Monday, December 31, 2012


2013 Here I Come!

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

 The “Rage” that drives me…

The rage that drives me in everything I do is my motivation - my motivation for achieving success, for exceeding goals and challenges, and also for striving for what I consider perfection (a word I despise so much but can’t escape). And in this eve of 2013 - more than ever - I am ready to continue from the momentum I have built in 2012, so that this upcoming year can be the greatest off set for what to follow…
While not all is textbook scripture, you have to know you are going in the right direction to want to keep pushing and going forward; nothing translates motivation better than results (positive or negative results). Results are (for me) what determine my next step… results and motivation are one in the same… a distinction without a difference.
Motivation is a drive that responds to feelings and ignites action. When in retrospect you review all of your actions, you come to learn that they were fueled by your ultimate drive… motivation

So this year I am going to cheer to my momentum! I am going to continue on the road I have started and toss out the habitual “New Year’s Resolution” thing! After all, improvement is an everyday thing not a year-end one! The worthy goals or “resolutions” (i.e.: not the losing weight, not the “making it rich overnight”…) I set for myself in 2012 are the everyday work-in-progress type (for the most part), and can’t truly be achieved in a year’s span… and probably not even in a life span. So every day, until I achieve the better me, I will continue to learn from my past, review it so I can revise and reset my present so my future can meet the standards that I want and need for myself.

So in this new “self-book” we are about to open in 2013, let’s be gentle to ourselves… I will at least lighten up on myself, because the habit of making plans, self-analyzing, self-criticizing and molding my life is now a daily occurrence. For me, at the end of the day – or of my days - I KNOW I was born to be real…not perfect…
2013 is not the start of a new Rose… it is the sequel… the continuation and progression of what was written on the 1st page of 2012…

Happy New Year!

Be you
“You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life.
Every day you make some progress and every day you make a few mistakes. Through it all, your wisdom continues to grow and your experience continues to broaden.
Be gentle with yourself. Accept who you are, where you have been, and what you have to work with, for in this moment you can make positive use of it all.
Reach in and touch the purpose that makes you feel most alive. The world around you is filled with places where that purpose can do great things.
It is never too late to offer your unique and genuine gifts to life. Now is the time to do great things, even in the smallest of ways.
Choose to fully and graciously live life as it comes. The richest rewards by far are the ones to which you most sincerely give of yourself”
-- Ralph Marston

Sunday, December 30, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet
as if they were going to be dead by midnight.  
Extend to them all the care,
kindness, and understanding you can muster,
and do it with no thought of any reward.  
Your life will never be the same again.” 
-Og Mandino

Starting today challenge yourself to be the change you need so you can create and better your environment and…The world.
Live the type of life you'd be living if you were living in the world of your choice and of your making.


Friday, December 28, 2012

Coming Full Circle...2013...

Bismillah al rahman al Rahim: "In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate".
Truly under the governance of God, I've found strength through the path I had set for myself…

“Believe in resolutions, believe in setting yourself up for all the blessings you are due to receive; only you can set that "right foot” forward towards a better you. Life is truly not about finding yourself, but about creating the person you were meant to be.

Let Twenty-Twelve be a year full of blessings, joy, happiness, surprises, experiences, strength and growth. Let's make every single day the best it can be. Regroup every night, mindful of the lessons learned and aware of the missed opportunities. Remember to say "I Love You" every time you get a chance.”

Reading this (again) brings a flood of emotions. Those few lines represent a milestone in my life; the beginning of something that would eventually give me a renewed sense of purpose and vision. It’s hard to think that this year has come and gone so quickly, but it would be remiss of me to not pause and see how far I've come. It’s been a wild ride at times. I've ruffled feathers, I've gained respect, I've brought tears to my and others’ eyes, and I've experienced heartache along with others who told their stories; through comments and guest appearances. I wanted to use this post to not tell a story, or narrate an event – I wanted to simply go back over the birth, nurturing and growing of this blog….

At the onset of 2012, I challenged myself to (finally) bring an undeniable and necessary, balanced focus to my aspirations; to the things I've always wanted to do but never did. Primarily, so that regrets would have no room in my life (or at least just a minimal one).
My main target was to fulfill my dream of writing a book. I had dreamt of bringing my vision to pass several times, but I had no clue about where to start, or even how to go about it. The one thing that was certain was; I knew if this was what I wanted, I needed to work on my writing, and work on relaying my emotions through words. I needed to work on sharing my points of view, my opinions and stories in a way that people would connect with, even if they didn't necessarily relate. I had to learn to be humble, taking criticism and accepting that people might not agree with me… I needed a platform to put in place all of that process… I needed a commitment that would be my testimony of how bad and serious writing a book, my book, was/is to me, and that’s how the “RosieSandz; My Life Lessons” blog was born.

On 01/01/2012, those words above were the end of my first post, in my newly started blog. I had finally learned that nothing comes to pass unless a committed effort is put forth towards achieving any goal (or fulfilling any desires). So I committed… I committed to starting this blog and make it my University of Life. In retrospect, I realized that every year brings its own set of challenges. Every step I took brought a new level of priceless experiences, as well as much needed maturity.  Every step I took towards what I am and towards who I’m building myself to be, uncovers unknown horizons and lessons… My life lessons.

2012 did bring me all that I had wished. It presented me with plenty of blessings, joy, happiness, surprises, experiences, strength, growth and more… It also brought challenges, deceptions, and trials… But whatever I was going through/experiencing or witnessing, it was handled with a different maturity. With an inquisitiveness to know the why and how of everything… And while I wasn't sure of what my blog was going to be about, it became clear very quickly - looking at my past and picturing my future - that I didn't want to miss any moment of significance, especially not because I didn't understand it, or because I just chose to overlook the obvious or the least obvious. So my blog became my journal; my intimate journey to who I strive to be and what I needed to achieve… a journal I wanted and desired to share because of the things I was learning.

Now, 12 months later… 365 days later, 152 posts later (not including an additional 10 by my guest writers), and 262 comments later, I have learned so many things about myself, my world and my life. I have learned that no matter how I look at things, and no matter how strong I stand in my beliefs, there will always be a different point of view to challenge me. I have learned that reaction is a reflex that overrules thinking, if you lack the discipline and control over yourself. I have learned that I am an excessive person when committing to “something” and finding moderation is a constant battle and struggle. I have learned that regardless of knowing my goals, patience is a virtue. Nothing happens overnight. Becoming the person I want to be takes more than knowing, as I’m evolving every day. My circumstances are what they are but I am responsible for who I want to be and how I’ll get there. I have learned about friendships… those you need to hold on to regardless of anything, and those that maybe need to be let go of. I have learned that while I needed to recognize and face my wrongs, I needed to forgive myself and accept them so I could move forward. I have learned to never think I know it all, because every day I am being taught something new. I have learned to trust in me, my instincts, and my gut.  I have learned that age doesn't equate to a maturity level. I have learned that the best lessons generate from the most unpredicted places. I have learned that love starts with me.

I didn't realize the work it truly took in knowing me, and standing for something, until I started this blogging adventure. So when I say “I have learned that no matter how I look at things, no matter how strong I stand in my beliefs there will always be a different point
of view to challenge me”, I have only two choices - either face my challenges or move around them, but I have to do something. I have strengths and weaknesses just like any other person, but I believe that I have gotten stronger in my strengths and have done my best to strengthen my weaknesses in my journey towards my making.

“There is no greater agony than bearing
an untold story inside you.”
~Maya Angelou

2013 is right there… at the tip of my fingers, and I couldn't be more proud of myself for having maintained this commitment; for having nurtured this process, for having shamelessly shared my deeper thoughts, standpoints, and opinions. I am proud that I committed to learning from my life and from the lessons that were laid in front me daily (for my growth). Hopefully, I shared with you all in a way that was humble in its delivery, eye opening in its subjects, and challenging in its information.
While I primarily started this blog for myself as a form of assertiveness, one thing that is very clear for me is that RosieSandz; My Life Lessons would have never been what it is if it hadn’t been for your visits (almost 10000), your shared thoughts with kindness ...your presence ... and your comments ... Your constant following gave me confirmation that what I am doing is good, worthwhile and meaningful. However; it is time for me to focus on why I started this whole thing in the first place…

2013 needs to be about my book - and while I wish I could maintain the pace and quality of my blog the way I did this past year -  I know I wouldn't have the time and strength to juggle all that is in my plate without something suffering in the quality of the material.

I am not ending sharing in My Life Lessons; I am just not making it my priority. And while I truly hope that you will continue following my blog (by clicking on the link and making sure you are a follower, adding me in your Google+ or RSS feeds), or through Facebook as I won’t be as active in my post schedule ( it will be random but me and my guest bloggers will make sure we continue sharing our most interesting lessons or questions) or about promoting the blog. 
So I just want to take a moment to say THANK YOU for everything! Thank you, to the followers who have been reading my blog since I first started it, and to those that have recently started reading my blog. Thank you, to my family and friends who have shown me love and support in this journey that took time away from you… I really do appreciate it. I appreciate all the comments, the emails and messages, so please continue showing your support and letting me know...

01/01/2013 is the day I will start writing my book…


Picture courtesy of

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

My Wish For You (and me) This Christmas…

"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.”
- Anna Cummins

While with all my heart I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday know that this wish encompasses more than the meaning and what’s expected from these words…  

I wish that this life becomes all that we want it to be
I wish that we all realize that all life moments matter as they are short-lived (especially when including those we love the most)
I wish us all success in our lives, in our relationships and the magic formula is persistence…
I wish we all realize our strength (even in a none crisis situation). It is not bestow to selected ones, it is within all of us…

Don’t settle for safe, welcome and feel the real lows of life because it will make the real highs much enjoyable….
Don’t wish anything different than your past (being wiser, done things differently…) because we all know life is full of unexpected and spontaneous life lessons that help build character and helps us grow…
Don’t hurry life; enjoy it by doing your best in it… Have no regrets

What I've lived without knowing, what I didn't know which helped shape who I am now, the life I love at this moment.....and I'm loving every second of it! That is my reality that I wish continuation for myself.

Life is a journey in which we are at the destination in every moment. This realization is my wish for all of us…

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday…


Picture courtesy of

Monday, December 24, 2012

The Best Piece of Advice...

“The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged
against the quality of life they actually lead.”
~Douglas Adams

Over the past few weeks, I have been consumed with my son’s prep school applications/interviews and their imminent due dates. Although there are some similarities, each potential school has different requirements, questionnaires and essays that need to be submitted. I began to look at one of the applications – as I set aside my son’s portion of the work- and one of the essay questions had me thinking… The question was:

What is the most valuable piece of advice you have been given? How has that advice changed the way you see yourself, others, and the world?”

I thought; what a great question … It will be interesting to read and observe what has impacted him (as far as information he has received and applied to his thought process). It would be great for me to see not only what has stuck in his young mind and has governed his behavior, but mainly how he translates it through his young life. And then I started wondering what the best advice I ever received was… Well, I have a few years on him and many pieces of advice to sort through but I think the one that has been the most helpful in my life and never failed me is:

Before entering into any battle, be confident that you will want and accept ALL of the consequences of winning.”

And I modified it a bit to, “…accept all of the consequences of winning or of losing.”
This advice slowed me down a little bit; it helps me think things through, weight the pro’s and con’s… and also highlights the worthiness of how I need to spend my time and energy. Even though no one wins EVERY battle they engage themselves in, no one enters one knowing they are going to lose the fight! This advice helps me to pick and choose my battles carefully. Do I really want the consequences of winning the argument with my spouse? Do I need my point to be known so bad that I would want my spouse to feel like a loser, or for him to think of me as “the enemy?” Do I want to lower my friend's self esteem? Or even better, am I ready to live with the feeling of a loss when I was so sure I knew it all?
I used to find myself in arguments I had no business being involved in but my passion in my believes made me want to defend “the cause”, “the opinion” or “the arguments”, regardless of any consequences…While I didn't ask for the argument, I certainly didn't walk away from it. I used to not take time to figure out “the opponent”, or if even engaging myself in a debate was the wisest thing to do, until I suffered some casualties (words said that didn't need to be said, feelings hurt, and friendships bruised). Then I would wonder why the hell I got into this in the first place… Why didn't I let it go? Why didn't I drop it and why was it so important for me to be right, or “them” to know I was right? And then I learned that when you feel it’s ineffective and pointless to put up a fight, it wouldn't be a cowardly act to drop it and run away from it all. There are battles “worth fighting”, and then there are battles “just wise enough to ignore.” BUT there are also those battles that NEED to be addressed and that means that if you truly feel you must battle with someone, you have to go into it with knowledge and be wise. Know what you are arguing for, without the emotion of anger. If you believe you are right then it is always worth standing up for righteousness but be aware that the opponent will have the strength in his/her belief also, so be open minded.

"Every question asked and every answer given is subject to being a violation depending on who feels like reporting what... and the reasons don't matter."

“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn't measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It's not winning battles that makes you happy, but it's how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones. Let the rest go.”
~C. JoyBell C

Hopefully, we can all learn to choose our battles more wisely.

So what about you? What was the most valuable advice ever given to you? Or what is/was an advice you now regret not following?


Sunday, December 23, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

On my road…
Who I was, who I am and who I will be

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong...because sometime in your life you will have been all of these.”
~George Washington Carver

Today I am all that I was, but I will be only what I make myself be. We can probe our origin probe into what we think will be our ultimate end or our original potentials. We can try to know whether we can increase our potentials but at the end choices become clearer with hindsight as there is no justification in judging.
Where I want to end and how I want to end won’t be unless I examine where I was; in my actions towards others and myself and in the choices I've made is where I will determine my real substance. Along this road call life, from the day I was born to this day is where all me development have taken source. From paths intertwining, I sometimes see myself in others eyes and it is not always pretty. I need to remind myself that what I was, what I am and what others see me as is a reflection of my actions
To ask myself who I am, leads to my asking myself who I wish to be….
And who I wish to be is someone compassionate, sympathetic, tolerant and loving…


Sunday, December 16, 2012


“Little child dry your crying eyes. How can I explain the fear you feel inside 
cause you were born into this evil world where man is killing man and no one knows just why…” ~White Lion

And another wake-up call in the wake of Newtown CT. shooting…

Friday December 14th 2012 will FOREVER stay carved into my soul as on that day I reached a level of upset, hurt, disbelief, sadness, and blankness towards the world we live in and what we, as human being, are capable of doing and allow ourselves to do to one another.

We hear about it every day… Continuous slaying of thousands of our children in DR of Congo and other part of Africa, in Syria, 3 days ago the slashing and killing (by knife) of 22 children in China and 3 days ago also…in our backyard…20 kids gun downed..

My daughter asked us “how someone can build the courage to grab a gun and shoot at children?” The first think we did, was explain to her to never associate the word courage to ANY such actions. There wasn’t anything courageous in that man act. It was a tragedy. And for us (me and the hubby) as parent, there were no words to explain the how and why; there were no possible reasoning to this heart-breaking senseless event we could come up with to explain it and there was definitely no tentative in our part to find a justification… It was one of those situations where we were just at lost for words. We looked at our child and just said “mama, what was done is wrong, unexplainable and we don’t understand it. All we can do is pray for those babies and their families”
We were driving, the hubby asked that we please change subject as he couldn’t stomach talking about it any longer…

How do get to this place where some people find it okay to treat each other like animals? We are so violent, uncaring towards each other. Why don’t we display that Christian behaviour we like to claim we are as a Nation? No wonder we raise young men to murder senselessly.
But it isn’t just guns and the easy access we have to them (although it is a big part of the problem)…it is us and the society we are creating. Where do people get the will to kill? Where there is a will, there is a way…isn’t that a popular saying?

As a nation, as a society, as a community, as a parents, and as a human being we have to take responsibility. We have to start from the bottom tier, which is us moms and dads and look at our parenting. We have to pay a closer look at what we allow our babies to grow up with as far as values and morals. What we allow them to immerge in with the media, internet and video games. We have to remember that we are the educators of our children and NOT all those 3rd parties! We need to monitor our children and stop believing that this cannot happen to us and by this I mean giving birth to an Adam Lanza (as I am sure his mother wouldn't have thought the child she gave birth was going to kill her and massacre 26 innocent) or being the mother of one of those 20 innocent babies. Look for signs, be aware, be hands-on, be present and seek help when you don’t know, when you have doubts… be proactive

“To bear free will implies the right to choose,
Yet one must bear the burdens of each choice.
Some say, “For one to gain, another must lose,”
But helping each other helps ease sacrifice.
The right of arms implies the right to kill,
Yet, who are you, to judge who’ll die or live?
The right to life, so strong, yet so fragile,
Requires you to honor it and forgive.
For every right that you feel you deserve
Implies the need to give that right to others,
For you must see the truth that sages observe –
Our souls eternal bind us all as brothers.
Every right must bear responsibility
For consequences we may not foresee.”
~David M. Johnston

 My thoughts and prays are with the families of those innocents who were violently taken away from them. God help us in finding change within our ways.


Friday, December 14, 2012

And Maybe This Wasn't Meant For Me... Life As Is...

“And I told him, I said: "One day you're going to miss the subway because it's not going to come. One of these days, it's going to break down and it's not going to come around and everyone else will just wait for the next one or will take the bus, or walk, or run to the next station: they will go on with their lives. And you're not going to be able to go on with your life! You'll be standing there, in the subway station, staring at the tube. Why? Because you think that everything has to happen perfectly and on time and when you think it's going to happen! Well guess what! That's not how things happen! And you'll be the only one who's not going to be able to go on with life, just because your subway broke down. So you know what, you've got to let go, you've got to know that things don't happen the way you think they're going to happen, but that's okay, because there's always the bus, there's always the next can always take a cab.”
~ C. JoyBell C.

What is this feeling that is consuming me right now? Am I unsatisfied, ungrateful, or am I just unaware of what I should be focusing on? Could it be that I’m just having another moment of truth in my life? Or maybe it’s the need to periodically assess where I am in life; if all is what it’s meant to be, how it is meant to be, and with who it was meant to be…

So much blessing in my life but I’m always seeking for more
There’s so much growth I still need to do
My journey seems never ending
Everyday I’m seeking for something
Maybe I’m living a borrowed life, with borrowed emotions…  

 Life as is
My life is so clear…but why does it feel so jumbled? There’s not a feeling of sadness but confusion as to why I’m not content… fully content. It’s almost like the person who is in a crowded room, yet can feel so alone. Whenever we haven’t achieved everything we feel we should have (by a certain time), it’s almost as if we feel unbalanced and off center. The part that drives most people insane is not being able to properly articulate what exactly would complete them. 

At times I’m overwhelmed by the love that surrounds me
I don’t know what to do with it and as a result, shy away from it

Do I feel undeserved?… I guess not, or maybe at times…
Do I feel inadequate or ill-equipped to deal with love? Yes I do… at times.
I am an introvert at heart. Not shy, but recluse… a loner who desires more time to be my own but feels ungrateful for wanting it.
I’ve built this life - surrounded with friends and family that I love dearly - but feel overwhelmed by their presence at times…

The paper says I’m married… my life says God knew best (as always).
The papers say I’m a mother… my heart is elated by the ONLY happy struggle of my life; “motherhood”
I wouldn’t be who I am without the “lovers” in my life.
I wouldn’t be where I am without the “lovers” in my life.
But without the expectations of the “lovers” in my life, I wouldn’t be able to tap into that place that would allow me to be selfish.

I seek acceptance for who I am… follow me here when I say seek acceptance; I’m not saying I’m conforming myself so I can be accepted. What I’m saying is, I’m sharing myself (and my thoughts) so you can understand and accept me for who I am.
But I don’t want to become a slave of the need to make you understand who I am and why I am.

Will there ever be an instance of perfect happiness? Of not being in search of other possibilities, or outcomes? A moment where all that it seems, is actually all that it is…
I seriously doubt that. No one can have a moment of enlightenment without a moment of darkness. There must always be a balance in life, and no matter how much we would like to live in a perfect dream world, we’re always seeking for the next level. I’ll be honest though…. I would love to sit back and be a witness to the unfolding of my destiny, as I am afraid to alter what was written for me. But wouldn’t I be letting opportunities sail away? It’s not exactly seizing the day if I sit back and wait for life to happen. No one can control one's own destiny, so why not just put your best foot forward and hope things work out. And if not, find solace that there is always tomorrow. There’s always another day to figure things out and try again. There’s always another opportunity to be better, stronger, wiser.

So what is the root of all these conflicting emotions?

At first, not everything is as it seems. Not everything unfolds exactly the way you thought it would in the beginning. And while your journey takes you to places you didn’t think you would face and experience - and you are realizing that fact - it is challenging to accept, re-adjust and amend what you knew you ought to be…


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Wednesday Guest Post "A YOU Year Resolution" by Garrett Billings

Gare Billings

My name is Gare Billings. I’m from a small town in upstate NY. I write, sing, work and play. I just turned 25 in May and it was my defining year; the one in which I decided to pursue my own happiness. I decided so because of this blog. Rose Sanderson inspired me to do a lot and she is one of my best memories from the 10 months I spent in Boston, trying to find myself. When she approached me to be a guest blogger, I initially was hesitant because she set the bar high. I was nervous about what to write and she told me, “Write whatever you want, Gare!” I’d love to include more in my bio, but hopefully with time everyone can get to know me through my writing. So here’s to my then, my now and my future. I’ll share it with whoever reads. Cheers!
A YOU Year Resolution

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
~Neil Gaiman

So, I admit it. I've never considered myself a "blogger". I've read other peoples blogs and thought to myself, "why didn't I think of that?" I've had ideas, ideas that turn into a chaotic tornado of thoughts and scenarios that I thought I could use for short stories, or dreams that I would like to see turn out in my favor.
Faced with the idea of writing another blog, I kept thinking "what do I write about now?" I wrote before about heartbreak and putting negative feelings involving my heart on hold and trying to better myself in that area of my life. It's still something that I work at every day. To get a better idea of what I should write, I thought about upcoming events, situations I am in now and how day by day, month by month and year by year, I've always wanted to try to grow and be a better person for myself.
So the other day, I was brainstorming. Jotting down different ideas. Love? Wrote it. Life? Light bulb... I got to thinking about the holiday season and how it really is the best time of the year. Friends, family, cheer, parties, and then the near year would be fast approaching.
In the past, I've always wanted to be the person who made a new year’s resolution and actually stuck by it. Year after year, I've done the cliché. Lose ten pounds, pay off my credit card, clean out my closet, donate to more charities, etc. I quickly found myself in a place where I realized one thing. I have had all these ideas in the past and never stuck by them. So, here I am. I'm making it a priority to not just have an idea this year, but to actually chose one resolution and stick by it. But why stop there?

I've decided one thing and one thing only. I am not going to make a new year’s resolution to stick by it; I am going to challenge myself to be the person I'd like to spend time with. Focus on the positive, eliminate the negative. Be optimistic, outgoing, caring. I quickly find myself looking forward to the New Year. But this isn't just a new year’s resolution, this is for me. It's a great time for a fresh start and what a wonderful way to start it out. I'm going to make myself happier. I'm not going to aim to lose ten pounds or spend less time worrying about work or another resolution that I could feel accomplished over in two weeks and consider it complete.

This is going to be a YOU year for me. A year for myself, improving what I dislike and making it last not just a week, a month or the year. This is something that I am challenging myself for the long haul.
In my cyclone of thoughts, I don't want my resolution to be a checklist. Something that I can get done as fast as I can to move onto the next. I want a continuation, a process, and pride that can last longer than a project I can move on from within a certain amount of time.

So what about you? Why not make this year the best of your life and make it last? Fight, love, and face your struggles head on. Be optimistic about every situation, it helps. Do you have a lot of friends? Are you more of a loner? Are you happily in a relationship? Engagement? Marriage? Single? Do you want to be? Change. Change the things you don't like about yourself. It brings happiness. When you love yourself and it shows, you turn yourself into a magnet. You keep the people that you already have close to you and attract those who aren't around you. Be social, be happy, be you. Have a You Year Resolution. Treat yourself. Discipline yourself. Change, evolve and grow. Life is short but it doesn't have to always feel like a burden. Be you. It's the one thing you can do that no one else can. When you look back, the good memories are a lot better to relive than the negative.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

 Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count.
~Albert Einstein

Mexican Fisherman Meets Harvard MBA… What Really Matters in Life?

“A vacationing American businessman standing on the pier of a quaint coastal fishing village in southern Mexico watched as a small boat with just one young Mexican fisherman pulled into the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Enjoying the warmth of the early afternoon sun, the American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.
“How long did it take you to catch them?” the American casually asked.
“Oh, a few hours,” the Mexican fisherman replied.
“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” the American businessman then asked.
The Mexican warmly replied, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”
The businessman then became serious, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
Responding with a smile, the Mexican fisherman answered, “I sleep late, play with my children, watch ballgames, and take siesta with my wife. Sometimes in the evenings I take a stroll into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, sing a few songs…”
The American businessman impatiently interrupted, “Look, I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you to be more profitable. You can start by fishing several hours longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra money, you can buy a bigger boat. With the additional income that larger boat will bring, before long you can buy a second boat, then a third one, and so on, until you have an entire fleet of fishing boats.”
Proud of his own sharp thinking, he excitedly elaborated a grand scheme which could bring even bigger profits, “Then, instead of selling your catch to a middleman you’ll be able to sell your fish directly to the processor, or even open your own cannery. Eventually, you could control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this tiny coastal village and move to Mexico City, or possibly even Los Angeles or New York City, where you could even further expand your enterprise.”
Having never thought of such things, the Mexican fisherman asked, “But how long will all this take?”
After a rapid mental calculation, the Harvard MBA pronounced, “Probably about 15-20 years, maybe less if you work really hard.”
“And then what, señor?” asked the fisherman.
“Why, that’s the best part!” answered the businessman with a laugh. “When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”
“Millions? Really? What would I do with it all?” asked the young fisherman in disbelief.
The businessman boasted, “Then you could happily retire with all the money you’ve made. You could move to a quaint coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, play with your grandchildren, watch ballgames, and take siesta with your wife. You could stroll to the village in the evenings where you could play the guitar and sing with your friends all you want.”

Where is the peace in “more is better”?
~Wayne Dyer

It is too easy to lose sight of what really matters in life: the relationships, goals and passions that really deserve our time and most precious resource of all, energy.
Don’t get caught up with the obvious and focus on instant gratification or grandiose goal …the meaningful is usually in the background building an everlasting
To making sure we are chasing the right  target...

Friday, December 7, 2012

Pro-Life, Pro-Choice or Both... The Aborted Standpoint!

“Now I may be opposed to abortion for religious reasons, to take one example, but if I seek to pass a law banning the practice, I cannot simply point to the teachings of my church or evoke God's will. I have to explain why abortion violates some principle that is accessible to people of all faiths, including those with no faith at all.”
~Barack Obama

 Abortion and its Ethics, Touchy subject…

When you’re a “blogger” who writes about life experiences, life lessons, and you want to speak your truth, there are a few subjects that are very sensitive. In the name of staying objective, it makes me very hesitant to dabble in them; as my point of view or standpoint on the matter could alter, or even vex my audience’s view of me (or trust in me). I have wanted to write about this controversial subject - and where I stand - and have held off for a very long time. Well… I think it is time for me to share my point of view in a non judgmental way… and hopefully it will be received as such J.

There is no question in my mind that abortion is morally and ethically wrong. However; there is also no question in my mind that it takes more than that statement to solve the controversy of the legality of the abortion issue that has been discussed and argued for years and years. I’m absolutely convinced that it will probably continue far into the foreseen future.

What is abortion?
Merriam-Webster definition:
1: the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus: as
         a : spontaneous expulsion of a human fetus during the first 12 weeks of gestation —   compare miscarriage
         b : induced expulsion of a human fetus

This can be done by almost anyone; from the mother herself, in unsafe back alleys, and in accredited clinics set up for that purpose.   

Now there are really 2 main sides to this topic; you’re generally either “Pro-Life” or “Pro-Choice.” Depending on where you stand, there are different solutions to this issue.
Pro-Lifer: They believe that from its conception the fetus has rights. It definitely has the right to live. Contemplating abortion is intending to commit murder. This group of people is generally against abortion and believes you need to deal with the results of your actions.
Pro-Choicer: A woman has the unconditional right to make any and all decisions in regards to her body. Getting pregnant… aborting the fetus… it is her decision.

But is really that cut and dry?  Is it a matter of black and white, with no gray area? What about the victims of rape or incest, who had no choice in their predicament? How about an unhealthy pregnancy which could be detrimental to the mother, or baby?
And here comes the flood-gate that opens up to disclaimers, exceptions, and all those “only ifs” sentences… And who is to determine the parameters of exceptions?

So let me take you through my imagination…

I close my eyes… I imagine my life in turmoil, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m alone. Can I really give this new life what it deserves? I didn't plan this… Am I ready for the changes this will bring to my life? I’m too young, I’m not mature enough (this from the younger me)… I can’t afford this additional responsibility, my life is already full and complete…CIRCUMSTANCES… I close my eyes again and now I picture my little girl, 10 years old (maybe younger for some or maybe holder for others but still our little girls) pregnant… Maybe I failed her somewhere along the road, maybe a mistake on her part, and maybe abused by someone she trusted… ABUSE… I am PRO-CHOICE

Growing up and coming into the age where I fully understood my body (all it entails), my options, the power I had over my person, and my voice; I believed that women had the right to make their own decisions based upon what they deemed best for themselves. I was Pro-choice with no question. My thought was, “Who am I to judge someone else’s choice? Whether it be that they want to keep (and bring to term) a child (when I thought they were less than capable of taking care of another human being), or if they decided to not carry the pregnancy through? No one should ever make any decisions on what happens to my body or anyone else’s. No one - other than me - (unless I’m physically or mentally impaired) should have any input on what I’m capable of enduring, or not.
There is no special “social class” that is more prone to having abortions than another (you would think it would be the poor, as they would have a hard time giving and providing. But how about the rich, and the high society that don’t want people to find out their under aged children are having sex…). The main (but certainly not the only) cause of unwanted pregnancy and resorting to abortion is contraception failure or lack of education. I whole-heartedly believe that there are no instances of women deliberately getting pregnant so that they can then have an abortion (again we are talking about well-balanced women).
Pro-choice doesn't mean PRO-ABORTION, it simply means having the ability to make your own choices and no one should impede… That was my cut and dry.

I again close my eyes and I imagine myself in the know of a new life growing in me; I’m pregnant. My imagination brings me back to the joy of my previous pregnancy, butterfly feelings in my stomach, holding a new born in my arms; the smells… the bliss they brought into my world and all of a sudden I’m excited… I open my eyes and I know…

Then I had miscarriages… I had my beautiful children and my life changed… my opinion changed… nothing was that cut and dry anymore…
I remember wanting a child so bad that it hurt… I remember when I was going through my 2nd miscarriage, I started having the same symptoms I had with my 1st… I had a very bad breakout all over my face (which usually I don’t), my breasts weren't as sensitive as before and I was having mild and steady cramping. I went to the emergency room and told them about my fear (I already knew…). They confirmed my suspicions and told me matter-of-factly what to expect, and what to do. In the same breath, they handed me a specimen cup, so when the embryo/fetus/baby is “rejected” by my body, I should try to retrieve it and bring it to the hospital so they could try to analyze it, in hopes of figuring out the cause of the miscarriage. I remember staring at the woman doctor and thinking, “Is she serious?” Then she proceeded with, “Truly Rose, this early in the pregnancy it is a sign that something was wrong with the fetus and that’s nature’s way of taking care of things…” “Really?!!!” A few days later, after fighting the inevitable, it happened. I cried my heart and gut out looking at the shell of what was supposed to be my baby - in this clear, sterile cup. I realized that even at 2 months old/conceived; that was a life I just lost.
How can I ever be pro-choice when I know the pain of a loss and the joy of a birth? How could I agree to terminate a life when bringing one to life is a privilege that some don’t and will never have? How can I be selfish?

I close my eyes again… I just find out my fetus has Anencephaly (congenital absence of part or all of the brain). I’m faced with knowing that bringing him to term/to life, is also watching him die a few hours, or days after… While he may not feel his pain, I will be able to imagine and live the suffering he will go through, until starvation takes him away.
I've been raped… an intruder… he killed my family… he killed my soul and I’m left carrying a fetus that EVERY moment of my life since, reminds me of what I've lost and the hatred I carry… I am PRO-LIFE… I am PRO-CHOICE… I am Torn…

I can’t imagine the pain and suffering of a woman who had to carry a child for 9 months, getting attached to her unborn child, feeling him move, allowing him to make the change in her body and in her heart - knowing that he was doomed, and knowing that there will never be a future. I can’t imagine the suffering of a woman raped or even worse, a little girl who we expect to carry the reminder of her nightmare for the 9 longest month of her life, the shame they will have to go through to live up the stares, the remarks… the shame. Do we make an eternal judgement on a life that isn't fulfilled yet, or do we punish the one that can bring it to pass by adding the trauma of childbirth?

So this is my stand…

In my book, there is no way this whole situation can be viewed as black and white.  I am a Pro-Lifer who believes that there are circumstances that grant way to abortion, however; I don’t believe we as a society have the right to set perimeters on what another person has to or is capable of, or should endure. Who am I to tell someone what to do with their own body? I do feel strongly that it is wrong to obligate someone to carry through an unwanted pregnancy, giving birth to a child they don’t want (or can’t take care of) with the solution of giving it up for adoption… Tell me how many children are there in the world right now waiting in an orphanage for “those parents” dying to adopt a child? What is the guarantee of those babies getting into a home where they won’t be abused, molested, starved to death or simply killed? There are so many… many children in this world who are suffering because they weren't wanted and who truly would have been better off not in this world… I read somewhere, “Abortion isn't murdering an unwanted child, it is preventing the birth of an unwanted child”… While I think this is the biggest copout of it all, it does certainly cover for those 5% of women who have been raped and can’t morally carry it through…

Abortions are  facts of life, and they are going to happen! I think we all need to realize it and trust in our women – not the men, as I strongly believe that even though they are part of the procreation, they should not have the last word on what a woman needs to do with her body. Interestingly enough, I read an article that quoted that there were more men pro-choice than women and there is also this wonderful quote that says:  “If men could get pregnant, abortion would be legal, ethical, and federally funded.”  - to best use our values, our ethics and to apply them to best serve our lives and quality of it.
I don’t think it’s a mischievous act, as long as it’s done for the right reasons and not the wrong reasons (i.e. an “easy” method of contraception)
Abortion, I believe, is one of those actions that hopefully you’ll learn from and gain maturity from but it is also one of those actions that can’t ever be reversed or forgotten. You will always wonder “What if,” no matter how good or bad your circumstances were…

Ethics refers to "moral philosophy", or the study of values and the analysis of right and wrong.

What about you? What is your stand? What "Pro-" are you?

To a personal stand that speak loudly about your values, morals... your ethics...

Monday, December 3, 2012

The Road To Hell is Paved With Good Intentions...

 "Hell is full of good meanings,but heaven is full of good works"

Call me naive if you wish, but I believe that we were all created with a heart filled with gold, and a mind filled with love. I also believe that most of our actions stem from our best intentions. I mean, who would wake up in the morning and plot on how many people they’ll hurt that day? Or, who thinks of how many lives they can destroy with their actions; or simply with words… But it happens… It happens every day when we become about ourselves. It takes place when self-less people become selfish, and when the consideration of others is taken from our priorities. This happens when caring becomes self-fulfillment, rather than an outpouring of goodwill towards others. We lose sight. We chose to overlook the simple rules of “cause and effect,” which explains that the results of our actions can be hurtful or offensive to others. Although the most obvious, malicious intend is not the only guaranty of targeting someone and wanting to cause them harm, disregards of one’s person will also be a good indication that wrongdoing is to be expected..

Intent Isn't an Excuse…

“That was not my intent.” How many times have we all heard and said that? “That’s not what I meant to say/do.” The problem is, all too often it translates into, “Your reactions to what I did are invalid because I didn't mean any harm.” And all too often we expect the recipient to just drop it and accept those 5 little words put together as an excuse; as the eraser for the offense… and they are supposed to move on.
You hear people say, "Well, I meant to do it, my intentions were good ... I wanted to but this came up and that came up and I ended up doing nothing." So, what were your true intentions? What did you mean to say, accomplish or solve? Why is it that now you are not seeking for what was the intended goal and are content with, “oh well I've tried…”
Good intentions without genuine actions won't do any good. You might intend on doing something for someone but if you don't follow through, your intention didn't matter. If you don’t put your best foot forward, no good will come out of it.

The most undeserving of all types of people are the Selfish people... and remember that selfishness takes many different forms, but they are all typified by those who think of themselves before all others... While you can pretend to care and have good intentions toward others, the commitment to “said” actions will unveil your true colors and at the end of the day, you will be only fooling yourself by hurting others. Your reward will be eternal loneliness and isolation from the rest of circle. Selfishness gives them exactly what they seemed to have wanted; isolation.

So then there goes the saying ... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

“What man ain't the honestest cove in his own eyes?
" Grote's round face is a bronze moon in the dark. "
It ain't good intentions what paves the road to hell: it's self-justifyin's.”
~David Mitchell

We like to hide our offenses behind “good intentions” and think that this gives us absolution. Finding justification for all of our wrongdoings doesn't clean the slate; it just covers up the offense. Keeping up with this kind of attitude is how we end up creating our own hell. As I said earlier, I truly believe in that “heart of gold” we were all given when we entered this world, there yet lies the potential for evil. With age, experience, and life’s journey, we shape and change (for the good and sometimes for the bad) that inborn gift given to us.

Ultimately, a strong sense of right or wrong and acting genuinely on all of your good intentions will make your life worthwhile. Selfishness and self-absorption will be your definitive one way ticket to personal hell…
While we all are capable of sporting a convincing poker face, and profess (loud and clear) our good intentions when we know the lack there of - for most of us - guilt will find a way to creep in. Guilt will be felt even if (and actually especially) when only you know of your fault. Any wrongdoing done consciously or in ignorance rides on our shoulders, however; only a conscientious person can feel the pangs of guilt. Guilty conscience is the MOST hurtful experience one can have. It is the most direct attack on our ego, and also the most potent because it is self-generated.

“Let your intentions be good - embodied in good thoughts, cheerful words, and unselfish deeds - and the world will be to you a bright and happy place in which to work and play and serve”
~Grenville Kleiser


Image Courtesy of Anca Lulia for Flickr

Sunday, December 2, 2012

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

“I sometimes react to making a mistake as if I have betrayed myself. My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect and that if I can just be very careful I will not fall from heaven. But a 'mistake' is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend, a reminder I am not dealing with the facts. When I have listened to my mistakes I have grown.”
~Hugh Prather

Just an experience…

May 30, 1997 Oprah was invited by Wellesley College (an all-woman college in Massachusetts) to do the Commencement Address (take time to read it). While the whole speech/message was/is amazing, full of lessons she learned thru the course of her life and which we can all relate to; there is 1 lesson that stuck with me. It is the one thing that if we don’t accept for ourselves we will never see beyond the ‘moment’, we will let ‘it’ consume and define us… ‘It’ is truly something for us to learn from and move on by opening the next other door…
She said to all those young graduates: “Turn your wounds into wisdom. You will be wounded many times in your life. You'll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction." It's just an experience, just an experience.”

To the lessons in our mistakes...

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