Even If Life Seems Everlasting, Take Time... Make Time...

 

“When was the last time you just spent time with your family or other loved ones -- not because it was a family function, but just because you wanted to?? Sometimes the best way to untangle and clean up the messiness, is to just SLOW DOWN ... take a BREAK and remember to ENJOY the little things in LIFE.” ~Lori Homeyer

 

 

You never need to carry more than you can hold... I’m guessing the key is to know your limitations, without selling yourself short. Have you ever noticed that nothing is ever simple and clearly defined? Finding the right balance to everything in your life becomes a touch and go process...  We often end up asking ourselves, “Should I try harder, should I push more? Maybe I should back off, give up, or give in?” You know how it works... It boils down to picking your battles/challenges...

I've been living out of my suitcase for the past 2 months; jumping from plane to plane and flying from city to city. It’s to the point now that the running joke is I'm a visitor in my own home... I have two beautiful, well rounded, smart kids. The hubby and I made sure that they never lacked love, a sense of security, or support from us. We have managed, over the years, to build and AMAZING support system around us. This team encompasses blood family and extended family (friends we’ve known for so many years that our kids can only relate to them as “aunty” and “uncle”). So while our family unit has entered this period of change - with me taking on a new role in my career path and the hubby pursuing his entrepreneurial dream (and financial commitment that comes with that) - the challenge is to not have my kids feel as though the rug has been pulled from under their feet. And I'm overly grateful for the wonderful results we were/are allowed to see in them and moreover, for those without whom directly or indirectly it wouldn't have been possible.

BUT (you knew that was coming) giggles...

When I walk through the door of my house, particularly when coming back from one of my trips, I'm greeted by my son (who towers over my 5'3" frame), causing me to tilt my head back further and further every week to look at his beautiful face. I immediately wonder what new changes have happened to him while I was gone... I'm then taken over by my little girl, who ain't so little anymore. As a matter of fact, we’re almost staring each other in the eye, she is maturing faster than I want her to; claiming her independence, declaring her opinions, noting her taste and her choices... becoming the me that I was 30 years ago. I'm scared of all these little things I am missing out on, that can be impactful in their lives... I'm scared that like me, they learn to be okay not having mom and dad around every day... I'm scared of not being needed for all the little (or big) things in their life... I'm scarred for maybe believing they were okay, ready for the changes (even though they’re temporary changes) before they truly were... Or maybe I'm just scarred of my own decision and I'm looking for justifications for my fear....

Life has me believing that anything you set your mind to is never out of reach BUT life didn't give me a warning of the price you might have to pay for believing that you carry the world on your shoulders. The toll it takes when you’re trying to create the life you want for yourself...

What are your goals?

What do you ultimately want to achieve?

What are your priorities?

What are the things you won't compromise on?

Or does everything have a price?

The "rat race" journey we’ve created for ourselves is fruitful, with small and big successes along the way but with no time to enjoy any achievement as we quickly move on to the next one, the better one to reach for... It’s true that “Haste makes waste,” and sometimes what we are gaining in our pursuit of greatness is overshadowed by what we are losing in the process. It’s okay to win the war, as long as you come home with both hands, both feet and your mind intact. The problem arises when you win the war and come home missing limbs, missing organs and missing out on years of your life…

We all have our own cross to carry. We all have reasons that push us to do what we do; we all have lives with different requirements ... I've learned that there's never a reason to envy my neighbor's grass, no matter how greener or healthier it might look because their journey, their motivations or their ultimate goals might be so different than mine. I need to be in control of mine and what's needed for my healthy life...

So my reminder for today, my new daily "snooze" motto is, "Even if life seems everlasting, take your time. Make time".

Take time to realize, to say, and to put into practice that there is no better time to enjoy what you have now, as tomorrow will make today’s circumstances different... Yes, seek to better yourself, seek better opportunities and seek higher goals but don't let it consume you. The collateral damage in not finding the right balance is more detrimental than not achieving "that" goal. Sit out of the race from time to time... give yourself a chance to see a different perspective... a chance to enjoy what you have already accomplished... To enjoy the now... To enjoy that life you are building for yourself...

At the end what you value will determine your priorities

RosieSandz

My Sunday Quote of the Week...

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”

~Maya Angelou

The bible says “we should be thankful for ALL circumstances in our lives for this is God's will”…
I listen, I learn and while, with certainty, I can say I am still a work in progress toward the path of true acceptance of say circumstances…I am definitely grateful for every single opportunities I've lived through and the lessons I've learned thus far!

Out of all my dreams I couldn't have picked a better come true than the one I'm living...

At dusk BE thankful for the day coming to rest...

At dawn BE grateful for rising with the new day... 

Don't let go of your dreams, wishes, and aspirations; for your tomorrow needs direction 

Do let go of regrets and resentments, for today is where you need to BE

Realize that to BE is the ultimate dream come true!
RosieSandz

The day I lost my innocence...

         

"The day I lost my innocence is relived everyday I decide to open the door to what's new. When I decide to face challenges, and let go of what is comfortable and comes naturally, in exchange for experience and maturity..."

 ~Rose Sanderson

I vividly recall the day life robbed me of my innocence. That day often reoccurs; actually, it was everyday before a new day began... Before today

My innocence is taken (not always willingly given over) as life lessons happen everyday, randomly. They don’t have to be terribly profound, they may very well occur next time you’re chatting with a stranger at an airport security line or while just observing life happen around you...

Be open to learning, be open to letting go, be open to growth, and your (seemingly) lost innocence will turn into wisdom gained...

Hoping  everyday is your tomorrow loss…

RosieSandz

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

― Joseph Campbell

Stop seeing your today as a disappointment, let go of what, where and who you think your today should be. Embrace it and use it to better your tomorrow. The road to full potential is truly a never ending one…

Think about the privilege that is this life…that is YOUR life. It is an experience that keeps expending you. It is a journey of discovery, of unveiling the gift…your birth gift. 

RosieSandz

Divorcing Friends While Divorcing...

“A bridge has no allegiance to either side.”

― Les Coleman

                              

A few weeks ago, I asked my Facebook friends to help me by sharing some subject matter they would like me to delve into. Well, all I can say is, “Ask and you shall receive!” Not only did I receive suggestions in abundance but all of the topics were of quality. While many of the subjects I had opinion on (and will definitely write about over time), the one I chose to start with hit so close to home that it made sense for me to start here…

My friend asked, “How do we deal with (or carry on friendships with) our friends who go through divorce (or brake up), especially if we were close to both parties involved? Do you pick sides? Should we keep in touch with both parties? This subject came about again last night over drinks with some friends. We all have friends or know of people that have gone through this. What do you say Mrs? What’s your experience? I will keep (my experience) to post later in response to your future post :-)”

I’ve always believed that you should never come between, involve yourself in, or offer any strong advice to anyone else’s relationships. This includes while they’re together, if they’re having a disagreement, or are even on the verge of divorcing (or breaking up). The words I’ve always lived by and believe in strongly are, “Never say anything that you wouldn’t say if their partner had died.” Meaning, don’t be quick to bash either side. No matter where they are in the course of the relationship, always show respect. For me, in order to be a true friend, regardless of whose friend I am (or was friends with first); the object is to stay neutral. That includes no bashing, while being a confidant. I feel that this is the best way to handle conflict in your friends’ relationship. Separation and divorce are not nice happenings, no matter what the surrounding circumstances may be... You don't want to compound the injury and add to the unpleasantness by voicing your opinion or taking sides, in a time where both parties are dealing with turmoil. Even more important for me however, is that I always keep in mind the possibility of them getting back together (which happens more time than none). Who will look like the absolute jackass in that situation??? I’m definitely not putting myself in that position…

Disputes, whether minor or major, are so personal and complicated. Even when you are the best confidant a friend can have, you need to always remember a few things. The most important thing is that there are 3 sides to every story. Both parties will have a side, and then there will be what actually happened. No matter what went down, it’s not up to you to determine the truth.

I actually just lost a good friend during a couple’s separation. I guess I didn’t step up to the plate enough for her, according to the prerequisites and criteria she had laid out in the “being a good friend when shit falls apart” handbook… Although I did meet her first and we were great friends, I couldn’t go along with the constant low-blows and negative comments made about him, that would surface in all of our conversations. Yes, he cheated on her. Yes, he treated her wrong. And yes, while I agreed on upon whom the blame was to be (for the demise of their relationship); I refuse to be a bashing cheerleader. People make mistakes. People end up hurting each other intentionally or unintentionally, so I refuse to be placed in the middle and pointed in one direction. Remember, there are 3 sides to each story. There are reasons for every action and there are underlying feelings that don’t totally go away, even when you are at you angriest!

I tried to remain neutral, while agreeing and telling both of them what I felt about the situation and how they got there. I also refuse to not be involved in a friendship with her husband. My friend didn’t like that I would help babysit the kids when it was his turn to have them, she would ask me to have a talk with him and tell him how bad of a man he was. The end came when my sister-in-law was having a big party for my brother’s 50^th birthday. As she knows them too, she wanted to invite them both. My conversation with my friend went south real quick… I said, “They want to invite you guys as they feel uncomfortable taking sides but want to make sure you guys would be okay to be in the same room. What do you think?” Her response was, “Well you guys are adults. I can’t tell you what to do! I don’t understand why you would want to invite him; everybody is showing him support and caring about him, but what about me? I’m the one who got screwed…blah blah blah. You guys do what you have to do!” 

That was it for me. I realized that she wouldn’t be happy until the day I stood next to her and chanted how much of a loser he was and gave him the icy, cold shoulder. She wouldn’t be happy until I carefully plotted with her on how to reduce him to a pile of dog poop. To put things in context for you guys, we are not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship here; something like a little month old relationship. No, we are talking about years together before marriage and years together during marriage. We are talking about two beautiful kids, and we are talking about a history before me and probably beyond me. She wanted me to support her side completely and without question and while I did, I wasn’t willing to badger him, which at the end wasn’t enough for her. I do regret losing her as a friend, but it was inevitable… I didn’t want to end up ping-ponging between them and getting caught up in the drama and hurt. At some point they got back together, separated, got back together and again separated - proving my point that I would’ve been the one on the out anyways…

So for me, the best advice in the world is to mind my own business. Separation, arguments and divorces are very personal; regardless if you believe you were given all and truthful details. Don't get between them! Don't get involved even if you’re invited. People have killed each other before, during, and after a divorce. Don't play counsellor, don't play healer. The absolute best thing you can be is a friend - someone who will be there to listen and to hold their hand, but also someone who knows when to withdraw. Some will appreciate it and some won’t, in this case she didn’t. People change as they grow. Feelings change and goals in life change. Just don't take sides. Love and respect them for the people they are and the relation they once had…

What about you guys, how do you feel friends should handle themselves in this situation? Should it be “ride or die” no matter what or like me, no sides should be taken?

RosieSandz

My Sunday Quote of The Week...

“Evolve throughout the course of your life's path. Grow in all your experiences but remember to never let go of the true essence of your being. No matter what you ultimately become, make sure you keep the connection deep within and the ability to reconnect with who you originally were."

~Rose Sanderson

         

A little less than 2 weeks ago, I went on one of my work trips. After working tirelessly for several hours, we finally decided to take a break and have lunch before entering the last stretch of the day. What was supposed to be a relaxing (thought free) moment, where the only focus would be to fill up our empty bellies and reenergize, turned out to be the total opposite…

I sat across from this beautiful young girl who was very insightful. Her sensibility to me, her aura was to the point of being gifted. She talked for a while. She told me stories and while I sat across from her, I realized those where my stories. She stared into my eyes, telling me my own life story through another woman’s story…her own mother’s story.

We typically go through life believing who and what we were yesterday needs to stay in the past and that we should only focus on today, while thinking about the needs of tomorrow. My life's focus has become my children and my husband. I want to be the perfect mother and this with all the sacrifice the privilege entails. I want to be the indispensable wife so that my husband's life couldn’t be imaginable without me.

In listening to what was to come in my life, I realized that along the way, I have lost the essence of who I am. My children, Jay and Jazzy, will soon be young adults and create lives for themselves. And while I put so much focus on them, I have let meaningful friendships/relationships take last slot on my priority list. I have managed to be the indispensable wife; I have altered and changed the person the hubby fell in love with. And while today I see the purpose of the decisions I made, what about tomorrow? What about when the kids are gone? Will my friends still be there? What about when it’s just me and him? Will I be able to bring back the essence of who I am?

Her mom’s story could be my story; her loneliness could be my future, her unhappiness could be mine…

She never stopped staring into my eyes while telling the story of this woman - of her mother. And at the end while we both had tears rolling down our cheeks she said, “Rose, let the mask down, go get your “sexy” back... go find that fun Rose you lost somewhere along your life's journey. I would love to meet her and many would love to welcome her back”…

Here is the Life Lesson I learned that afternoon…

Be the strong woman you portray yourself to be. Let your kids be kids and not your friends; not your purpose in life. Be your own purpose. Let your happiness be the basis for which all will fall into place. Be the indispensable wife, partner and lover your husband needs to have by his side but don’t let go of who he fell in love with. Don’t let go of who you are…nobody wants to wake up with a total stranger by their side, no one wants to go through the different stages of life with a chameleon…

RosieSandz