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Tynt

Saturday, April 25, 2015

My Heart on These Pages...


If you could write a message to (each one of) your children, and put it in a time capsule for them to read 20, 30 years from now, what would you write to them?

There are so many things I would love to write to them. Hopefully, things that I have said millions of times before like, “I Love You” or “I Love You Most”… Doesn't matter how much you've said it, there will never be enough time to say it enough. There isn’t a day when I don’t say it… my goal is that they take that fact at face value, not take it for granted, bank it, and see it fortify like a strong investment...
So yes, I would start my message by not asking them if they know how much I love them but simply by saying, as usual, “I Love You… I Love you most.”

Although I always wanted to have children, no one could have ever made me understand how rewarding and binding the love would be; no one could have explained to me how much my life would change after having my babies, and now we’re here. The reality of it all is that I don’t want to have to write a message I couldn’t tell them myself, as it translates to separation and the realities that life’s journey brings.

Today, I said bye to my 3 babies, and while I settled for my flight away from them, I feel this familiar pain. I feel like I am having a heart attack. The bands of my bra are constricting my chest, make breathing difficult. I do what has become a ritual for me. I look out the small window and I release. I release by surrendering to God (remember it is always at your most challenging, vulnerable moment that you remember The ONE who is really in control… and lately, HE is more than ever in the forefront of my mind). “God I put my life in your hands because only you know what "IS" for me. If anything would happen to me, please make sure my babies grow up knowing the love I gave them is everywhere to be found ... and allow them to find it quickly. Please don't let TheHubby ever feel as though his shoulder will never be strong enough to carry our family on his own. And while I leave it in your loving hands, know that my deepest desire is to be the one to give them the love throughout their life's moments, and to be TheHubby's partner in carrying our family."

I would tell them how their happiness became my main purpose in life…
Not too long ago, my son-by-another-mom (my nephew Deff J) posted the sweetest picture of a young him with my babygirl, with a caption that read “Nostalgic”.  My heart melted faster than an ice cream cone under the Arizona heat. As a comment I wrote,

“This squeezes my heart in places only you, my babies (I gave birth to two but I could swear I had five) can. I'm so overwhelmed by the blessing I have as life is allowing you all to grow together. When you will become the amazing father I know you will be, you will understand how much of a relief it is to know that your children have that brother/sister, that sibling love that transcends everything and anything…While I'm assured that I have many years ahead of me, I can't help to think sometimes of when that one day comes and as a parent I will have to say goodbye; to know that bond of yours is there brings an amazing peace in my heart. I Love you; love you all...so much”

My father used to say, “Your wealth is determined by your children.” Even knowing and believing his wisdom, I came to know that my kids were my purpose in life when I carried my first born in my arm and 3 years later, my babygirl. The first time I got to hold him, something changed in me. I became aware that there is more than me, there’s more than me and my happiness because from that day forward, my happiness was contingent on someone else’s.
In my message I would remind them how their smile made me the happiest; how their laugh would make my life brighter.
I would hope that when they open the capsule, I’d still be around as I know there will be so many more things I could teach them, tell them and show them...

The joys of having and raising a child are unmeasurable! The responsibility is tremendous but outweighs the idea of not having them. The privilege of being their mother is indescribable as they have taught me more about life, love, and myself, than anyone who has ever been in my life. They have changed my perception of what life is and should be.
While I liked to think that I am their world, I will let them KNOW that they are mine…
While I liked to believe I am being a role model I will let them KNOW that they are/were behind every decision I ever made…
I would tell them that they’ve shown and made me discover things which in turn, allowed me to teach them about life…

Many of you are wondering why I'm writing this post which they could potentially see and that is exactly my point...
My message to them needs to resonate like a song they love to hear time and time again, like a movie they've seen so many times that they know the sequence of each frame...
My message would be for them a déjà vu and not a narrative of what I should've said or should've done...
I would end by saying, “In this life journey of yours, the two things you always have to remember is to LIVE it according to values you are comfortable with and to LOVE it because you are in control of your happiness…You are the only legacy that matters in my life, I truly hope that the person you both will become is one you love as much as I loved being part of the ground work.”

Everything is as it should be; everything is going to be alright. Trust in that. Trust that you will always end up where you’re meant to be. Tragedy and challenging situations will teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn.  
      Remember, often times when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place         

In my capsule there will be a gift for each one of them. My gift will be a bonded book(s) of all my Life Lessons for when they need help and I’m no longer there to guide them and for them to understand the person I was…


Remember… I Love YOU Most…
RosieSandz

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Not Everything Can Be a Mistake... Life Won't Allow It

 
“A mistake isn’t a mistake unless it can’t be put right.”
~ Sophie Kinsella



And when you can’t “put right” a mistake you’ve made, it’s simply because it was a bad decision that life won’t allow you to forget… Forgetting will leave the door open for you to make the same mistake again, inevitably.

Can you look back and pin-point every defining moment that shaped your life’s trajectory? Can you recognize the actions (or the decisions) you've made, placed you in the position you’re in today? While what felt right may have actually ended up being right, undoubtedly there were wrong turns -wrong decisions were made...
Every day you are given an opportunity to make decisions that will impact your tomorrow, and those opportunities will show how wise your decision making process is… Give it some thought, because while the end result of your decisions won’t always be what you wanted, you will not always be able to recover from them. Again, not everything can be attributed to “making a mistake”… not everything will be set right by taking responsibility and saying, “I’m sorry.”

To live life is to grow, learn, and better ourselves through experiences. New experiences in life are never explored grounds; they require you to be cautious, thoughtful and wary of “the outcome” but at the same time, welcoming of the potential lesson.
Life is a scary place that can only be made safe by the way we make decisions and the paths we set for ourselves.
Life will allow you to move forward from mistakes. Life, as I said, will help you grow from your mistakes when you courageously stand, admit, understand and learn from them BUT also trust that life won’t be forgiving when you refuse to receive the lessons you set yourself to learn from…

So last night, The Hubby and I got into one of those never ending debates we so passionately get into (some of our best momentsJ), that 1 hour later, all we could do (again) was to agree to disagree. This is what I said to him, “Baby, I am going to give you 2 scenarios and I want you to tell me if you agree with my interpretation of the two, or just tell me your perspective, and if it’s different than mine”… Here’s the scenario…

What if our son came home from school and said:
“Daddy, I had a math test today and I know I am going to get an F on it because I totally studied the wrong part of the syllabus and couldn’t answer any of the questions… I’m so mad at myself!”

OR, he comes home and says:
“Daddy I had a math test today and I got an F because I didn’t study and got caught cheating.”

Better yet, I went on to say:
“2 friends plan a hunting trip. While manipulating his riffle, one of them loses his balance and the rifle goes off, killing his friend… OR, “What if the same two friends were have having issues in their relationship (due to one’s jealousy and resentment for the other), to the point that the ‘friend” starts planning on how he can get rid of him. He plans a hunting trip where he puts his plan in action and kills his friend…”
Were they mistakes or bad decisions?”

And this started the debate J

Easily, you can guess that the hubby viewed both opposite scenarios as mistakes that you can learn from but for me it was crystal clear that even though the results are 1 and the same, they are 2 very different scenarios and not comparable…

For me, a mistake is something you did without intention. It’s the result of a decision you’ve made, as you were put in a position to make a choice. Options are presented and to the best of your ability, you’ll try to make what you feel is the right decision. Mistakes are situations that you find yourself in, that generate an outcome you had no control of. You had no proclivity in the said action that caused an undesired result and because you are not your mistakes, you can learn, grow and bounce back from that… Society will accept and know the authenticity of your admission of a mistake.

On the other end, a bad decision is while a decision was made intentionally, often without regard for the consequence. It is when you decide to ride that fine line between what’s right and what’s wrong. It would be a deliberate act, committed with the full knowledge that doing so was not only against the rules, but against what (as people with built in moral codes) we know to be right. You decide to take chances when knowing what the right thing to do is, when you’ve already lived prior consequences originating from the same action deemed wrong…
When ill feelings are used in your decision making process, or when the complete knowledge of the harm your actions could result in is evident, or when knowing right from wrong, you still chose to do wrong… You can no longer label it as a mistake… Life won’t allow it!

So the most important lesson in all of mistake making is that every one of us makes mistakes, every day of our lives. It is to trust that while mistakes are inevitable, if you can learn from it, no matter what happens, you’ll be able to get value from it and apply it to the betterment of you.
“Mistake” is an appeasing word in our growth process…let’s not use it in vain and try to hide behind it…

And you? What is your point of view? What's your take on this?
RosieSandz

Monday, April 6, 2015

I Have Yet To See The Rain Fall On One Man’s House…See The Bigger Pictures…


“I am a part of all that I have met; yet all experience is an arch where through gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move.”
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

This is one of the poems that help me bring things into perspective when I’m down and in doubt… When I feel like shutting down and keeping to myself… The essence of it is so profound, that understanding its meaning is to know this moment is just that… a moment. A speck in the mesh of our connecting dots…

Unlike when we are content, cheerful, happy, and overwhelmed by what we recognize as blessings in our lives; we all have the tendency to dwell on our own misery and unhappiness … those moments we struggle with for good or bad reasons.
Unbeknownst to us (or more than likely subconsciously) we choose to outfit ourselves with horse’s blinkers as if we are alone in this race called life, as if no one else lives, has lived or will ever understand this moment in our life…

The human brain has a tricky way of functioning… We organically exude our happy, we naturally share our happies, we innocently flaunt our rewards, we display all because we want the world to know…I’m WELL and HIGHLY FAVORED but when life hits a bump in the road, when curve balls are being thrown at you at a speed you can’t keep up with, and when “the pretties” in your life take on an undesired shade, we all of a sudden forget to share and let our shoulders, our brains, and our hearts selfishly carry and horde the pain, the challenge, the aching and confusion…

"I am a part of all I have met" is undoubtedly the most reflective, insightful, and truthful confession I have ever come across. Because we are truly drawn together from our experiences, from the people we've interacted with, and from everything we've learned. We connect through our challenges, and our successes, etc… We undoubtedly share paths in more ways than we know or could ever imagine…
"I am a part of all I have met" …When you really understand the full commitment this sentence implies, it is as close to enlightenment and epiphany as you can experience.
Every experience you have had and every person you have met has had an effect on who you become and vice versa. And as you know, good or bad, every experience is made of little experiences that have lessons to be learned. You can go over (in your mind) an experience and it will always have a little more meaning when you know you’ve shared it with the world… and it will always have more meaning when you know you were never alone through your experience…

So when you are felling lost and alone, think of this sentence, “I have yet to see the rain fall on one man’s house” and picture it…

You’re not alone in all that brings reactions or emotions in your life. Others have made it through obstacles, setbacks - like the one you are experiencing right now - and so can you.
No man (or woman) is an island. No matter how alone you feel or how alone you try to be, you need others, you touch others and you affect others by your actions, your reactions, your words, your experience and even by the breath you take.

Because someone else survived this moment your are living now, know that there is always a brighter tomorrow...

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

- John Donne, Meditation XVII

SEE the bigger picture…
RosieSandz
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