“The quality of
any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged
against the
quality of life they actually lead.”
~Douglas Adams
~Douglas Adams
Over the past few weeks, I have been
consumed with my son’s prep school applications/interviews and their imminent
due dates. Although there are some similarities, each potential school has
different requirements, questionnaires and essays that need to be submitted. I
began to look at one of the applications – as I set aside my son’s portion of
the work- and one of the essay questions had me thinking… The question was:
“What
is the most valuable piece of advice you have been given? How has that advice
changed the way you see yourself, others, and the world?”
I thought; what a great
question … It will be interesting to read and observe what has impacted him (as
far as information he has received and applied to his thought process). It
would be great for me to see not only what has stuck in his young mind and has governed
his behavior, but mainly how he translates it through his young life. And then
I started wondering what the best advice I
ever received was… Well, I have a few years on him and many pieces of
advice to sort through but I think the one that has been the most helpful in my
life and never failed me is:
“Before entering into
any battle, be confident that you will want and accept ALL of the consequences of winning.”
And I modified it a bit to, “…accept all of the consequences of winning
or of losing.”
This advice slowed me down a little bit; it helps me think things through, weight the pro’s and con’s… and also highlights the worthiness of how I need to spend my time and energy. Even though no one wins EVERY battle they engage themselves in, no one enters one knowing they are going to lose the fight! This advice helps me to pick and choose my battles carefully. Do I really want the consequences of winning the argument with my spouse? Do I need my point to be known so bad that I would want my spouse to feel like a loser, or for him to think of me as “the enemy?” Do I want to lower my friend's self esteem? Or even better, am I ready to live with the feeling of a loss when I was so sure I knew it all?
This advice slowed me down a little bit; it helps me think things through, weight the pro’s and con’s… and also highlights the worthiness of how I need to spend my time and energy. Even though no one wins EVERY battle they engage themselves in, no one enters one knowing they are going to lose the fight! This advice helps me to pick and choose my battles carefully. Do I really want the consequences of winning the argument with my spouse? Do I need my point to be known so bad that I would want my spouse to feel like a loser, or for him to think of me as “the enemy?” Do I want to lower my friend's self esteem? Or even better, am I ready to live with the feeling of a loss when I was so sure I knew it all?
I used to find myself in arguments I had no
business being involved in but my passion in my believes made me want to defend
“the cause”, “the opinion” or “the arguments”, regardless of any
consequences…While I didn't ask for the argument, I certainly didn't walk away
from it. I used to not take time to figure out “the opponent”, or if even
engaging myself in a debate was the wisest thing to do, until I suffered some
casualties (words said that didn't need to be said, feelings hurt, and friendships
bruised). Then I would wonder why
the hell I got into this in the first place… Why didn't I let it go? Why didn't I drop it and why was it so important for me to be right, or “them” to know I
was right? And then I learned that when you feel it’s ineffective and pointless
to put up a fight, it wouldn't be a cowardly act to drop it and run away from
it all. There are battles “worth fighting”, and then there are battles “just
wise enough to ignore.” BUT there are also those
battles that NEED to be addressed and that means that if you truly feel you
must battle with someone, you have to go into it with knowledge and be wise. Know
what you are arguing for, without the emotion of anger. If you believe you are
right then it is always worth standing up for righteousness but be aware that
the opponent will have the strength in his/her belief also, so be open minded.
"Every question asked and every answer
given is subject to being a violation depending on who feels like reporting
what... and the reasons don't matter."
“Choose your
battles wisely. After all, life isn't measured by how many times you stood up
to fight. It's not winning battles that makes you happy, but it's how many
times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too
short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones.
Let the rest go.”
~C. JoyBell C
~C. JoyBell C
Hopefully, we can all
learn to choose our battles more wisely.
So what about you? What was the most valuable
advice ever given to you? Or what is/was an advice you now regret not
following?
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