My name is Autumn and
I have been asked to by my wonderful big sister to do a guest Blog. I am a
mother of two wonderful little people - Aniyah (5), and Tahari (11). It was
through my career in the Hotel and Restaurant industry that I initially met
Rose, and we've been close friends ever since. I have worked for several major
corporations in the industry and am currently a waitress for Chili’s, near my
home in sunny
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Can Casual Dating Lead
You down the Road to No Relationship at all?
“I no longer
believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning
to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might
meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or
because you were, but because you’re combined flaws were arranged in a way that
allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
~Lisa Kleypas
~Lisa Kleypas
Next month I will be
turning the ripe (old) age of 35 and I have yet to be married. For some strange
reason this has a lot of my friends worried. Time and time again, I hear that I
am not getting any younger and I need to find a husband. My current dating
status is single. I am dating several
men, none of whom are leading me down a path to a serious relationship,
however; I would say that I am content in my current situation. Hey…. variety
is the spice of life! Does this mean that I don’t want a long term relationship
or a husband? NO. However, due to past relationships, I am not looking as hard
as I used to. The reason being; when it’s meant to be it will be. Yet and
still, my friends feel that since I am casually dating, I will not find “Mr. Right.”
Well I want to know, says who?
Recently I was
listening to the “Michael Baisden Show” and he touched on this subject
too. Funny enough, his opinion was the
same as my girl-friends. Women (and men) who casually date (sexually or not),
are not leaving themselves open to someone for a real relationship. My friends
tell me that sleeping with a man quickly or even sleeping with multiple men will
not land me a husband. Michael Baisden thinks casual dating/sex will not leave
a person (mainly women) emotionally available to be in a long term
relationship. Well, why is it okay for men to do this and not women? Sorry….
but I’m not big on double standards. As for me - personally, I tend to go
against the gender rules when it comes to relationships. I get it; women
are emotional creatures and our feelings tend to lead us, rather than our heads
leading us. Well yes, I get emotional - but I am, by no means, overly emotional
when it comes to men. I enjoy sex just as much as them and that has nothing to
do with my emotions. So what I’m older! So what I may sleep with
a man within the first week of knowing them! Trust me when I tell you, it’s only
for my benefit! So why does that make me damaged goods? I am still capable of
giving that one man (Mr. Right) a loving, respectfully fulfilling relationship.
No one ever says to a man, that he is getting too old or that they shouldn’t
sleep with too many women. So why am I any different? Hell….. I’m in my prime;
sexually or otherwise! I’m a big girl, trust me I can handle it!!!
Here’s the deal. Do I
want a relationship? Yes. Would I like a husband? Sure. However, I am tired of
putting myself out there and giving all of myself and getting nothing in
return. My last serious relationship lasted a year and a half and ironically, he
is one of the men I am dating now. We are still intimate and yes I still love
him. Now the other two men, (yes, I said two) just so happen to be friends…. I
know, I know I’m terrible, but hey! One is more like a booty call (I’ll admit)
and the other himself is not emotionally available to be in more than a casual
dating situation. Yes they are aware of each others’ presence and no they are
not exactly happy but a little competition is good for you. Either way, all
parties involved are protected and are fully aware of the situation.
Like I said, I am more
than willing to enter a committed, long-term relationship but I am not willing
to lose myself to a one sided relationship. Yes, I know that love is a gamble
and you never know when you give your heart to someone if they will give you
theirs in return. So for now, I am leaving my options open to any
possibilities. I personally don’t think that the fact that I am seeing multiple
men is going to keep me from meeting “Mr. Right.” I don’t think that this is
not leaving me emotionally unavailable to anyone who wants to make themselves
emotionally available to me. I will not say, however, that what my friends and
Michael Baisden say are wrong, maybe just wrong for me. At this point in my
life, I may be in my mid-thirties but I am still young and when God is ready to
place that man who is meant, I will be ready. Until then, I plan on enjoying
myself!!! Life is too short to worry about their opinion!!!
“I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can
promise you
is that as long
as we're trying, I'm staying.”
Picture courtesy of themetapicture.com
