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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Willful Blindness… I Can no Longer Condone Your Actions…

“Don't waste time making empty promises.
Invest your time and boost your credibility
by delivering real value to your words.”

In any interaction (whether personal, business or emotional), promises will build trust between the parties, if they are kept. Adversely, they will break the trust in that relationship if they are not kept. As human beings, we often need reassurance in the things we are willing to engage ourselves in, especially when uncertain of the outcome or result. We tend to find people in those situations that can give us that comfort, that encouragement, and that promise that the leap of faith we are about to take is going to pan out… especially if they vouch to help or be the link that will make everything work out. Promises are necessary because they give us a sense of security, and help us avoid situations of failure. Promises are so important because they control the balance of who we will or won’t allow in our lives, and lets us distinguish the people with whom we feel comfortable and secure.

A few months ago, I wrote a post about Good Intentions, Promises… Following that piece, I had some feedback where the worry was that people might always expect positive results from promises, as if a promise was a guarantee. Part of my answer at the time was, “There is a difference between voicing intent to do something and simply lyingJ. I am absolutely not saying that every intention we may have MUST materialize (if so, we might as well call ourselves miracle workers). I, for one, engage myself and promise things for the simple reason that in certain predicaments, my sensitivity takes over my practicality.
At any rate, what I am merely trying to say is - if you intend to act upon something for yourself or someone else, give it a sincere go. Please do your best to see it through, because the mere fact that you had the right intent (for the simple sake of having it) will not serve you or anyone else properly! But if you are PURPOSEFULLY misleading and then self-justifying, you are in the same breath, paving your road to personal a hell (metaphor for personal guilt).

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You know that one of your friends is known to be a shady character on more occasions than not, but because he/she always came through for you and has never displayed any obvious shadiness towards you (or nothing that you couldn’t deal with), you consciously overlook all the negativity you’ve heard and continue to hear about them. You choose wilful blindness… you knowingly refuse to acknowledge something which you know to potentially be real. In other words, you disconnect from anything that is less than obvious for you.
But what happens when the lies, misgivings and empty promises affect those close to you? Can you really be unaffected and detached because it’s not you being “lied to”, or being “played”? Or, at least that’s how the actions are coming across. Can you really be okay with that?

Well I am in that situation! For the past week, I have been a first row spectator of a train wreck… and I saw it coming! And while again, the deception wasn’t directed towards me, I can’t detach myself from this one… it really hit close to home. I couldn’t just disconnect from this one and for the first time, I realize how important it is to stand for what’s right at all time and to not pick and choose. I need to acknowledge the wrongs by not condoning them; essentially by “looking the other way” because it is not directed towards me. I know the deception you feel when you get empty promises. I know the pain that results from realizing what you put faith in or believed in, was all lies or not taken as seriously as you did. And because I know that feeling, it is very wrong of me to try to feel disconnected and have an attitude of, “Well, she/he didn’t do anything to me so I can’t judge…” But that’s a cop out! I know what’s wrong and what’s right. For my friend that did the voluntary or involuntary deceiving, I can’t just sit back and act as though, “just as long it’s not directly to me it doesn’t affect me.” It doesn’t make it right… Because all I am doing is waiting, and giving him/her the opportunity to directly deceive me the next time. So I did. I had to tell… I had to say it’s not right…

“At the end of the day, we all have a conscience that we can't escape. A soul is like a double edged sword, it will NEVER allow you to forget the ugliness that you did and one day when we least expect it, is when the tally of our action will become unbearable for us to face. The ugliness of our truth will be the reflection on the mirror. Because of that, I'm not going to waste my time by trying to figure out how, why and the degree of shadiness one is willing to stoop to and if that's what you did (I don't know and frankly at this point I don't care as it doesn't matter). I'm not going to waste your time either by expecting an explanation from you (and that's even if you were willing to give one) because again, at this point it doesn't matter. My only question is what steps are you taking to rectify the situation?” RS

This was me taking a stand. This was me telling her/him it wasn’t okay… This was me breaking up from an attitude I had been carrying for the longest time because I finally decided that “what is wrong, is wrong” regardless of whom it is directed to…

I can no longer judge whether the promises will end up being broken promises or lies, which in either instance carry devastating consequences upon your character. If you perpetually break promises you make, you end up degrading how people view you in terms of reliability.
And if what you do is lie – being fully aware of your lies - then you degrade how people view you in terms of honesty. They can potentially carry the same weight if used interchangeably in different scenarios.

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