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Tynt

Friday, October 12, 2012

Sometimes Enough is Enough...


“I love it when people just take advantage of you;
they just seem to think that they have found the easy way out. They just seem to think that you can just stop and pay their way through life so that they can just relax and coast. But soon they will find out what will happen if they keep on
Not doing what they should do and laying everything on you”
Jerry L Abrahamson

                                            
 I am someone that is very selective of who is part of my circle. I am someone that loves to love. I’m the kind of person that, if I call you friend, sister or “sister-friend,” you know it is based on a profound meaning which usually will bind us for life. I’ll give my love (which I have in abundance), my time (the little I have to spare L) and I will give you 150% of my trust (because, in order to be where you are in relation to me means that I believe you hold me to the same level as I hold you in my life). This - all in all - makes me very possessive and very guarded of my relationships.
But I’m also very well aware of when I can be vulnerable and when I am being taken advantage of… Some people are more subtle than others, while others are just obvious about it; which to me translates as them labeling you as stupid and with no back bone.
Your friend today can turn out to be your worst enemy tomorrow… isn't that a sad statement? However, on many occasions it turns out to be true...
For me there are not many things that can shake a sound friendship. Being mad or upset is a temporary feeling that dissipates and that you can easily get over, but betrayal and disappointment  are 2 feelings that change everything…

I don’t know how to love 50% … how can you?  I don’t know how to be a fair-weather friend. Even though I may not call every day, or I may not reach out as many times as it would be required in the Friendship Etiquette book, I don’t know how to fake… I tolerate but I can’t fake. You will sense that I am mad and you will know in what regard I hold you. You will feel that things are not what they used to be or what they should be because you won’t see the same level of effort or regard coming from me…
Very rarely in my life do I shut people down. I know my biggest self-liability is having extremely high expectations of people that I hold close to my heart. Because I recognize that, I also have the ability to forgive and move on quickly (notice I didn't say forget).
The sentiment behind everything I say or do is always sincere and reflects what’s in my heart and are demonstrated in all my actions…

“The hubby” and I had a fantastic extended weekend (4 days) with family and new friends, filled with laughter’s and joyous moments. That said, at some point I had to pull myself out of the situation because my fun was being taken away from me. Not because of any actions towards me but because of my judgment and opinion of others who were involved in the situation. While I thought I was being diplomatic and inconspicuous (about my frame of mind), feelings of disappointment were taking over and casting a shadow on anything that could be positive. Joe Clifford Faust said, “If you’re honest with yourself as a writer, trying to tell the best story you can, your story will be an honest one. And your values will come out, no matter how hard you try to disguise them.” This quote sounds just as true in our everyday lives (at least in mine). No matter how hard you try to put a bandage on a situation and camouflage your true feelings, they always show.

My cousin’s hubby later that evening said to me, “Rose, I looked at you all day and all I saw was someone trying to be something that they are not.” But I was being me; I was being the person that does (at times) feel like enough is enough. While I do have to accept you, I don’t have to like or entertain your behavior  I felt the part of me kick in, the part that everyone has the right to feel sometimes, which is that you don’t have to like everybody. It may take a lot for me to get this insensitive (which I think that’s why my cousin’s hubby was surprised) but I'm an everyday Jane!

I can’t stand when people feel that it’s okay to abuse others’ kindness. When you see others as a free ride to fulfilling your selfish needs, there’s a problem. And I’m even more stunned and hurt when that behavior comes from people I care about, value and deem to be non-erasable parts of my life.
I have indeed done my share of disappointing others. I have suffered the consequences that my selfish behavior has brought to my life BUT I have learned and never have perpetrated the same mistakes. I definitely would not intentionally try it again because I may have dodged a bullet once and gotten away with it.
My process that leads me to remove myself from that kind of toxic entourage is to step back (why allow myself to be taken advantage of?), self-reflect (did I miss something? Am I too trusting?), and re-evaluate (did I misjudge? Was it blind faith?).
I can’t help the resentment and angry feelings which I can’t contain. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… shame on me and that’s where I am… I let myself get caught off guard repeatedly by someone I misjudged. I did put things in perspective, and when you cannot always remove the negative from your life, you can easily decide to ignore and not entertain it. I try to align myself with people that have the same values and morals as I do (not to say my belief system is “THE” one to have but it is mine that I strongly believe in and behave accordingly). Isn't when they say, “Birds of a feather flock together” so true! Commonality… Kindred spirits…

This is the thing: We all have our limits and although I put myself out there sometimes because I believe in the connection or sometimes on blind faith, once I know the underlying reasons, the true “dishonest” intentions, the core of your real motivations - I can no longer take a chance on letting me and my loved ones be taken advantage of… I can’t simply give, give and give to someone that doesn't appreciate. Because they are cognizant of your effort to help but because they feel like it’s incessantly due to them.
However, one thing that my cousin is right about, I need to let the resentment go so my behavior isn't portrayed as negative. I need to not reverse the roles. After all, you can’t be friends or love everybody; so once you decide and come to terms with how you deal with someone that lets you down and disappoints you…move on!

What about you, how much are you willing to accept and put up with from love ones? Is there a limit to what is forgivable?

To knowing your limit and sticking to them,
 RosieSandz



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