Monday, November 12, 2012

Can He Resist Temptation?

I was reading an article the other day and came across this question, “Could any man resist the temptation of evil if he knew his acts could not be witnessed?” Ha! Temptation of evil… Evil can represent so many things but (really) in this instance what the asker was referring to as evil was a woman! Can they resist cheating?

"Life's temptations have the purpose of putting our spiritual integrity to the test. To yield to them, however, gives one a precarious and tormented satisfaction. But the worst temptations are those we give in to without getting anything in return except for the brutal discovery of our weakness."
~Paolo Maurensig

Temptation is such a big umbrella. It can represent all attractions and encompass all kinds of “wickedness,” like food, drinking, sex, money, drugs and heady thrills. This very common word is a part of our lives and is present wherever and whenever we need to make everyday decisions and choices. It shows itself extremely, when we must choose between what we consciously know to be right or wrong. No matter who we are, no one is immune; we are all vulnerable to temptation. We all can and will be tempted. But temptation (or being tempted) by itself is not a sin; it is merely an option presented for us to act upon. It does not become sin until we make the choice to enter into it, accept it or submit to it.

Now let me answer the question that caught my attention. Do I think all men would give in to temptation (and cheat) if there was no witness?
I believe that all men are capable of cheating; they all have it in them. But no, not all men cheat… just most of them! I think that some of them are smart enough to stay out of compromising situations because they know it will be hard to say no! Temptation is a lot easier to resist when you nip it in the bud and avoid any situation that could jeopardize your integrity. I think any human being might cheat if the opportunity presents itself but it all boils down to the substance of your character.

Now, I am a woman and I can’t help but wonder why people always assume that the men are the only ones that cheat. While I can admittedly say that women cheat (not leaving the “sinful” act to men alone), I can also say that men have us beat in that game. Alas, at the end of the day, what matters is not the quantity of your indiscretions; it is committing the indiscretion that matters… period!!! We all have the capacity to be faithful but it's mainly circumstance that determines which way we will act, the majority of the time. Again, all men don’t cheat and all women are not faithful.

I've been brought up observing (not first hand) and growing parallel to a culture that believed that it was/is okay for a man to have several women. I've heard stories and seen women accept, allow, facilitate and make excuses for their man’s extra-marital behaviors and while I don’t agree with them, I’m not shocked. It had been established pretty early on in my life, the conviction that while I don’t believe all men will cheat, it is NOT a behavior or a situation that would surprise me… it would hurt, but not surprise me.
I think the real reason a man will cheat (married or not) is for the sex, curiosity, ego and not having the “kahunas” to say no to temptation; no to the “chance” that has presented itself so conveniently to him. While these reasons are definitely not right, I believe they are the real reasons… I am ready to bet that 90% of the time, the reason one cheats has nothing to do with (or is connected) the relationship they are in and partner they are with. 
The one cheated on shouldn't be left wondering what they did or didn't do to lead their expected committed partner to stray and share someone else’s bed.

In this context of temptation (cheating), we don’t just stumble upon it… Unlike men, for us woman, I believe that you just don’t wake up one morning and decide you want to cheat. While I believe for men, sex is mainly a physical connection, for us woman it is linked to an emotional connection. We long for it, crave it, need it and want it. Women are enticed by or are attracted when we are offered the hope of reward or pleasure.
Do we realize that we are the only creatures on Earth that choose - in most cases - to face one another during sex? That makes us unique as we are blessed enough to be able to look into the eyes of those we choose to share our bodies with, who we choose to be intimate with…

·         A man can have causal sex with another woman without having any feelings for her, while still loving you as much as he always has. For a man, love doesn't always go hand-in-hand with sex.
·         Women usually are more content with their sex lives with their husband or boyfriend, often enjoying the closeness and intimacy as much as the physical act.
·         Men, on the other hand, may become bored or restless with their own sex life because the emotional aspects do not outweigh excitement and arousal. This may lead him looking for a quick fix, something or someone different.
·         Men also have a harder time saying no. If a man is being hit on frequently by an attractive woman, he may eventually give in.
·         A woman on the other hand, usually can block out any other male advances just because she is in a committed relationship.

Because I don’t condone or make allowance for the act of betrayal in an intimate relationship, I have made it a conscience effort for me to learn the why we might get in that situation and the how to avoid it; without having to make excuses to save face.
When we become faced with the knowledge of betrayal and indiscretion, the circumstances around the action will determine the course of your decision (i.e.: forgive and forget, forgive and move forward, or simply not forgive and walk away). But even then, although the options you have are simple enough, so much more comes into making that kind of decision other than eeni-meenie-minie-mo…

Do you recall the last time you were tempted? It was probably not too long ago—maybe hours, maybe just minutes. If you are like most people, the thought rarely crosses your mind that you have been tempted.


1 comment:

  1. This is my take on this, based on my personal experience.
    1. Temptation is everywhere!
    2. Temptation can be healthy but only for the very strong ones. The feeling of being desired will reinforce self esteem however they will know to resist it at all times.
    3. For the less strong ones, which I believe is most of us, how do we resist temptation? Avoid temptation! That simple!!! However, you can only avoid temptation if you have something good going.
    4. How do you keep something good going? Honest communication in your relationship should help avoid situations where temptation is so strong that you can’t resist it. Talking openly to your partner about what is lacking in your relationship, what you wish would change. You need to openly be able to talk to the other one and say how it is. Unfortunately, most couples are not able to do such thing. It’s either one of you who is able to talk and the other one not able to listen or to simply able to handle it; or both of you talk but nobody listens or nobody talks. So you end up not having a clue about what the other one wants and no clue on how to meet each other needs. At that point, the grass starts looking greener in the other side of the fence. You want something more or something else then temptation shows up and the rest will be dictated by your real values, and your strength.
    5. Temptation can’t be resisted to the ones constantly in need of something different, fresh, new, bigger, or smaller…. The kind of people who are never satisfied with what they have because they actually don’t know what they have!


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