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Monday, November 19, 2012

The Truth Hurt and Lies Can Heal…

“So you're always honest," I said.
"Aren't you?"
"No," I told him. "I'm not."
"Well, that's good to know, I guess."
"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I told him. He raised his eyebrows.
"That's not how I meant it, anyways."
"How'd you mean it, then?"
"I just...I don't always say what I feel."
Why not?"
Because the truth sometimes hurts," I said.
"Yeah," he said. "So do lies, though.”

~Sarah Dessen

Yes, to some degree it’s true (the truth hurts), but the distinction must be kept in mind so that you always distinguish the good from the bad lies. Lies do heal at times and can do more good than the truth… sometimes. Absolute truths are difficult, but I always like the road less traveled. When a lie doesn't carry a clever mind, it will never know that regardless of how many things it has out-smarted, it will always be exposed and brought to light…

But in the end, all lies lead to the truth…

Last week someone that I know asked me if and why I didn't like them. In the tone of the question I could sense the pain and confusion. Do you think I should have been honest and just confirm what they were feeling? I don't…and I didn't  Not because I was being cowardly towards my feelings, but simply because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. These are the same feelings that were already weakened by pain I caused; brought on by the perception I gave out. Sometimes you are put into situations where individuals hold you and your opinion to a high standard or are just drawn to you. At the same token, you can be adversely lacking connection (to be proper) even though nothing was engaged towards you that would make you dislike a person. So I lied… and while I thought I was doing well by them, I now realize that in addition to deceiving them I also made them believe that their instinct, gut feeling wasn't accurate. But in all honesty (what an oxymoron) I don’t think I would have done anything different…
But then I start thinking - what if it was me? Would I rather be told the truth and have my feelings hurt or told a lie and my feelings spared? In the end the truth will always show itself. So I know I'd rather take the brutal truth because a lie is a huge waste of my time. I could have been moving on to better things. Truth might hurt but it will also give me the platform to move forward, knowing what I’m dealing with.

Few people can successfully sail through life without receiving a single piece of lie or brutal honesty. Some brutal honesty delivered by a trusted friend or mentor can be the push a person needs to effect a positive change or damaging outcome. On the other hand, people who enjoy being brutally honest simply for the brutality (aspect of it) don’t hold an almighty title; they are usually just self-righteous!

“A truth that's told with bad intent
beats all the lies you can invent.”
~William Blake

Everyone lies… does that make it okay?

I've lied before… I've been caught in my lies (yikes…I’m not that good of a liar actually)… I can’t promise that I will no longer lie… but what I can say is that I've never been proud of resorting to lying (or of my lies). We all at some point try to find the easy way out of things and in doing so, we at times easily lose ourselves in make-up excuses and reasons. But it is my belief that if you can make small little lies you can make the small lies bigger…
Honesty is a trait that we should value as it is essential for a fulfilled life with worthy and healthy relationships; we have to live a non-hypocritical life.
I remember looking into the eyes of family members and friends and knowing that I could trust them with everything I had, just the same as their trust toward me. But life experiences made me learn to pay more attention to what people do and pay less attention to what they say. While words are sound and encompass the expectations you hold towards someone, actions portrayed always show the true colors… A straight-forward nemesis holds a higher place than a friend who lies… remember that!

When all is said and done, when there are no rules about telling the truth or lying (but the ones you set for yourself), it helps to consider some of the things involved. When deciding to tell the truth, remember to ask yourself if what you are about to say is really that important; worth the consequences. Also think about the way you express the truth. Remember, sometimes no matter how nicely you tell the truth, people will not always receive it as such. We can't control how other's react to what we say, but we can control the way we say it. Use your best judgment in your decisions to be truthful, that's the best way to avoid damaging relationships.

How about you, do you find it hard to always be truthful? Do you think that "little lies" are justify in certain occasions? Or the truth should never be compromised, no matter what?

To being mindful of others while staying truthful

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