Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wednesday Guest Post "Relationship between mother and daughter: where to draw the line between friendship, family structure and authority?" by Djino The Real McCoy

I have seen many instances in our permissive and allowing society in which mothers try to be friends with their daughters to gain their trust or acceptance. On the other side, I have also witnessed mothers being very adamant about not crossing that line and staying firm as far as putting forth their authority.

As a man and a father, I do have my opinion on this but the premise of this open discussion is to understand the rationale of either side from the maternal/mother perspective when it comes to this topic. We all have our tenets, principles and belief systems when it comes to parenthood.

Should the family culture prevail over the upbringing of the daughter? Should a mother show authority at all times over gaining acceptance or trust from her daughter? Which factors/rules/values need to be considered over others?        

As a man, I have observed umpteenth times that a relationship between a mother and a daughter is very symbiotic. In a symbiosis, you can have two different “elements” having living arrangements. What I mean by that is that the mother is everything to the daughter and vice versa but that does not prevent them having their own place/role.

From my humble opinion, I do think that a mother has to have a distinct, clear role and function known by her daughter. A mother needs to show that she is not a friend nor a “girlfriend”. There is an old saying that “familiarity breeds contempt” and I do think that our children need to be reminded of that oftentimes especially nowadays more than ever. I am in no way, shape or form attempting to say that a mother is to emotionally or physically distance/detach herself completely for the sake of making sure that there is an understanding of stature/role.

Most of the mothers whom I came across with are quite clear about this: they tell me that the limits are. They state that their daughters are not their confidantes and they still remain children to their eyes. But I beg to differ that the distinction is that clear cut.

Mothers nowadays do want to be able to talk about everything from intimate matters related to their daughter’s sexuality to very “light” subjects of all sorts. They want their daughters to view them as more than the mother figure.

So in a nutshell, should a mother/daughter relationship be based upon mutual respect, friendship and trust for each other or upon a set of solid expectations that each of them has to simply fulfill? Which one is essential for a good relationship/upbringing?

Ladies, what is your take on this?


Djino is a passionate loving young man happily married but who went through some very difficult times. He once did not believe in loving anymore after a terrible separation from a woman whom he believed to be the love of his life. Little did he know that those trials and tribulations would make him a better man and a better husband to his wife...Love was the farthest thing of his mind until he gave it another try...Now he is back at it again with an exponential outpouring of love stemmed from hurt...may sound like an oxymoron but out of hurt sometimes come the best things in life...Now, Djino has found and rediscovered himself...Love is a beautiful thing...

1 comment:

  1. Going through adolescence is mainly individuation and separation from adults. That means that the child is going to have his own business, beliefs and rules that he’s not going to want to share with adults. You need to know that it’s not a violation of the parent-child relationship for that child to develop his own set of friends and his own values. Those friends and values may not be healthy from a parent’s point of view or an objective observer’s point of view. But it’s the child’s job to work through that.


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