Friday, August 10, 2012

It is Well With My Soul...


“What I have learned in life is that, what we are today, are not the compromises or sacrifices we made in life. We are the product of passion in priorities we make to enrich our as well as other's life. Indeed, you are only growing and evolving in your life with your tough decisions.” 
~Rachana Shakyawa

Have you ever been in the position of having to make a hard decision? I’m talking about the kind of decision that rips your inside, and that provokes tightness in your chest. It gives you an uncanny desire to just turn around and act like everything is okay, and then bury your head (all the way down the shoulders) in the sand, so that you wouldn’t have to make “the decision”? Did you ever have to make a hard decision that was the right decision?

From having to part with a lover as love is just no longer enough
From having to leave a place of comfort, a place of “known” for the unknown of other opportunities, other possibilities
From having to discipline your child when all you want to do is hug them and wipe their tears
From having kids or not having kids

They say, “Lessons not learned in blood are soon forgotten.” Although a bit extreme, I totally understand the concept; it’s all about proving the point. Once the rule, idea or concept you are trying to get across is deemed “negotiable”, it loses its validity. Hence, you have to stick to your guns when you make a tough decision. If you don’t, the next decision you make will not be taken seriously…
As I sit here, I can think of some “tough love” I had to share with my daughter. One day, my family and I were getting ready to head out to my friends house for the evening, and just before we left, I requested that my daughter do her simple chores, which I find myself repeating time and time again. Of course, she again categorically ignored (or overlooked) my request, so I had no choice but to teach her a lesson. I mean, what am I supposed to do? In general, if you don’t show the people that you’re leading that serious, they won’t take you seriously… It wasn’t really about her not doing what I asked, but it was more about her thinking it was okay to not do it. So anyhow, I was infuriated at the fact that she had not done what I requested, and I decided to hand out a punishment. I told her, “YOU’RE STAYING AT HOME ALONE. YOU’RE NOT COMING WITH US, AND YOU HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL WE GET BACK. YOU ARE NOT TO CALL ANYONE, NOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE, AND NOT TO WATCH TV!” She immediately started crying, pleading with me, and although she was resolved that her punishment couldn’t be reversed, she continued to plead her case. Through her tears, she apologized, hugged me tighter and tighter while asking for my kisses. She must have said goodbye 100 time… I couldn’t count anymore, my heart was breaking. So we walked out the door, headed to the car and pulled off. I was crying the whole time, a silent cry which resonates louder than howling ; I couldn’t believe I took that decision and I had to follow through. “The hubby” was trying to figure out what in the world was going on. He rightfully questioned my plan, pointing out how upset I was and what would happen if something went wrong at the house. Even though this was my idea, I couldn’t believe I had left her by herself, but I couldn’t go back. If I went back, the lesson would not have been learned. It would have all been for nothing. She would never believe me next time I hand out a punishment. So we decided to call my sister-in-law, and ask her to go by the house. She was given specific instructions to not divulge any knowledge of the situation, but to simply act like she was stopping by for a visit. This would work. It would teach her a lesson, and keep me out of jail if something actually happened to her while we were off having fun. Come to think of it, I was having no fun at all. I was so busy crying and worrying about my baby girl, that I might as well had been parked around the corner, monitoring the house. So in the end, everything worked out, my sister-in-law had to beg her to leave the house with her. I had to go through with my decision to leave, even though every part of my being wanted to just bring her to the car and give her a hug. But, I had to leave. The decision was made, albeit a difficult one to make, it had to be seen through to the end. After that day, we never had that problem again. J

When you care, you make hard decisions. When you seek growth, change and improvement, you make hard decisions and sometimes you have to make them for others. The goal is not to generate a feel-good result (that shouldn’t determine your decision making), because most of the time, the decisions that provokes incertitude, turmoil and hesitation are those that make you feel “bad” and guilty even though you are making the right choice…
Committing to making a decision is half of the battle; sticking through your choice regardless of all the negative feelings the decision brings to light will determine your success. This is not necessarily because that was the right decision, but mainly because you followed your gut in what you thought was the right thing to do. If it turns out to be a mistake, you’ll embrace it as a lesson learned (rather than to never have known)…
Mistakes and trials are what shaped you and are still shaping you. They are also the roots of all success; don’t fear them, embrace them as you will never know better without trying…

Not making a decision is deciding to not take a stand, however, a better solution when you are torn is to follow your gut and no act on the whim. A better solution is to not stay stuck in your comfort zone; it is to challenge yourself, give up on your “crutches” that enable you to stagnate and fester in a place of false happiness, of false contentment.
Let go, and face the change you NEED to make, not only for yourself but also for those you hold back by settling and those who believe in you… 

"Decision is the spark that ignites action. Until a decision is made, nothing happens.... Decision is the courageous facing of issues, knowing that if they are not faced, problems will remain forever unanswered."
~Wilfred A. Peterson

Today I had to make a decision to let go of someone dear to me. It was a hard decision. It was a sad decision and although I am unhappy that we (me and the other party) didn’t have any other conceivable recourse as I had ran out of chances to give, reality needed the sink in, and for that person it will come with time and focus. I sit here with 8 years’ worth of memories, with the certainty that I couldn’t have tried 1 more time; that I couldn’t have fixed things 1 more time and in peace because we’ve made a decision… a decision that wasn’t a “forever goodbye” but just “un aurevoir” until better things, into better days.
And that is well with my soul…


Don't ever regret taking time to make a hard decision when it’s the right decision…

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