“There is a
fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to
your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source,
you will truly have defeated age.”
~Sophia Loren
~Sophia Loren
A few days ago, I had a great conversation
with one of my good girlfriends. We were talking about marriage; speaking about
our respective partners in “that” journey… Yes, a journey with unbelievable
highs and dangerous lows, but a journey which we (obviously) treasure, as we
are still in it. Anyhow, in the midst of the conversation I said, “You know what, as for this thing called
marriage, you will NEVER catch me at it twice! I am giving it all that I can (and
have inside to) give, and right now is the single opportunity I have to make it
everlasting… There’ll be no second chances; no second try. If - God forbid -
this wouldn’t work… I’m good… I’m all set!” Then I said, “I’m not sure that if someone were to come
and ask me my opinion on whether or not they should get married, that my answer
would be a positive one…”
But isn’t that so selfish of me? I mean, I
do feel as though keeping happy and
staying in an healthy marriage is the
hardest thing ever (compromising, dealing with different personalities, the
woman’s PMS-ing, and not to mention all the things you give up… willinglyJ). I love the hubby, I
love being married to him and I love the security of knowing that I have
someone to grow old with. But sometimes there is a but…
Growing old with someone; isn’t it one of
our main desires? Having someone to share all of our aches and joys with, having
someone to just listen and sit next to. When you hit the low points in your
relationships (which will inevitably come) and you’re at a point where you
wonder if you can still do it… if you still have the energy to fight for the
love that was once vibrant and bursting at the seams, but now seems to be slipping
away, you have to then re-evaluate your thought process! That’s when you think,
why leave? After all we’ve been through… after
all we’ve built… No, I will stay and enjoy the fruits I’ve seeded… Why should I
start over?
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
~Ellen DeGeneres
~Ellen DeGeneres
That same evening (after the conversation I
mentioned earlier), we were amongst family and friends at my cousin’s house and
amongst us were three of my aunties. They are mothers, grandmothers and all
three are at a different stages in their life, although roughly the same age.
(For the sake of their privacy I will
change their namesJ)
Aunty Isabelle is a widow. She’s an independent
woman who gets to travel, and enjoy her kids and grand-kids. There’s Aunty
Marthe, who has been married for more than forty years and also enjoys her kids
and grandkids. Then you have Aunty Nicole, who is divorced and decided a few
years ago to completely change her life.
The aunties were sitting, having their
dinner (with glasses of wine in hand), and we - the second generation - decided
to sit and listen to Aunty Nicole, who was giving the ladies some straight
talk. She really opened up and explained that after a hard, long overdue
divorce from a man whom she had given all she had to give, all while losing
herself in the process, she finally decided to give another go at life. In her
sixties, she decided to move to another country, first with her daughter, then
by herself, in this community catered to elderly independent people. Now, ten
years down the road, I do see in front of my eyes a different aunty than the
one I once knew…
“Francine”, aunty Nicole’s daughter,
started to tell us stories of when her mom first moved on her own in the
community and how it had changed the dynamic of their relationship. Francine
had become the “mother” pushing her “daughter” to go make friends, to meet
people, and get involved. She had become the one giving advice on what to do,
what to say and how to act on a date…We laughed so hard that evening, listening
to aunty Nicole tell us stories of her dating escapades and how at her age, she
had no filter. She was telling the men she was dating she loved them after the
first coffee date, as she felt they knew what was in her in her mind… however,
ultimately scaring them off with her candidness… Francine had us all laughing
hysterically at her mom’s story of dating a ninety year old man with a
pacemaker, whom she sent to the hospital “as they gave a try at intimacy”… his
heart couldn’t take it… While we were laughing and enjoying her tales, she
seriously told Marthe and Isabelle to come over and visit her so she could show
them a good time.
That night while we were laughing so hard
at my aunt’s love antics, I learned a lot…
Sitting at the table, I was looking at
these three beautiful ladies who have truly so much in common, as far as where
they are from, the life/culture they married into and the sacrifice those
marriages entail. As I said earlier, one is a widow, one is still married and
one is dating and they have shown me some of the many possibilities life can
bring.
I understand now, that I should never say never… Maybe my story will be like aunty
Isabelle’s, one of contentment after my life partner has been taken away from
me. Maybe it will be like aunty Marthe’s, where I would find no reason to
change what I’ve always known and that is if
I needed to consider changing it all. Or, maybe I could be like aunty
Nicole, ready to take life by the horns and go for new experiences… What I have
learned is to not settle. Whatever decisions you make, make them because you
are comfortable with them, make them because it is what your mind, body and
soul tell you to do; knowing that it aint’t over until God says its over. Tomorrow
is no guaranteed but if it does come, you better be ready to make the best of
it!
So if someone were to come and ask me my
opinion on whether or not they should get married, I would tell them, “If you asked the question, then that means
you want to. There is no surety in matters of the heart, so take a chance, live
it up, and if it is meant to be everlasting, it will be. If it wasn’t … there
is always a next time…”
Don’t make promises or set boundaries today
on a future you are clueless of. In doing so, you are limiting your tomorrow
and sealing off priceless possibilities…
“The End” of your story, to share with your
kids, grandkids, and even the world, is not to be heard when you think it is
over or when you think you have received and accomplished all that you deserve…
Let the unpredictable be. Be random and enjoy what you may think is beyond your
time and watch the abundance of new memories you create…
RosieSandz
