Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Lies I've Been Telling Myself... About Myself...

“It wasn't an excuse. It was a fact. He'd have to make his way alone, and no one — not rock stars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses — ever makes it alone.”
― Malcolm Gladwell

 I need to realize that if I am going to make it in this world, successfully and with all my sanity, I need to get my shit together! I need to realize that the world is not the easiest thing to manage when you worry about what directly (and visibly) surrounds you. If that’s not enough, it gets even more complex when you learn and pay attention to the effects and prominence of all that indirectly and unobtrusively carries weight in your life.
Whether we’d like to think or believe it, sometimes the outside influences can impact our life just as much to us as our very own ideas and beliefs. So… if I’m going to be “good” in my life, I have to surround myself with people who are better than me; people who are good for me, people who believe in me and people who challenge me. And more importantly, I need to value these people…

We are all are born with a predetermined talent. It has become exceedingly clear to me that the ability to successfully manage relationships is not an innate gift of mine… Am I one of those people who can be brilliant and accomplished (in certain aspects of their life) but can’t find the balance, or figure out how to juggle all the balls that make one’s life a full circle? The intuitive answer is simply YES… I am one of those. And unfortunately for me, I am dropping the ball that probably plays the heaviest role in living a fulfilled life…The relationship ball

A few months ago, The Hubby’s 26 year old cousin went to sleep holding her young daughter and never woke up…she had a seizure in the middle of the night…
Last week, after deciding to contact my sister-girl who lives in the West Coast, I found out that after a regular day (and a peaceful night), her sister was rushed to the hospital with stroke-like symptoms and follow-up episodes that she is still trying to overcome and understand... Three days later, I bumped to one of the first friends I made when I came to this country, roughly 22 years ago - We were catching up about our lives, as we have not spoken in over 2 years (where did the time go…). I asked her how her husband was and she replied, “Oh my God, you don’t know? He had a major stroke a year ago and his whole left side is paralyzed!” She proceeded to tell me how after a beautiful day of family time with their kids and some friends, he went to get his motorcycle cleaned and filled with gas and never made it home…
Yesterday, while shopping for patio furniture, I crossed paths again with someone I worked with for 8 years but hadn’t seen for years. We hugged and laughed while reminiscing about the “good ole’times” and the people we worked with. Then I asked, “How is Benny?” Benny… the little, feisty Hispanic lady, full of life and laughter, that used to keep us all in check. “Benny? Benny died two years ago, she found out she had terminal cancer and was gone in less than a year.”

What is it that I don’t do? What is it that I am not realizing?

I’m allowing things to happen around me, and I’m not involved when I should be. Life is just so short, and I feel like I’m missing out on important events in the lives of those who are my friends (and long time friends).

The phone is ringing… I’m tired. I need a mental break. I need just a “me” moment. I don’t answer the phone. An hour passes, two hours pass… the day is almost over… I look at my phone and see that I missed calls from my bestie in Belgium, so I listen to the messages, telling me how much she misses me…
My friend is going through “it”. I listened, then acted right away; helping in the way I saw fit and within my range of ability. I’m happy to help, they’re happy for getting the listening ear, the love and the support and I’m happy that they are happy. Then I checked back a couple weeks later and some of the conversation went, “Hey love, how are you? Is everything okay? Do you need anything?” Then I finish the conversation with, “Listen, you know me! You may not hear from me, you know me and the phone… but know that I love you and if you need anything, please do call me”… Seriously Rose?!?!
My friends want to connect, spend time like we used to, and catch up… we schedule dates, I find a way to flake... They extend open invitations to accommodate my busy schedule, yet I still find ways to miss, to forget or just cancel.
When I finally call/text, I’m being ignored… I know why but don’t understand why… I love them, they know how I am… Why are they taking offense? I am ready now to see them; it’s now convenient for me. I am now going through my friendship withdrawal, so why can’t they just “get with the program” and meet with me so we can catch up?

What is it that I’m not doing? Who is it that I’m not?

What I’m not doing is cultivating the meaningful relationships I establish throughout my journey. Who I am not is the kind of person people should be proud to call their friend. What I’m not realizing - or choose to overlook - is that this is a temporary opportunity…
A life lesson is that no one makes it alone and lately this realization has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not living my lesson. It is mind-boggling to me how I ever expect my life’s puzzle to come to completion in a meaningful way while I take for granted those that have the power to make life meaningful for me.

“Life is in no shape or form misleading. It clearly shows you that it is transitory. It is a euphemism of what forever is” ~RS and I need to take that knowledge seriously.

Why am I so successful in reaching some of my goals, but not others? I need to stop acting as if this whole thing is confusing and learn to balance, to juggle all that impacts and is involved in my life. I need to get my shit together and value my relationships enough that those involved don’t feel like temporary crutches in moments of my life but full participants in the journey of me.
Nobody makes it alone.

Are you surrounding yourself with people that are pushing you, challenging you, and making you better? Who are they? And more importantly, are you appreciating them?

Too late comes sooner than we think…

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