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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Life Sucks! At Least Today...

“Only a teaspoon of self-pity, girl. Every day give yourself a teaspoonful, but only a teaspoonful. Fill it up full, but only once! Don’t let yourself have more. You can’t live off it. But just a bit of it is like a tonic.”
― Breena Clarke

This may come as a shocker to some, but nobody’s life is perfect. I’ve written countless blogs where you (the reader) might be disillusioned into thinking that I always have it all together, or that everything always has a “Brady-Bunch-like,” fairy-tale ending. That’s very far from the truth. You might not really care to know about all my struggles and imperfections, but they do exist. I’m pretty sure that you’d rather read the positive message I try to express daily, and the stories that uplift and inspire. But you know what, even though you could care less about my daily plights, and since maybe you’re just about tired of reading my perfect outcomes to all situations and the positive “life lessons” I conclude from challenging situations, today I have a detour. You know what? Today I feel like sharing, I feel like complaining, I feel like wearing my negativity… Consider yourself warned!

Some mornings, I wake up tired of the life I’m living.
Some day(s), I can’t stand my reflection of in the mirror.
Some day(s), I cry about the mistakes I made that can’t be erased.
Some day(s), I wish the day didn’t have to start.
Some day(s), I want to kick a door, a tree, myself.
Some day(s), I want to pull my hair and scream at the top of my lungs.
Some day(s), I want to drink myself to oblivion.
Some day(s), I want to be able to call Oprah and tell her f***k off with all of her “aha moments.”
And some day(s), I feel like it’s not Jesus that I need but rather a psychiatrist…

If you examine something long enough, you can eventually find some good; even if it is absolutely horrible. That’s the premise of “My Life Lessons,” looking beyond what appears to be a bad situation and finding a truth/realization that will help me later. So when I have a bad day, it is because I made a conscious decision to. I allow myself to be victimized. I made the choice to allow something real (or not real) to bother me, to the point that it affects all that is in and around me.

Just because I had an epiphany about what’s important in life, it doesn’t make me invincible. Just because I embody four decades of wisdom and experience, allowing me to weed out the frivolous from the sensible, it doesn’t make me superwoman. Or, just because I am a wife, a mother, and I run a family, it doesn’t mean my life is filled with doves, plush pristine, white rabbits and unicorns that fart rainbows!!!! Far from it… I have emotions. I want my bad days. I need self-deprecation; I need to let my guard down and just let it be. Sometimes I do react to what you do, you say or don’t do or don’t say to me and sometimes I can’t manage my life and I don’t want to pretend…

Today is one of those days…

Either way, I don't think anyone needs permission to have a bad day or a bad moment and it is not a quantifiable thing to decide how many bad days you can take or have. Its not like sick days at the office, these are your emotions we're talking about. I need to be able - once in a while - to scream that “life sucks, I’m tired of cooking, I hate doing my kids homework, and I’ve had enough of being considerate.”

Some people call me a fake because I’m always positive, well there you go… how’s that for positive? But then what does it bring to you, hearing me bitch and whine?  Who wants to be around for this shit? Shoot… I don’t really want to be around myself…

“Learn to respect all kind of people because everyone is fighting a battle on their own. We all have our problems, bad sides and bad days. But there is so much more behind it. Behind me, behind you, behind everyone”.

Here is my point. No one truly wears who they are on their sleeve. No one always expresses their emotions or what they go through on a daily. Sometimes life is beautiful and sometimes it sucks. While everything seems great and perfect, it is not always so and while you don’t have to share your troubles, sometimes it is healthy to do so. If everything in life was only great then things would be boring… after all, doesn't a long rainy day make a sunny day all the nicer?

How about you? Do you at any time feel the need to let it out raw and unfiltered? Perfection is a euphemism…Don’t get fooled by your presumption of someone’s life, instead be happy we don’t always overshare!

Love? Always? LOL…
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