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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wednesday Guest Post "Can Casual Dating Lead You Down To The Road To No Relation At All?" By Autumn Garrison-House

Autumn Garrison-House

My name is Autumn and I have been asked to by my wonderful big sister to do a guest Blog. I am a mother of two wonderful little people - Aniyah (5), and Tahari (11). It was through my career in the Hotel and Restaurant industry that I initially met Rose, and we've been close friends ever since. I have worked for several major corporations in the industry and am currently a waitress for Chili’s, near my home in sunny Ormond Beach, Fl.


Can Casual Dating Lead You down the Road to No Relationship at all?

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because you’re combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
~Lisa Kleypas

Next month I will be turning the ripe (old) age of 35 and I have yet to be married. For some strange reason this has a lot of my friends worried. Time and time again, I hear that I am not getting any younger and I need to find a husband. My current dating status is single.  I am dating several men, none of whom are leading me down a path to a serious relationship, however; I would say that I am content in my current situation. Hey…. variety is the spice of life! Does this mean that I don’t want a long term relationship or a husband? NO. However, due to past relationships, I am not looking as hard as I used to. The reason being; when it’s meant to be it will be. Yet and still, my friends feel that since I am casually dating, I will not find “Mr. Right.” Well I want to know, says who?

Recently I was listening to the “Michael Baisden Show” and he touched on this subject too.  Funny enough, his opinion was the same as my girl-friends. Women (and men) who casually date (sexually or not), are not leaving themselves open to someone for a real relationship. My friends tell me that sleeping with a man quickly or even sleeping with multiple men will not land me a husband. Michael Baisden thinks casual dating/sex will not leave a person (mainly women) emotionally available to be in a long term relationship. Well, why is it okay for men to do this and not women? Sorry…. but I’m not big on double standards. As for me - personally, I tend to go against the gender rules when it comes to relationships. I get it; women are emotional creatures and our feelings tend to lead us, rather than our heads leading us. Well yes, I get emotional - but I am, by no means, overly emotional when it comes to men. I enjoy sex just as much as them and that has nothing to do with my emotions. So what I’m older! So what I may sleep with a man within the first week of knowing them! Trust me when I tell you, it’s only for my benefit! So why does that make me damaged goods? I am still capable of giving that one man (Mr. Right) a loving, respectfully fulfilling relationship. No one ever says to a man, that he is getting too old or that they shouldn’t sleep with too many women. So why am I any different? Hell….. I’m in my prime; sexually or otherwise! I’m a big girl, trust me I can handle it!!!

Here’s the deal. Do I want a relationship? Yes. Would I like a husband? Sure. However, I am tired of putting myself out there and giving all of myself and getting nothing in return. My last serious relationship lasted a year and a half and ironically, he is one of the men I am dating now. We are still intimate and yes I still love him. Now the other two men, (yes, I said two) just so happen to be friends…. I know, I know I’m terrible, but hey! One is more like a booty call (I’ll admit) and the other himself is not emotionally available to be in more than a casual dating situation. Yes they are aware of each others’ presence and no they are not exactly happy but a little competition is good for you. Either way, all parties involved are protected and are fully aware of the situation.

Like I said, I am more than willing to enter a committed, long-term relationship but I am not willing to lose myself to a one sided relationship. Yes, I know that love is a gamble and you never know when you give your heart to someone if they will give you theirs in return. So for now, I am leaving my options open to any possibilities. I personally don’t think that the fact that I am seeing multiple men is going to keep me from meeting “Mr. Right.” I don’t think that this is not leaving me emotionally unavailable to anyone who wants to make themselves emotionally available to me. I will not say, however, that what my friends and Michael Baisden say are wrong, maybe just wrong for me. At this point in my life, I may be in my mid-thirties but I am still young and when God is ready to place that man who is meant, I will be ready. Until then, I plan on enjoying myself!!! Life is too short to worry about their opinion!!!

“I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you
is that as long as we're trying, I'm staying.”

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