Sunday, August 25, 2013

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.”
― Ellen Goodman

I read somewhere that “it isn't uncommon for people to hang on to what seems like a relationship with no future just because they had a great past in the early stages.”
Amazing how truthful this statement is…

I have come to realize that one of the hardest things to do in my life is coming to terms that some relations, people I cherished the most (at any given point in my life) we’ve grown apart and gone in totally different path. Relationships have a natural course, while we hope they would withstand the test of time and life, sometimes, at some points, and for no specific reason they were meant to drift. Sadly, friendships change, people change, along with their lives and priorities…

When I love, I do it wholeheartedly. Every single inch of me is fully invested.
When I check out because the wholesomeness of that love couldn't stand the test of life and the changes it brings along our path... I do it fully, with sadness, trying to reclaim my heart and soul because not EVERY RELATIONSHIP WAS MEANT TO BE.

To the relationships we couldn't hang on to…


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Ever After...

“Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase "happily ever after." Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational woman to set her straight.”
~Catherine Gilbert

Hahahahaha… LOVE IT!

 So I want to talk about love; that love we all dream about and all wish upon while staring at the stars. Women, men, we all picture that perfect one who will be ours… the one who will understand us… the one who will level us off. We all imagine that perfect life we are going to have because of that perfect someone we have found. It’s almost like we want, we expect the fairy tale, because we are deserving of the fairy tale. So we build up our own fairy tale, and then search for the Prince (or Princess). When we actually do meet them, we feel we have been blessed and gifted with our own fairy tale come true…
Do you remember the stories of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and The Swan Princess? As little girls we all wanted those stories to be our story. Many of us desperately wanted to spend life in a beautiful castle with a Prince Charming and live, "happily ever after." And as a mom, although I wish that fairy tale for my daughter, I have a more realistic spin on the whole “Fairy tale story”…

The reality is that there is no such thing as a life without any hardship, challenge and adversity that won’t affect our happiness. Basing your life on the tales you read while still in grammar school will absolutely not help you deal with the incessant compromising you have to do (when reality hit); the adjustments you will have to make and display when presented with new, unfamiliar situations…
So while I don’t think fairy tales are bad, I do think we need to set more realistic standards for our daughters. As they get older, we need to tell the real tales, complete with all the many different possibilities, outcomes and journeys life can take you on. We need to also let them know that the true goal is not to find your happily ever after, it’s to build an ever after with many moments of happiness alongside a few unplanned but expected disagreements, misunderstandings, silent treatments, and unexpected blows…

The fact of the matter is if someone had taken the time to tell me that marriage is no fairy tale, I may in fact have made different decisions. That - in no way - means that I regret getting married. To the contrary, I actually believe that a little foresight might have made us that much better of a wife and husband earlier on. I believe that if I had gone in with a clearer understanding, not taking happiness for granted, the journey of marriage (or any relationship for that matter) would have been an easier ride! Now to play Devil’s advocate, things could have gone differently also, given a crystal ball. If the 25 year old me had had an accurate picture of the mere possibilities of what was to come, and the work we both would have to put in to have our “ever after”. Better yet, if I had had some insight on what my journey was to be, I might have ripped the bottom of my dress off, kicked off those pretty shoes, and ran like Usain Bolt in the opposite direction of the alter - scared shitless, and potentially missing out on the monumental happies I now have in my life…
Whether your "Ever After" is happy is pretty much up to you. I have found that most of mine is happy. Is my life a fairy tale? No, but it is a tale, my tale!

All in all I wasn’t promised a life of rainbows but my young woman mind believed in the fairy tale of Happily Ever After. The point is that reality is harsher when you are not prepared…
But today I’m here, working towards my ever after, feeling blessed and appreciating all my happy moments, while working through the challenging ones.

This is actually very funny, the more I read this piece, the more I make corrections and try to rephrase my thoughts the more I realize that the reality is that I’m glad no one told me, “Rose, this is going to be the hardest, most challenging endeavour you will ever take upon,” because of the possibility that I would have missed out on the most rewarding experience of my life… being married to my amazing love, the hubby.

“I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart”
~Luther Vandross

To the possibility of EVER AFTER filled with many happy moments…


Sunday, August 18, 2013

My Sunday Quote of The week...

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f$%& on.”
~ Tupac Shakur

Misconception:  A view or opinion that is incorrect because based on faulty thinking or understanding
Winners don’t give up…winners know no failure!
Clear misconception isn’t it?

Making mistake is a needed and natural action in one’s life. We learn and grow from the experiences and gaffes we engage ourselves in. Learn not to hang on to challenging your mistakes for the sake of achieving perfection. Second guessing every setback will keep you staring thru your rear-view-mirror, at a standstill. Cut your losses and move on smarter for having learned…

To "cut your losses" means to basically let something go, even though it is/was of importance for you…even though you believe(d) strongly about it. It's not a great feeling when you have to do this, but sometimes it is just the better choice.

So the lesson is to know and believe that walking away isn’t the same as giving up. There are times when you just have to cut your losses and walk away. Not every endeavor is made to be. Priorities, obligations and situations change causing you to have to walk away from “things”, evaluate who we are and what we stand for, whereas giving up would be to stop believing in ourselves. 


Sunday, August 11, 2013

My Sunday Quote of the Week...


“Happiness is living without expectations. “
~Peter Cajander


I’ll change it to “Peace of mind is living without expectations upon others…” Do you catch the difference?
Expectations we have and develop towards people and situations are created from our past experiences. Past situations allowed us to set standards on how we want to be treated, and what behaviors are acceptable or improper. It is part of human characters to projects onto our surroundings.
However we need to remember, that although natural, having assumptions and (un)realistic expectations is the best way to harm any situation we involve ourselves in. What is normal to me might not be normal for the next person. Speak out your expectations; do not sabotage your own experience by envisioning and not sharing what you expect.
Becoming aggravated and upset at someone who acted differently than what you expected (because you didn’t share what you wanted) could be more justifiable than toward someone you clearly didn’t care to share your anticipations.  We all have a preconceived notion of what we want, don’t ruin your own experience by presuming.
My Life Lesson today was:
 “Avoid unnecessary deception by not imposing your personal standards on others. What you consider to be a common (or given) attitude (or even service rendered) may simply not be within the ability of others. Your ordinary may be someone else’s unimaginable.”
~Rose Sanderson

Friday, August 9, 2013

If Not Now, When? Time Will Tell…

It’s impossible … said pride. It’s risky … said experience. It’s pointless … said reason. Give it a try … whispered the heart.

Do you really believe it’s possible to live the life you’ve always imagined for yourself? Do you actually think that all of your wishes will come to fruition?
Do you sincerely believe that all your calculated decisions will generate the tangible results you expect?
Do you believe, with all your heart, that you can absolutely have all the things you want; when you want them? Do you believe that all the effort you put forth today, will give you all that you desire and seek for tomorrow; healthy relationships, a loving and beautiful family, the ideal career path, financial stability, continual happiness, etc.?
I do believe it’s possible to have these things and that is why I work the way I do. I make the decisions I make and plan my life the way I do because I wish to live the life I long for… but how long do I have to wait for what all I believe to be mine?

Life has a way of giving you the lessons and the things you actually need at the perfect time… and not a millisecond sooner.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.”
~Albert Einstein

Our life shouldn’t ever be linked to a race. It’s sometimes hard to put into practice, but we shouldn’t live life in a hurry to accomplish the next thing; wanting immediate clarity to our incertitude or instant resolutions to our wishes and aspirations. This thing called life is not a race. Life is a journey that we slowly set up daily and simultaneously uncover random fruits we seeded yesterday, a week ago, or years ago.
Here is the Life Lesson of the day, “Time will tell and then you will know if the choice you made was right; or simply a lesson on the road to what's right.”

In one of the most popular Bible versus, “The Lord’s Prayer,” there’s a very revealing line. “And give us this day, our daily bread.” This implies that we are often so much in a hurry to see tomorrow, that we fail to appreciate the day in front of us. We sometimes fail to look at the morning and evaluate it for what it is, our new day and new opportunity to have the best day of our lives. For that reason, I wake up with a new daily goal. Every day I try to make decisions right there in the thick of things happening around me. I try to make decisions for things that will see light in the near or far away future, and while making those decisions, I have to keep in mind previous decisions. I remember the choices I made yesterday or the day before, so that everything can fall into its proper place. Will I be here at 60 or 70, or will I be gone? We have so much to do, so much to accomplish and it feels as though we have to be in a hurry to get there. Either way, I can’t stop aspiring, wishing, striving for more (better), however; we need to learn, while giving ourselves timelines for achievements, we need to consider time as irrelevant as possible and see life’s gift to us a timeless journey to fit a whole host of wonderful undertakings into our lives.

There are so many changes in my life that have come about (or taken place) due to decisions I made previously. Of course these are the decisions that – at the moment – were “absolutely the right thing to do.” Whether they yielded a good or bad outcome, back then you couldn’t tell me otherwise… I just knew things would go according to my plan. So I have learn this one thing to be true, time is the only assurance that things will happen in which ever way they will happen… again, only time will tell.

We all have heard of the butterfly effect. It is a term use to describe how small changes to a seemingly unrelated thing or condition can affect a set of things. In life (in general), the butterfly effect is a way of describing how, unless all factors can be accounted for, it remains impossible to predict with total accuracy the outcome of any decision made as there are too many unknown variables to ones journey.
I totally believe in the butterfly effect as it relates to events in life. So many major things in my life would not have happened the way that they did if just one or two small details had been different. There's really no way to make the right choice, because we have no way of knowing which way things will go when they appear to be unrelated. You just have to give it your best shot. You have to do what you feel is right and know to be true, mixed with a decent measure of experience and good fortune.

Every choice you make in life will either lead you closer to what you pictured your goals to be (and aspirations to be), or take you one step further from them… It’s as simple as that.

So, slow down and take one thing at a time, one day at a time. Yes, make plans, but don’t be in such a rush. Most of the time it will take more than 24/7 to see reactions to your actions. Focus on living the day in front of you in the best way possible. Remember- today’s decisions will affect your tomorrow… and only time will tell…


Monday, August 5, 2013

Am I Here To Live While At Work, or Here To Work while I’m Alive?

“There are moments in our lives when we summon the courage to make choices that go against reason, against common sense and the wise counsel of people we trust. But we lean forward nonetheless because, despite all risks and rational argument, we believe that the path we are choosing is the right and best thing to do. We refuse to be bystanders, even if we do not know exactly where our actions will lead.”
~Howard Schultz, CEO Starbucks

Much to my chagrin, I have not updated my blog for the past few weeks. While I made it a personal promise to be consistent with the writing schedule I had laid out for “Rosiesandz: My Life Lessons,” the recent changes in my life really threw everything upside down… My last Sunday quote of the week was a reflection of what my life is now…“Even the best plan planned is never without surprise; when your "wish" becomes reality, be ready to work harder to make it a dream come true...”~Rose Sanderson

Just to bring you up to speed on the recent happenings in my world - I finally got the promotion I was looking for. It has brought on a change in my work routine, change in the responsibilities that give purpose to my work day and added weight on my decisions that truly matter… And while I am very excited and love the opportunity to overcome this new challenge in my life, I’m still adjusting to the new normal; the new changes to my daily responsibilities… in my family life.

The other day I came across this inspirational story of a hardworking man, and while this story is about a man, it can easily be my story:

Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread for a living to support his wife and three children. He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job. Except for Sundays, Father hardly ate a meal together with his family. He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy.

Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

The day came when the examination results were announced. To his joy, Father passed, and with distinctions too! Soon after, he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely.

Like a dream come true, Father could now afford to provide his family with life’s little luxuries like nice clothing, fine food and vacations abroad.

However, the family still did not get to see father for most of the week. He continued to work very hard, hoping to be promoted to the position of manager. In fact, to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion, he enrolled for another course in the Open University.

Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

Father’s hard work paid off and he was promoted. Jubilantly, he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks. He also felt that their three-room flat was no longer big enough; it would be nice for his family to be able to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium. Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before, Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again. The family still did not get to see much of him. In fact, sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients. Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

As expected, Father’s hard work paid off again and he bought a beautiful condominium overlooking the coast of Singapore. On the first Sunday evening at their new home, Father declared to his family that he decided not to take anymore courses or pursue any more promotions. From then on he was going to devote more time to his family.

Father did not wake up the next day…

I will never be a stay-at-home mom; not only for financial reasons but mostly because of the person that I am. I need to be challenged - I need the intellectual gratification you get from being a part of a working environment and being stimulated by and with adults.

However, I do understand that desires can be unlimited. I have to decide the level of goals I want to pursue; what level of comfort and luxury I want for my family and I.
Somehow as we grow older, we get caught up in the monotonicity of “making a living,” pursuing aspirations after aspirations. And sometimes, sub-consciously, the things that should be priorities and the ones that shouldn’t become blurry and you create a life for yourself were it all seems balanced and working well. Gradually, we lose sight and connectivity with why we started having the dreams in the first place. We eventually can’t remember why we worked so hard to achieve the goals, and we make the dreams and aspirations our priority.

Our purpose in life is a life of purpose and a life of purpose can only be a life dedicated to someone else (family, a cause, etc.). Our purpose should never be self-governed, self-indulgent, or self-serving. To know that despite the fact that we may make mistakes along the way, when we look back on where we have been, we will be able to see just how far we have come when the happiness of the ones around us has not been negatively impacted.

This is what I took away from the story above, my lesson(s) learned:
Whatever we do (and aspire to do for our lives); there must be a definite, clear level of contentment to stick to and not overlook. It’s true that wishes never end. While completing our list of wishes one by one, we must not forget that our loved ones and family also wish upon us. You must allow them the time they seek, to fulfill their desires.

We are not promised a “tomorrow,” but tomorrow is what we hold in hope, tomorrow is what we hope our dreams will translate to. It is the better future we want to see unfold for our love ones. And you can’t hope for tomorrow if you won’t be a participant. Be ambitious, have aspirations, work for better tomorrow BUT the best way to fulfill ambition, to have life doubled, joy multiplied, to have no regrets, to have it all is to remember who it is all for and what is most important for them… and that is you!


Sunday, August 4, 2013

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
~Jim Rohn

Write the script of your life. Everyday do not hope for things to happen; decide and make them come to. Prepare your stage; plans are no guarantee but are there to guide you. Cast all the roles by choosing who is to be in your life. Produce, direct and star in your life story. It may take 1 or 4 acts; you may need extra rehearsals but know at the end it will all unfold according to YOUR script and not someone else’s…

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