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Tynt

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Commitment Will Turn Your Relationship Into a Marriage…

A successful marriage is a never ending conversation which can always be picked up as it never loses its relevance…
A successful marriage does not mean a perfect marriage… it only means, “Unreplaceable, challenged bliss” …
~Rose Sanderson 



Have you found the right person? But more importantly…  Are YOU the right person?

The Hubby, as I’ve said time and time again, is a mild mannered guy. To tell you the truth, I sometimes feel bad because this mouth and character of mine can be off the charts. He definitely like’s his peace and quiet, and enjoys his favorite way to resolve any and every “disagreement,” which is to figure out, “What would make me happy or what would I like for him to do”… Me on the other hand, I like to dig into the thick of things until we reach the impenetrable core; until I’ve peeled off and revealed every single layer, possibility, nuance, and meaning that would validate my thoughts and make me finally say, “Well, we can agree to disagree!”

Well… What do they say? You are going to learn!!! LOL… And I did. Got set straight on my toes (Gasps…)

I laugh but really this is what it’s all about… It’s about the changes “today” brings. It’s about the lessons the “moment” teaches and the willingness to accept the unfamiliar. So while you may skip a beat, and while you can be caught off guard, you quickly learn to assess and adjust because in this thing called marriage, there is truly no “pause” button… There’s no, “I really don’t want to deal with this, I’ll get back to it later!” Yeah… no such thing!

… Be ready for the necessary struggles and fights. They make you a better person, a better partner…

A few days ago, The Hubby and I got into a situation where I ended up feeling frustrated, as we were supposed to go somewhere as a family. As usual, BabyGirlLove Jazzy and I were running late (but definitely rushing)J! While running around trying to get ready, I overheard him making comments about the time to our son, which I felt was unnecessary. So of course, because I felt attacked, my reaction was, “Forget it! Me and BabyGirlLove will stay home”. The Hubby stormed into our bedroom and asked what was wrong with me?! I could hear that he was upset but geesh… it couldn’t be anything I haven’t dealt with before. I turned around, stood the tallest of my 5’3” that I could, and felt like I was staring straight at eye level against his 6’3” height. I just had time to blurt out the five first syllables of what was supposed to be a well calculated, smart a** answer, when he stopped me in my tracks with an icy-toned tirade, through clinched teeth, so only him and I could hear and feel the intensity.

The fact that I vowed “’til death do us part,” is the best ally I awarded myself… It keeps me anchored long enough to let doubt become a very surmountable interruption…

Who is this guy yelling at, me? You know that yelling that you do without having to raise your voice? The kind of yelling you sense through the tone of the voice and the depth of the stare? For those of you who have kids or for those who can remember that silent yelling your parents would use; that would stop you dead in the middle of your tracks??? Yes, who is this person reading me my rights, telling me about my exasperating spoiled brat attitude??? Who is this guy, that is actually making me think, that tone, that look, that intensity, that passion is actually appealing… sexy I might add… I like this different side of him…kind off J

This is new, this is different… This is what life together has been, this is what our partnership has been, and this is what our marriage is…

While in this instance I liked the change (I liked the different character streak I uncovered) there were times when those differences were hard ones to adjust to and accept. In the 18 years we have been married, so many times I’ve said to myself, “Why in God’s good name am I putting up with this?...This is not the person I thought I married… When is the better as opposed to the worse, supposed to start?...” and as soon as those beaten statements came across my mind, I automatically close my eyes and picture life (going forward) without him…without the laughter, the good times, the “bounce back” partner that he is… without the struggles, the tears, the doubts, and the pains that educate us. I remind myself of the battles we decided to turn into collaborations and to no fail. That’s when my eyes open up to a grass that couldn’t be any greener.
My eyes opened up to the certainty that I am where I need to be, where I was meant to be…with who I am undeniably meant to be with, not only because I love him but because I am In Love with him - which simply means I need him for my happiness… Yes after 18 years, there is no better than him…
We say for richer and poorer, through good times and bad times but should we also say through growth and changes? And welcome the hard learned, earned lessons and the sweetest, tender, gentle moments…

Commitment… My Saving Grace… Communication… The Answer

So as we get ready to celebrate 10+8 years of conjugal “unreplaceable challenged bliss,” I take into account the passed lessons of yesterday (which remains truer than ever) and the new ones which validate the fact that from then until now, this partnership, this thing called marriage is summarized by the word EVOLUTION.

So here are my takeaways

COMMITMENT is one of the most important components in a marriage. There will be days where doubts, aggravations, upsets, and life itself will make you question the value of your relationship. However your pledge to commit will make you stop from running off, it will make you add an additional 50% when you are already putting in 100%... Commitment will turn your relationship into a marriage...
Marriage is an ideology similar to “learning on the job.” Tomorrow can only unveil an even more evolved couple, if you are in it to succeed.
We don’t have to wait for the end (natural or by divorce), or for the accumulation of a certain number of years to determine or celebrate the success of your marriage. Celebrate daily because the end will leave you alone…
But above all, I would say the aptitude to have an honest, open communication (which at times can be very difficult) is the pinnacle to reach when wanting your marriage to last. All that is relevant will organically generate from communication. Commitment, trust, partnership, togetherness, and love wouldn’t survive without communication…


“A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

― Dave Meurer
RosieSandz
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