Sandra Bryan
I enjoy singing, dancing, playing the bass guitar, and
watching movies. I am an avid football, baseball and basketball mom. I am very
active in my church (I sing in the adult choir, play bass for the youth choir,
and I'm the Asst. Youth Director). I also do a lot of voluntary work in the
community.
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Right is right! Wrong is
wrong! No matter how old we are!
“Experience they say is the best
teacher but does it make you above mistakes. How come we respect elders and
their opinions so much even when we know they are humans like us, so they are fallible?”
Take three, four, five and six!
Yes, that’s how many times I’ve put pen to paper (or should I say, fingers to
keyboard!) in an attempt to put out this post. I have followed Rose's blog from
the beginning, and I have been in awe of her capabilities to express her “food
for thought,” and “life lessons.” Many times she has broached topics that I
have questioned myself on. Her insight has left me relieved in knowing that I
am not as crazy as people have made me out to be. When Rose asked me to appear
as a guest writer on her blog, I was very hesitant; not due to a lack of
subjects, but because I wasn't sure if I’d be able to arrange my thoughts and
pen them in a clear and comprehensible manner. As I sit here for the umpteenth
time, I find that my initial fears were founded. Indeed, there are so many
things I want to talk about, that I’m finding it very hard to focus on one
topic without veering off into left field. So, let’s hope that take six is the
one.
Before I go any further, allow
me to introduce myself. My name is Sandra, I grew up in Belgium, but I’m
originally from England. I currently live in a small town in Northeast
Louisiana, about four hours from New Orleans. How did I get here you may ask?
Well, as in most things in life, a man was involved. Indeed, I married my
American crush, and we have three wonderful sons together. Moving to the US was
an adventure in itself. Unlike most of my friends in Belgium, I was not hooked
on all things American; and I most certainly did not aspire to find myself an
American husband and live the American dream. So much for that huh! It didn't take me long to adjust to my new environment and make the South my home.
However, there are some things I will most probably never get used to, and many
questions I will continue to ponder on.
The other day I was listening to
my favorite comedian on the radio. He asked the question; “should older people
be allowed to say whatever they feel just because they are older?” At the time
he had me in stitches with his anecdotes of his grandmother and the things she
would say to people. I’m sure we all have an older person in our family who
does not hold their tongue, and says whatever comes to mind regardless of the
effects of their words. Personally, I have a great-aunt of whom everyone in my
family is afraid, because she terrorizes everybody with her words and actions.
Growing up I couldn't understand why everyone just sat back and took the abuse.
But I guess it stems from the “respect your elders” upbringing that was
prevalent. Now here’s where I have a little trouble. I am from the “respect
your elders” generation, and I agree that children should adhere to this at all
times. Nevertheless, I also believe that this respect should go in both
directions. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines respect as; “the condition
of being esteemed or honored. To consider worthy of high regard.” Respect plays
a very important role in our everyday lives. From an early age, one is taught
the principles of respect in order to function in society. We are expected to
respect our parents, teachers, authority figures, and elders. However, in this
day and age we find this principle dwindling, and many are left wondering why.
Of course, we can enter into a debate about modern day parenting, education,
discipline, etc., but here is my take on it.
As a child, I could not
comprehend my great-aunt’s behavior and the total oblivion being afforded to
her by the adults in her midst. In my mind, I secretly questioned the validity
of the whole respect thing. I understood - well not really - let's say I
grudgingly accepted that as a child I had no say in the matter. But, I could
not for the life of me, conceive that grown ups would let themselves be
insulted and treated with such disregard. When I came of age, I respectfully
called my great-aunt out on her behavior indicating that I would not put up
with her tongue lashings, and be bullied into doing things her way just because
she was older than me. I don’t know if my forthrightness put her in a state of
shock, but from then on I became her “favorite” (until we fell out for good!).
I also inherited the role of spokesperson for other family members.
So, here I am many years later
in my new hometown, surrounded by a diverse age-group of people. I work with
children on a daily basis and I have adopted numerous aunties along the way. I
found a church home and fulfilled my childhood dream of singing in a gospel
choir. Here’s where I start having flashbacks! A lot of the older ladies are
very outspoken, which in itself is not a problem. However, at times their
comments can be very offensive. I've witnessed them sack kids out and chase
potential church members away with their remarks. When I first pointed this
out, I was told: “oh, that’s Ms. So-and-So, that’s how she is. Just ignore her;
she’s old, blah, blah, blah.” Just like with my great-aunt, everyone was
turning a blind eye. Try as I may, I could not let it go. Maybe it is the
“defender of the underdog” quality that I acquired at a young age that would
not allow me to just sit back and ignore certain events. Once again, I found
myself respectfully letting a couple of these ladies know that their behavior
was reprehensible and detrimental to the well-being of our congregation (especially
the younger members).
I said all of the above to say
this. I do not believe that the adult/senior/elder status keeps a person's
“respect path” open indefinitely. On the one hand we are taught to apply the
respect principle at all times. Then on the other hand we are told to treat
others the way we want to be treated. For a lot of people, especially the young
folks, that is where the confusion comes in. I have heard many kids say “why
should Ms. So-and-So get my respect when she talks down to me?” or “why should
I show respect to Mr. Man when he obviously doesn't give two hoots about me?” I
can totally empathize with this reasoning, because I have also asked these
questions at some point in my life. The maturity level of this new generation
is way more advanced than that of my generation. Queries are made at a much
younger age; therefore, the “because I said so” precept gets challenged at
every turn, especially when it is in contradiction with the fundamentals of
respect. How can one hold another in esteem, when it is blatantly obvious that
this honor is not reciprocated?
As adults we have to lead by
example, and not impose our will upon others just because we can. We have to be
willing to satisfy the inquisitive minds of our youth and not condemn them for
asking questions or disagreeing with our thoughts. We must remember that words
have an everlasting impression on a person's being; therefore, we must choose
them wisely. I believe respect is given automatically, but once it is lost, it
has to be earned to be retrieved. Being older than someone does not mean one
cannot lose their respect. It most certainly, does not give one authority to
talk down or verbally abuse one's younger counterpart. I don't believe that
being older, gives a person the right to voice one's opinion wherever, whenever
or in whatever manner. How can we expect to cultivate positivity within the
younger generation, if all we spew is negativity while hiding behind our
seniority? How can we expect our youth to have self-respect, if we do not show
them a minimum of respect? Let us be mindful of our words and actions, so we
don’t become the butt of the next radio host's jokes. Right is right, wrong is
wrong, no matter how old we are!
