Monday, May 20, 2013

I Live. I Learn. I Am.

Grasp the blessing, the privilege and the importance of NOW in your life, because LATER will come with or without you...
~Rose Sanderson

We like to think that we have no expiration date attached to us… at least not one that will come to term until we’ve deemed it’s the right moment. We like to think that time is on our side. We dream big dreams, we wish grandiose wishes, and we command nothing but the best for ourselves. We give ourselves a one year plan, a five year plan or even a ten year plan, with hopes of achieving all that we aspire. We believe in planning every moment of our journey, every step we will take, how we will step off and what is the guaranteed recipe for success… the guarantee of achieving ALL that we want for ourselves… But while we control what our happiness is based on, what our sense/level of accomplishment will start with, what the perfect timing for all that we wish for ourselves; we forget that time is not a constant guarantee in our lives. It is a borrowed gift that we don’t control.

Saturday morning my son had his placement tests at the prep school we finally chose, from all the ones that had accepted him. He was excited and I was feeling some kinda way because I had to play chauffer mom on my weekend off. And while he went off to do all his tests, I sat for 3 hours of meetings with new parents and the Dean of Admissions. I had to go through curriculum, schedules, transportation, endless forms, books and the like… You know - all the fun stuff you like to do on your weekend off! It was overwhelming… the process felt like college. Mid-morning, we took a break for coffee and while I stared at my black coffee cup it dawned on me, my baby, my first born is going to high school. Where did the time go? Wasn’t he just 10 yesterday? Weren’t he and his sister going to the same school yesterday? What happened to middle school? My little girl is going to middle school but when did he finish?
I sat (fighting the tears) because I couldn’t remember where the past 3 years of his life had gone, which meant I must not have been present

Lately, I find myself looking back and not being able to remember what happened, or how an event got so far away. I spend so much of my time setting myself goals, objectives and things that we need to achieve as a family in order to be happy and content that I forget what is most important… I forget to live and appreciate the moment, the now. A year seemed like yesterday. Even when you think time will never pass... it passes faster than expected. Time flies but where? Where are the memories of “that time?” I look back and I'm like, “Wow, that was three years ago”. I focused on so many things I needed to see happen that I let my life be ruled by a clock. It is depressing and frustrating that I can’t remember things… I feel like I’m living a partial life; a life focused on the future, while the now is when the rewards are appreciated and when we build the lasting memories for tomorrow. I get depressed about it sometimes, and frustrated that I don't remember things very well.

While I sat there, I had the realization that time is fleeting and I need to use it wisely because the next 4 years will be gone just as fast, BUT this time I need to live the time.
I should do EVERYTHING - even the most minute and seemingly insignificant tasks - with great care, effort, and thoughtfulness, and not wait on the perfect time or moment… The life that I imagine and want for myself will happen because I will work daily towards accomplishing it but I won’t live only to accomplish it!

I need to live every moment of my life. I need to learn all the lessons that arise through the life I’m living. Then I will be. I’ll be able to say that I AM.
I AM the product of my choices, my decisions, my life… the years I’m living are being transformed into indelible, unforgettable memories because I’m choosing to appreciate the NOW.

We don’t know the date, the hour, down to the minute of when the too late will be. Realizing that tomorrow eventually will not come for me and that I will die helps me put things in perspective and realize that those little moments that we take for granted are those that we need to cherish and remember.
I want to be able to "ALWAYS" see the "silver lining" in every cloud, to stay away from the negative and to stay "POSITIVE"!!! I want to stop worrying about life moving too fast, and instead jump on board and enjoy the rollercoaster life takes me on. Instead of tuning out, I need to stay fully plugged in. I must stop and take a look around every once in a while - I could miss it and it's just too short to be worrying all the time!!!

Remember - a happiness shared is a happiness increased, a dream shared is a dream realized and memories made and remembered as a life lived.

What about you? Have you ever felt that life was leaving you behind? do you feel that you are trying to catch up to your life more than living your life?


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