and yes, life would go on without me…maybe differently, as to be
indispensable is a twofold perspective. Me with all my being, I’m a disposable
commodity like every single one of us. It's a twofold perspective because even
though the participants and inclusive beings in my everyday life rely on me for
direction and solutions, there is nothing on this earth any one couldn’t
accomplish without me. It might not be the way I would or would like it to be
done BUT it will be done!
The sun will rise and
shine every morning… The earth will continue to rotate… Children will continue
to grow… Organizations will recoup of any disruption… Hurts and pain will
dissipate… Memories will take the backseat with seldom reappearance…
So let’s learn to be
first and foremost in our lives by taking care of “me”, making “me” happy, and
by committing to loving “me” first before anyone else. A little healthy
selfishness goes a long way. We need to realize that the idea of being
indispensable is just that…an idea, that can be crushed as fast as it took for
you to believe it!
When you finally
realize that you are not indispensable, you can live and will be able to leave
this evolving world with a clear conscience and peace of mind; knowing that
your loved ones will be able to live on and continue to blossom without you!
Ode to the Indispensable Man
Sometime, When you're feeling important
Sometime, When your ego's in bloom
Sometime, When you take it for granted
That you're the best qualified in the room Sometime,
When you feel that your going would leave an unfulfillable hole
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how it humbles your soul
Take a bucket and fill it with water
Put your hand in it up to the wrist
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is the measure of how you'll be missed.
The moral in this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can
Be proud of yourself but remember
There's no INDISPENSABLE MAN.
~by Saxon N. White Kessinger
I promise that I will
take a better care of myself, my appearance and I'll do this by first getting
my ankle properly assessed and treated (which I know will make “the hubby”
happy that finally it will get done but upset as he has been telling me
repetitively to get it checked and was ignored. Then again, no one has a hubby
like mine, who makes sure the monthly investment we make into our healthcare is
being used to the max!)
I like to tell people
who seek advice about their job commitment, the next step; I like to tell them,
“Always remember that you are expendable and replaceable. When making your
decisions, think about you, your needs and what will fulfills you. Because, not
only will the company survive after you but if they no longer need you, they
will have no qualms about getting rid of you”. Well in a less cynical way, this
applies also to our personal lives. So I’m going to live what I preach;
enjoy life when doing my very best in my role as a mother, a wife, a daughter,
a sister, and a friend; understanding that I can’t be and shouldn’t be the “literal
everything” for anyone while psyching
myself out of the realization that I’m not the center of the world.... L
To accepting the possibility of being “dispensable”
so my present can be rich and fulfilling without the worries of possible tomorrow…
RosieSandz
Photograph by Bruce Dale
