Sunday, September 2, 2012

The loss of a child…Making sense of the senseless…God’s job...

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
~ Anne Lamott

A little while after I woke up this morning and decided to go through my “news updates” on FB, I saw a post that brought immediate pain to my heart… My friend was announcing the passing of her friend’s baby (barely a month old). Only just the day before (on the same platform), she was commanding strength and perseverance. She finished her status with, “Heart broken and trying not to question God.”

There is nothing more heart-wrenching than the loss of a loved one; while I have experienced that, I also know that the pain of my experience can’t be close to the pain of losing a child…a new-born child. This is the infant you just gave birth to, after 9 months of anticipation, preparation, and visualization of your future as a parent… of his/her future life that will never be.
NOTHING can prepare you for that.
I don’t think that there is anything that will ever console or soothe a wound that deep. 
My sister lost her infant daughter to a “senseless” accident, and although she is a Christian, I know she has never accepted the fate of her baby-girl. To this day, 25 years later, she is still wondering why…

Making sense of the senseless… Some call it God (as I do), some call it destiny (autonomous to God), and some refer to it as Karma. There are also some that simply deem it as part of life. However; you want to define it, believe that there is something bigger out there that helps maintain equilibrium in our world and makes sense of things. “That higher power” will help you move forward, bring clarity to situations and give us a sense of hope and trust.

The practical, sensible and scientific reasons are the ones you will be given right away but will not give you an answer to your WHY(s). Your spiritual guide will give you those answers and with those, you will realize that where they are now is the only place that outdoes being with you…
Do seek for answers from him my friend (you NEED to understand why) and He will give it you… solace will be found in understanding and accepting.
Do not defy Him, as peace of mind will always elude you… Only He can walk us through healing a pain of that magnitude.
But most importantly…only HE can help us see and appreciate the blessing our love ones were, as it is proportional to the pain we are feeling…

For us the friends, the witnesses, whether or not we are spiritual and believe in God, the best thing we can do is to reassure them in believing in the bigger and better thing outside of our control. Pray to God with and for them, to lift them up and embrace them, take care of them and withstand them. Help them find acceptance in what seems unacceptable, but know that it won’t happen overnight. There are some wounds only time can heal...

When you lose a loved one, day by day you wake up and go through the motions, trying to make sense of the senseless; until you get to that place where you accept it. You don’t get over the loss but you get through it day by day.
I remember when I had my first miscarriage someone told me, “Rose, your baby was destined to be too perfect for this world, his soul was to be servant of God and he his home with him to fill his duty”. While I didn’t jump and say “Ohhh fantastic”, it did truly helped me -in time- to know that it was not all in vain…it was not “his” end but “his” beginning…

I quoted this before in a previous blog Let Go"D" and again it stands true in all situations…

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff,
Trust Him fully, as only two things can happen,
Either HE will catch you when you fall,
Or He'll teach you how to fly…

Share with us if you have coping method that worked for you in the past.

 To understanding, accepting and moving forward...
 Photo credits: WeeMeng.Lee

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