“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.”
~Thomas A. Edison
I was once told, “You always seem to have your s*it together, no matter what. You are
always so positive and confident that everything will be alright. I wish I could
have your assurance in life…” I smiled and said, “Would you really want to witness my worries? Do you want to be a constant
spectator of my fears? Do you really want to be the perpetual shoulder I cry on,
or the ear I complain to constantly? No you wouldn’t…”
So I’m thinking, what good can possibly
come from stressing and/or worrying? At least not all the time…. We all
stress-out about bills and the debts we have accumulated, and we all worry about
our relationships (or lack thereof). We worry, we have fears and doubts. We are
jealous, anxious and we get frustrated… Should we carry all those feelings around
like a coat for all to see? Should we be comfortable laying in negativity and
all of us drown in the same pool of despair? No we shouldn’t…
“You
are my friend and I know you have (and will have) my back in my time of need.
However, I also know that just as much I have my own qualms, doubts and failures
to worry about, you have your own. But believe me, when I am in a place where I
can’t deal, fix and sort things out on my own… you will be behind that door I
will knock on!”
I am about to knock on that door… the
pressure is finally catching up to me… I’m
scared that time is flying by faster than my willpower to disable the negative
hold my circumstance has on my pictured tomorrow…
I need to regroup. I need to realize - with
real eyes - the realities that surround me. I must be absolutely grateful and
not in constant wistfulness of the “what ifs”, and “what more”…
“Do not spoil
what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now
have was once among the things you only hoped for”
~Epicurus
I wish that, while I regroup and let this
quote by Epicurus bring me back to appreciating what I’ve achieved thus far, I would
automatically see the hidden (but true) meaning of the quote. I wish I would
ALWAYS see the sense of progress, the sense of uninterrupted evolvement this
quote should enlighten through my life. I’d like to always see that while I
should be content and happy with where I am right
now, it is okay to feel that I may not be “there” yet. All that should matter
is whether or not I’m moving forward, towards wherever “there” happens to be.
Long ago, possibly a lifetime, or even many
lifetimes ago, I was a little girl who dreamt big dreams. These were dreams
that once I shared them I was told, “You can achieve anything you set your mind
to.” I wish I had known that there was no hurry to become a “real” adult. There was no need to fall victim to the “rat race”, making “that money”
and being “successful” much to the detriment of everything else. I feel like I
have been doing what is expected of me, while not paying attention to what I
truly wanted to do. I have been progressing in life but stepping away from my
passion… from my big dreams…
I work harder and
harder to earn more money to pay bills, the mortgage, sort out the kids’ needs,
and afford nice vacations. And when I finally do stop, I realize that I am
still not at a point where I can get out of “the race.” No matter how many
things I have and accumulate, it is still not good enough. All the while, the
days, weeks and years go by so quickly that the dreams I had as a little girl
seem to be out of reach… and it is that feeling of being unsatisfied with where
I am, and what I have, that puts that un-needed pressure upon my shoulders. It’s
the horrible feeling of always wanting more, while not appreciating my
accomplishments. I wish I would truly grasp and live by
the knowledge that the journey, not the destination, is the real achievement.
“Everybody gets
everything they really want” depending
on how bad you want it and how long you’ll persevere…
I let circumstances and environments
dictate my life, dictate my ups and downs. I let the outside world run my life,
instead of listening to the good I have done so far. I let my unaccomplished
dreams strip the joy from my previous successes. I am spending most of my life focusing on what I don’t want and wishing
for all that I don’t have. I sometimes live in misery for all that I am missing
in my life, forgetting about all the things I already have. Everything else
moves on, everyone else enjoys the accomplishments as I sit and watch things go
by, complaining. But isn’t the one thing I have desired most of all in my life,
happiness? For the longest time I have told myself and others what I really
want in life is to just be happy… Here I sit, and instead of realizing I have
always had it, I find justification in the pity party I am throwing for myself.
Isn’t that the way things always work? We always remember the past victories as more important (and
victorious) than they were, and we always see the present as worse (and more difficult) than it is. Many of us are
guilty of this. Why couldn’t I just understand that even though I’m not where I
absolutely want to be, I’m blessed to be where I am…..
Well, thankfully that
all changed…
Happiness to me means
love, friendship, laughter, inspiring myself, growth and setting challenges for
myself to become better. And now that I am focusing on all that I have, instead
of all that I don’t have or have missed out on, I see how wealthy I truly am in
life. Things I have hoped for, I have; plus some. And for those things I have
yet to gain… time is on my side. And even though I had not noticed it before,
it continues to multiply daily.
Experience is the best teacher. Everything
I have gone through has helped shape the person that I am today, and for that I
am grateful. I have learned that I have the capacity for greater potential than
I myself realize at times. But the greatest thing that I have learned is to strive
for more. You can achieve more than you thought possible and in some way along
your journey there are things you will achieve that are greater and bigger than
the dreams you have not achieved yet. But instead of always looking back I need
to realize that I, along with my dreams, am evolving. I have to realize that I am
every bit capable and deserving of achieving great things and experiencing all
the love, achievement and excitement this world has to offer.
What fulfilled hope
will you acknowledge today?
RosieSandz
